


A New Era

by bornafluffychild



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-17 22:24:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 52,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3545954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornafluffychild/pseuds/bornafluffychild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war was successfully averted and Chicago is trying to find its way forward in the aftermath of Jeanine's actions. Tris has become a leader-in-training of Dauntless but is plagued by the well-intentioned match making initiatives of Christina, which just continue to lead to awkwardness. When she runs into a surprising person one night, things get more complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent or it's characters.

** One**

I pull at the hem of my skirt self-consciously before I finally reach up to knock on the door. One of these days I’m going to figure out how to tell Christina ‘no’ when she insists on dressing me up. For tonight, however, I’m already stuck so I might as well make the best of it. When the door opens and an obviously inebriated Zeke stands in the doorway, I figure that this is going to be a very long night.

“Tris! So good to see you!” He stumbles a bit when he tries to pull me in for a hug. Even though he’s one of the truly nicest people in the compound, I still stiffen at his touch slightly. “You’ve been a full Dauntless member for a month now and still you don’t like touching?”

I only shrug, which must be a good enough reply for him because he ushers me into the apartment. People are scattered about, talking and drinking. I swear half the faction is here—even Eric is. From the looks of it, most of them are heavily intoxicated.

“Zeke, am I late? Christina told me eight o’clock.”

Zeke doesn’t bother trying to conceal his chuckle at my naivety. “No, you’re not late, but this is Dauntless: many of them started drinking before they came over.”

The answer doesn’t surprise me but it does make me regret agreeing to come. Conversing with drunk people is not my favorite pastime. The only reason I am here is because Christina has been on a mission since initiation to set me up with someone. She’s been dragging me to every party as part of her plan. Unfortunately, as a leader-in-training, I don’t have much time or patience for such pursuits. Not to mention that most guys from our initiate class either are dating someone or have tried to kill me. Both are non starters for me.

“Tris! There you are!” Christina rushes over toward me, pulling Will along behind her. “I told you that dress would look amazing on you!”

“Thanks, though I swear you hemmed the skirt. I don’t remember it being this short when I bought it.”

Christina feigns shocked offense. “I would never do such a thing!” Her happy grin gives away the lie.

“So why am I here again?”

“Tris, you’re never going to meet anyone—or _date_ anyone—if you don’t come out.”

“I don’t need to date anyone, Christina.”

“You can’t just work all of the time, Tris.”

“You’d be surprised. The leader-in-training program is pretty demanding. I practically have to work all of the time.”

Will hands me a drink, looking as if he would apologize for Christina if he could right now. He’s always been good at telling when I’m uncomfortable. Christina means well but ever since she moved in with Will she’s seemed to believe that the only way I can be happy is if I’m in a relationship. I know it’s because she’s happy and wants to share happiness with me but it’s quickly becoming frustrating.

“Four’s here,” Christina remarks quietly.

I turn to see Tobias talking with Uriah. “So he is.”

“You two seemed close during initiation—well, about as close as someone as intimidating as Four can seem to a person. I always thought you two were secretly dating.”

“He was just an instructor looking after his initiates, Christina.”

“Are you sure? He’s cute. I wouldn’t blame you if you liked him, even if he’s scary as hell.”

“I don’t like him. We’re just friends.”

Christina rolls her eyes at me but doesn’t press the subject, thankfully. She pulls Will along as she goes to talk to Marlene who just arrived. My temporary solitude is relaxing. Most of my waking hours are spent in the noisy company of my faction, demanding interaction at all times. Standing here, silently drinking the sugary concoction Will gave me, is the most time I’ve had awake and not actively talking with someone in a while. It doesn’t last long as Tobias interrupts my silent musing when he comes over to say hello.

“How’s the Control Room treating you?’

“Fine. How is being a leader-in-training?”

“Good. Time consuming.”

Tobias nods at my observation. “Maybe next year they’ll have you oversee initiation instead of Eric.”

“Maybe.”

“I wouldn’t mind having to spend that much time with you instead of Eric. It could be fun.” He smiles almost shyly at me. It should make me giddy, I’m sure, but it doesn’t.

“Well, we’re friends so I’d imagine you wouldn’t mind.” He flinches slightly at the word ‘friends’. The reaction annoys me.

“Alright, everyone, gather ‘round!” Zeke is shouting half-drunk in the center of the room. “We’re going to play Dare. For those of you new to Dauntless, we’ll explain the rules, though they’re simple.”

“As much as I’d love to hear this, I’m going to find the washroom. I’ll talk to you a bit later.”

I set down my cup and slip away from Tobias before he can object. I head deep into the crowd but then instead of continuing on to the bathroom, I make my way to the front door of the apartment. I quietly slip out before I think anyone notices or stops me.

When I reach the hallway I realize it’s still early and I don’t really want to go home yet. I could go over to the leaders’ offices where my ‘temporary’ office is and get started on some of what I have to do tomorrow but even the thought of that exhausts me. I could go to the tattoo parlor but I don’t have anything I want and Tori is probably at Zeke’s right now anyway. Finally, I settle for walking to the Chasm.

As much as this place scares Dauntless members and still is haunted with terrible memories from initiation for me, I find the roar of the water comforting. Something about the inevitability of the current lulls me. The hurtful memories from this place still fight to surface each time I’m here but I push them away tonight as I lean against the railing and look out over the water.

“You left the party to come stand where you were almost killed. Was it really that boring in there?” His voice has a twinge of humor to it that I’m not used to.

I turn and see him leaning his shoulder against the stone wall casually. His eyes hold a glint of laughter. This version of Eric is new to me.

“I didn’t really want to play ‘Dare’ with a large group of people tonight.”

“That’s rather un-Dauntless of you.”

“Is that even a word? Is that why you left Erudite—your vocabulary couldn’t keep up?”

He casts his eyes to the ground and smiles slightly before pushing himself off the wall to walk over to me.

“That’s funny.” He stands next to me, looking out over the Chasm.

“You know, some people actually laugh when they find something funny instead of remarking that it is funny.”

“When did you become snarky, Tris?”

“When did you start finding me funny, Eric?”

He shrugs and continues looking out over the Chasm. For now a comfortable silence settles over us and stretches on for a few minutes. As much as I try to let my mind wander, it seems to keep getting stuck on Eric’s proximity. I’m hyper aware of the fact that he’s merely inches from me. Our shoulders would touch if he barely moved in my direction.

“How is the leader-in-training program?”

“Demanding.”

“I remember that part from when I went through it.”

“How’s…” I pause for a moment because I haven’t actually seen Eric since initiation and I have no idea what he’s been doing since then. “…whatever you’ve been doing?”

He chuckles for a moment. “That’s a nice way of saying ‘what the hell have you been up to, anyway?’”

“To be fair, I haven’t seen you since initiation so I don’t know what to ask about as far as your work or life is concerned. Not that I’d probably have any idea even if I had seen you.”

“True. Well, I just completed a long mission that had me out of the compound for the past month. I just came back today.”

“Welcome back, then.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“So if you didn’t want to be at the party, why didn’t you go home?”

“Are those the only options for any Dauntless member tonight—party or home?”

“No, but it’s a logical conclu—“

“There’s the Erudite upbringing coming out.”

Eric extends his hand toward me, using it to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I instantly flush.

“There’s the Abnegation upbringing coming out.” He wears a self-satisfied smirk. I just roll my eyes.

“Why are you here, anyway, Eric?”

“I saw you leave and was curious why.”

“Well, now you know so why are you still here?”

“I thought you might like some company. Maybe even someone who understands how challenging it can be to be a leader-in-training and adjust to being a Dauntless member all at once.”

“When did you suddenly want to be my friend?”

He stands up straight at that. “Are you secretly Candor or something? I feel like I’m playing a game of ‘Truth’ here.”

“What’s that?” When Eric gives me a disbelieving look, I wave at him. “Former Abnegation, remember?”

“Right—you don’t play games. ‘Truth’ is the same concept as ‘Dare’ except instead of going around and daring people to do something and taking a drink, you ask each other questions and take a drink."

“What if someone lies when they answer?”

Eric stares at me blankly for a couple seconds. “You shoot them.”

“What?!” My voice squeaks slightly as I yell in shock.

“I’m kidding, calm down. If you catch someone lying then you give them a punishment like drinking more or taking off clothing or something else, depending on who you’re playing with.”

“Sounds like a barrel of laughs.”

“It’s not that bad. It’s really just the same as drinking and talking to someone. The only difference is you get in trouble if you lie.” Eric pulls a flask from his pocket. “Here, give it a go. You and I should get to know each other anyway since we’ll be working together more in the future, I’m sure.”

“Fine.” I acquiesce. “Who starts?”

“Well, since you’ve asked me roughly a million questions already, I’ll ask the first question, which means you drink and answer.”

I pluck the flask out of his hand, unscrew the cap and take a swig. The liquid burns as it runs down my throat. “OK, shoot.”

“Why did you really leave the party?”

Sure, of course he starts with that one.

“You couldn’t ask me something easier like what my middle name is?”

“Stop deflecting and answer the question.”

“Fine. Christina forced me to go as she forces me to go to every party because she’s obsessed with finding someone for me to date. I was getting annoyed by it and didn’t want to spend the night with her drunkenly trying to push me toward guys so I left.”

“Why does she want to—“

“Nope, I answered your question. Now I ask you one.”

“Touche.”

“Why did you really leave the party?”

Eric takes a long pull from the flask. “It was boring.”

“That’s so clearly a lie I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear it. Take another drink and honestly answer.”

He takes another drink quickly. “I saw you talking to Four and then quickly leave so I thought he might have said something that upset you. I figured you might want to talk about it if he did.”

_That’s weird._

Eric hands the flask back to me so I take a sip as I wait for his question.

“So what _is_ your middle name?”

I have to laugh a little at that one. “Thanks for that. It’s Grace, by the way.” I press the flask back into his hand.

“You were so mean to me during initiation. Why are you suddenly being nice to me?”

“I’m always mean to initiates. We don’t know who will make it so there’s no use getting attached. Now that you’re a member and going to be a leader, I figured it’s time I tried to get to know you.” He rests a hand on my wrist, which catches my attention so I look up at him.   “I never actually hated you, Tris. It’s my job to make initiates strong and brave. I can’t do that by being nice.”

“Interesting theory.” I take the flask from him and tip it back. As I look around me afterwards, I start to really feel the effects of its contents. All of me is starting to feel sluggish.

“You feeling alright, Tris?” Eric’s voice is quiet. His eyes hold concern, which is odd.

“Yes. I just don’t really drink so it’s starting to hit me.” My cheeks burn with embarrassment at my admission. “Not very Dauntless, huh?”

His warm smile surprises me just like his touch did earlier. “Don’t worry—I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thanks. It’s your turn to ask something, by the way.”

“Right. So how many times have you drank before, exactly?”

“Tonight is actually my first. Will gave me a drink earlier that I didn’t have much of and now I’ve had whatever this is.”

“OK. Well, tell me if you start feeling bad or if you shouldn’t have any more. I’ll make sure you get home safely.”

“How chivalrous of you. Now I get to ask a question.” Eric nods, taking a drink. “Where have you been since initiation?”

A heavy sigh escapes and he shifts uncomfortably before he speaks. “Harrison sent me on a mission out at Erudite after Max and Jeanine were arrested. Like I said earlier, I just got back.”

“Why did he—“

“Nope. My turn to ask.” I take another small sip, realizing that I should probably stop soon. “Why does Candor want to set you up with someone so much?”

“Candor?”

“Christina.”

“Oh. She and Will moved in together and are getting pretty serious, I think. She’s really happy and I’m happy for her. She just thinks that I’ll be happier if I’m dating someone.” I stop for a moment but the liquor has loosened my tongue so I continue. “But really, it’s probably that she feels bad that I’m always the third wheel… and she’s worried I’ll die alone or something.”

Eric lets out a hearty laugh at my comment. I don’t know why.

“I highly doubt that you’ll die alone, Tris. There are plenty of men in Dauntless who would line up to date you. I’m just surprised Christina is trying to make you date—I’d think you’d already have your schedule packed with them.”

“Well, being a leader-in-training takes up a lot of my time. I don’t get out much.”

“I’d think Four would be actively wooing you.”

“I’m not interested in Four.”

Eric’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Why is that?”

“Nope. I already answered your question. I get to ask one.”

As I turn to hand the flask to him, the world becomes unsteady. My hand clutches the railing a bit tighter to keep me from swaying and toppling over. For a moment I think I feel Eric’s hand touch my waist, pushing me so I’m standing more securely but that must be the alcohol creating that illusion. 

“Why do you have so many piercings?” We’re standing so we’re facing each other now. For the first time I really take in his grey eyes. In another life I might have gotten lost in those eyes for hours.

“The same reason why other people get tattoos and piercings here—to embrace my faction. They make me feel more Dauntless.”

“Well, you’d look better without most of them.”

“I’ve never had anyone tell me that before.”

“Well, you would." 

“Why is that?”

“Oh no, I’m not answering that unless it counts as your question to me this round.”

“Fine, it does. But you don’t need to drink. I’ll take the drink for you.” I giggle a little at his offer as he takes a long sip from the flask.   “So Tris, why is it that you think I’d look better without most of my piercings?" 

“You can’t really see your face with them in.” I can feel the heat creeping up my neck. While the alcohol begs for me to elaborate, my embarrassment stops me from doing so.

“That’s not a real answer, Tris. It borders on lying, really.” Eric steps closer to me. There are now less than six inches between us. It’s close enough that I have to tilt my head up to maintain eye contact with him.

I know I’ve lost this battle. I sigh loudly and roll my eyes. “Fine. You actually are really attractive. You have nice eyes and a good smile but they’re hidden by all the metal.”

The hint of a smile comes across his face. “So you think I’m attractive, eh?" 

I swat my hand at his arm. “Whatever. You heard my answer and it’s not like anyone hasn’t told you that before.” My cheeks are probably scarlet right now.

“But _you’ve_ never told me that before.” He glides a finger across my cheekbone. “And it clearly embarrasses you to admit that you’re attracted to me.”

I push his hand away even though I really want to lean into his touch.

“I never said I was attracted to you; just that you’re attractive. Now I get to ask a question.” Eric takes another drink. I don’t understand how he’s still not drunk. “OK, this question may be dumb but how are you able to drink so much?”

“I’ve drank many times before so my tolerance is much higher than yours. With alcohol, the more times you drink, the more tolerance you build up to it. Speaking of which, do you want to go somewhere else? You’re swaying a lot. It might be good for you to sit down. I can also take you home if you want.”

“My apartment is a long walk from here and I don’t feel like going that far but sitting down might be good.”

“I don’t want to sound untoward but my apartment is pretty much just down the hall. We could go there.”

“Look at you and your Erudite words. I take it back—your vocabulary wasn’t the reason you transferred.”

“Thank you. I’m very proud of my vocabulary. So what do you want to do?”

“Let’s go see this apartment of yours since it’s so close.” 

Eric waves for me to follow him. After a couple steps he slows to walk next to me. When my feet wander to the sides a bit as I walk, his arm snakes around my waist. I let myself lean a little into him to steady my strides. Thankfully, his apartment is as close as he claimed.

“Are you going to be OK standing while I open the door?”

“I’m not _that_ drunk, Eric.”

“Tell that to the wall you almost walked into back there." 

“Hush. Just open your door already.”

I stand up straight, removing my weight from him. He searches his pockets for a few moments before locating his keys and opening the door. I take a step forward but feel myself stumble. Eric’s arms quickly catch me around the waist again. I hear him kick the door shut behind us as he guides me to the couch. Once I’m seated he goes to the kitchen and returns with a glass of water that he hands to me. 

“Drink it. Trust me when I say that you’ll thank me in the morning for making you drink water tonight.” I nod and dutifully sip it. “Now, I believe it’s my turn to ask a question.”

“It is.”

“So why aren’t you interested in Four?”

My groan is involuntary. “I’m just not.”

“But it seemed like you were during initiation and it was obvious that he was interested in you. So why aren’t you interested in him now?”

“I guess I didn’t want to be with someone who always seemed to want to control me. It just seemed like he only wanted to listen to me when it was convenient for him. Otherwise, he just wanted me to agree with him and do what he wanted. 

“He couldn’t have been that bad.”

“I felt like I was always going to be too stubborn and independent for him. He was always going to see me as reckless, like a child.”

“Well, I can say you’re definitely not reckless. Brave to a fault and possibly to the point of stupidity, yes. But not reckless.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway. That’s why I’m not with Four.”

“Sorry things didn’t work out.”

“No you’re not—you hate him.”

“You’re right, I’m not sorry. So, question from you now.”

“Why did Harrison send you to Erudite?”

“He’s mad at me about Max and the whole plot to destroy Abnegation so this mission was my punishment.”  
  
“That doesn’t make sense. Weren’t you cleared during your trial of any wrong doing?” 

“I was. Harrison is upset because I knew about the plan but didn’t tell him about it. Instead I just led you and Four to the right information so it could be stopped in time.”

I wasn’t expecting that response. It almost causes me to choke on my water.

“Wait. What?”

“Weren’t you at the trial?”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Oh, well, all of this came out during the trial.” Eric stares at me for a few seconds, assessing my response. “Come on, you couldn’t have believed that Four could really get at secure files that easily. I put them on Max’s computer myself where he’d find them to make it easier for Four. I knew that between the two of you, you’d find a way to shut it down and warn Abnegation. Harrison is still just mad that I didn’t tell him straight away.”

“Why didn’t you?” The words are out before I can stop myself.

“I’ll let that extra question slide this time.   I didn’t tell Harrison because I wasn’t sure if he could be trusted or not. We’ve never had a good relationship and for all I knew he could have been working with Max and Jeanine. I couldn’t risk him being an informant for them and turning me in. So instead, originally I went with the person who I knew had the technical skill to stop the program if needed and who I knew would never, ever align with Erudite.”

“Four.”

“And then you got involved, which both made me confident that the attack would be stopped but also worried me.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Either one or both—why did it make you more confident and why did it make you worried?”

“You know, it’s technically my turn to ask the questions. I’ll answer though. I felt more confident because I knew how brave you were from watching you in training. I knew that you would always protect people who you knew couldn’t or wouldn’t protect themselves. But I was worried because I didn’t want you to get hurt." 

“Oh.”

“Not the answer you were expecting, I know.”

“Well, the attack was stopped. That’s all that matters so Harrison needs to get over it.” I offer the reply simply and with finality.

“Agreed. OK. Now a question for you: what are you looking for in someone to date?”

“That’s a weird question. Why the interest in this?”

“Stop deflecting. Answer.”

“OK. Let me think.” I glance around the room and pull my hair up into a ponytail as I think. This is difficult because I’ve never had to explain it to anyone.

“I guess it’s more than some things; it’s more of an overall feeling. But as far as qualities, I want someone who respects my independence and treats me like his equal. I don’t know. I’ve never had to explain this before to anyone.”

“It’s OK. It’s a difficult question.”

I shift in my seat and feel my stomach turn over. I feel like I’m going to be sick.

“Eric, where’s your bathroom?”

“First door on the left.” Eric stands as he says it, as if he knows exactly why I’m asking.

I stumble through the door and close it behind me. I barely make it to the toilet before I start heaving. I’m glad that I put my hair up a moment ago. Right now it’s one less thing to deal with.

After a couple minutes there’s a soft tap on the door.

“Tris?” Eric’s voice comes through the door. “Tris? Can I come in?”

“I’m fine.” It might have sounded convincing if I wasn’t heaving between words, but I am.

I shouldn’t be surprised that I hear the click of the door opening. I hear Eric shuffling around me until he situates himself to sit on the tiled floor behind me. He sets a glass of water on the floor next to me.

“I know you said you’re fine but you didn’t sound like you were. No offense, but you also don’t look like you’re fine.”

His hand begins rubbing circles on my back. My spine stiffens automatically at his touch. He must notice because his hand drops.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just meant to try to help you feel better.”

“It’s OK. I’m not uncomfortable. It’s just an involuntary response at this point.”

His hand tentatively returns to rubbing my back. As I continue to be sick, a fresh wave of embarrassment hits me. Eric is witnessing a completely mortifying moment in my life. I’m going to only see him more and more as I go through the leader-in-training program, especially since he’s back from his mission, and I don’t know how I’m going to face him after this episode.

“I brought you another glass of water. It helps to rinse your mouth, I’ve found. Plus, you’re going to be dehydrated.”

“Thanks. That was thoughtful.” I sit up straight and look around for it until Eric places the glass in my hand. After rinsing my mouth I drink about half of it before placing it back on the floor. 

“How are you feeling?”

“A bit better. Kind of tired.”

“OK. Let me know if you get too tired. I can take you home or you can stay here or whatever you would like.”

“Thanks.”

The chill from the tile is increasingly cold on my flesh. Without realizing it, I’ve begun shivering slightly. Once I become conscious of it, however, I can’t stop.

“Cold?” Eric asks.

I nod. He pulls his sweater off in one motion and pulls it down over my head. I push my arms through and pull the hem down over the rest of my torso.

“Thank you.” I’m still shivering as I say it. The sweater helped but the chill is still cutting through me.

“Still cold?” Eric’s face still is filled with concern. It seems so odd to see him like this.

The Abnegation in me wants to dispel his concern. “I’ll be fine.”

After several seconds of staring at me disbelievingly, he gets a determined look on his face.

“Come here,” is all he says before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me over so I’m sitting across his lap. The side of my body is pressed against his torso. He begins rubbing his hands along my arms to warm them. “I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable but I just can’t let you sit there and shiver like that. 

“It’s OK.” Oddly enough, I mean it because I don’t feel uncomfortable. My brain tells me I should, though. It must be the alcohol. 

“How are you feeling? Going to throw up on me?”

“Hopefully not but I’m sorry if I do.”

“Don’t worry about it. I won’t tell anyone about any of this, even if you do throw up on me.”

“Thank goodness,” I sigh in relief.

Eric just laughs. “I’ve had my share of nights in the bathroom after drinking. Trust me when I say I’m not judging you right now.”

I smile and let myself press closer to him. I focus on his heartbeat and steady breathing, which prove helpful in stopping my feeling of vertigo. Eric rests his chin on the top of my head in silence. One of his hands still slowly strokes my arm but now it’s more of a soothing gesture than one meant to warm me. It has its desired effect and I feel my eyes droop more and more with each passing second.

“Tris, wake up.” I’m not sure how long I’ve been asleep but I’m still sitting across Eric’s lap, leaning against him.

“How long have I been asleep?” I push myself away from his chest so I can look up at him even though the moment I do I feel cold and strangely lonely.

“Only a few minutes. This can’t be comfortable for you, though.”

“Or you. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. I was the one who initiated it, remember?”

“I know, but still—“

“I didn’t wake you up so you could apologize. Actually, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to just stay here tonight. I can walk you back to your apartment if you would prefer that but I don’t know if all of your friends will still be there." 

“They will.” And since the room still spins every time I move, I’m not sure I can walk that far.

“Well, if you want, you can stay here. You can stay in my room and I’ll take the couch.”

“Are you sure?” My question is punctuated with a yawn, which just makes Eric chuckle.

“Yes. Come on, I’ll show you where it is and get you something to wear.”

I slide off his lap so he can stand. Once he does, he extends his hands down to help me up. He pulls me to my feet, which still feel unsteady beneath me. His hand slides to my waist, steadying me. He doesn’t remark on it but he leaves his hand on my waist, his arm wrapped around me as he guides me through the apartment. When we reach his bedroom I sit down on the bed so Eric can riffle through his dresser until he finds a t-shirt and a pair of drawstring shorts that he brings over to me.

“These will be comically large on you but they’ll be more comfortable than wearing that dress, I imagine.” He grabs another set of clothes from the dresser and walks back to the door. “I’ll leave so you can change. I’ll come check on you in a few minutes before I go to sleep.”

The shirt _is_ comically large when I pull it over my body. The hem of it actually falls lower on my legs than the hem of my dress did. The shorts, even with a drawstring, are just too large and won’t stay on me. I stop trying and instead fold them and set them back on top of the dresser.

I take a moment to look around the room once I’ve sat back down on the bed. Aside from the dresser, bed, a nightstand and lamp, there isn’t any furniture. The decorations are sparse. For a moment it seems as though I could be in an Abnegation room right now. The only difference is a few books sitting on the nightstand. I slip under the bedspread and finger each book momentarily as I take in their titles.

Eric knocks softly on the door and waits until I call out to enter. He’s changed into a tank top and shorts. He crosses the room and sets a glass of water on the nightstand.

“You and water,” I tease. 

“You’re going to have a terrible hangover tomorrow I’m just trying to help you mitigate it.” He looks around the room for a moment. “Shorts didn’t fit?”

“No. The shirt is longer than my dress was though, so that helps.”

He chuckles. “I’m not at all surprised considering the large difference in our heights. I take it from the lack of falling or banging noises that you were able to get changed without incident.”

“Yes. You’re so formal.” I pat the bed beside me. “You can sit, you know.”

It takes a couple seconds for Eric to contemplate it before deciding to sit on the edge of the bed. He seems like he feels awkward. I notice him fidgeting; it’s something I’ve never seen him do before. 

“Eric, are you nervous?”

“Of course not.”

“Eric, remember the rules of the game. No lying.”

“We’re still playing?”

“Of course we’re still playing. It’s my turn, too. Why are you nervous?”

“I’m just not used to having someone here and I don’t want to accidentally make you uncomfortable. I feel like I’m going to do something to mess up.”

“You don’t need to worry.” In fact, the idea that he is worrying at all or caring for me still seems strange and new. This isn’t the Eric I met during initiation. “You’re so different than I thought you were during initiation.” I can thank the alcohol in my system for that involuntary admission.

“What exactly did you think about me during initiation? Don’t hold anything back.”

“Even if I wanted to, alcohol seems to be worse than truth serum, I think.”

“I’ve had truth serum. I’ll tell you truth serum is like being very drunk but without the nausea and hangover. Now answer.”

“You’re so pushy sometimes.” He simply raises an eyebrow at me. “OK, OK. I thought you were ruthless, dangerous and cruel. While I did think you were attractive, I thought your piercings were grotesque. I always wondered what made you so cruel and unfeeling.”

“Why did you think I was cruel?”

“You did hang my best friend over the chasm and have my instructor throw knives at me.”

“True but those things had a purpose.”

“Which was?”

“Maintaining order and pushing you further than you probably thought you could go. Christina gave up during her first fight. I didn’t want her to think that she could just always give up. As a soldier, giving up equates to death often times. And you with the knives, that…” he pauses for a while, clearly searching for words to explain. “I wanted to see if you were really brave or just putting up a front to protect your friend and get me to back down. So I tried to call your bluff but it turned out you really were that brave. You still are.”

“I didn’t think about it that way.”

“There was always a reason for what I did, Tris. You just didn’t always see it and I couldn’t tell you it." 

“I suppose so.”

“I should let you go to sleep. Good night.” Eric begins to rise but my hand shoots out, grasping his arm before he can get very far.

“No, wait.” I keep my grasp firm and my eyes locked on his.

“This may sound childish but will you stay here with me? It’s nice to have someone here for once.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Tris.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re drunk right now so you think a lot of things are a good idea when they’re not. In the morning you’ll feel embarrassed if you wake up to me next to you in bed.”

“No, I won’t.”

“Fine, then it’s my turn to ask a question now.” He shifts uncomfortably for a moment. I can’t imagine why asking me a question would make him uncomfortable. “Tris, how many fears do you have?”

That particular question was not what I was expecting for multiple reasons. “Eric, you saw my fear landscape during Stage Three. You know I have seven. Hell, you know what they are.”

“Let me rephrase my question then: do you still have the same seven fears you had during Stage Three?”

“As far as I know, yes. Nothing has happened that would make them change, though I haven’t checked since initiation." 

“Exactly. That’s why I shouldn’t stay here with you.” I don’t try to hide my confusion. I’m not following his thought process on this. “Tris, you were embarrassed just to tell me that you think I’m attractive. You will panic in the morning if I’m here and I’ll have to spend a lot of time convincing you nothing inappropriate happened. It’s better if I sleep on the couch. Really.” 

I huff at his reasoning. He’s treating me like a child who can’t make her own decisions. It’s just like everyone else.

“Then at least stay until I fall asleep. You can leave after that. I just like having someone to talk to.” I yawn halfway through the sentence, proving how tired I am.

“OK.”  
  
I pat the other side of the bed toward the head of it, indicating for Eric to move so he’s on my left. I catch his quick eye roll before he stands up and walks around to the other side of the bed. He switches the overhead light off before pulling himself across the mattress so he’s lying with his shoulders against the headboard next to me. 

I roll over on my left side so I can look at him in the dim glow of the bedside lamp. I’ve never been this close to him for this long. I don’t know that I’ve been this close to any man for this long before now, especially not in a bed. Right now I can smell his soap or maybe it’s his cologne. Whatever it is smells deep and spicy and like the forests that surround Amity.

“You smell like trees.”

Eric smiles and his chest shakes with laughter barely contained. “You make interesting observations, Tris. I don’t think anyone has ever remarked on my scent.”

“Well now someone has. Although I’d prefer you not tell me what I smell like right now." 

Eric reaches a hand over and adjusts the blankets so they’re tighter around me.

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do that. Besides, I know you usually smell like soap and a faint flower—maybe lilac.”

My eyebrows crinkle. Why does Eric know this? “Well, look at us, smelling like trees and flowers.”

“Yes, we’re quite the duo right here.”

I shift, wiggling until I’m up against his side, my head resting beside his rib cage.  
  
“Still cold?”

“A bit. I think sitting on the floor made me permanently cold.”

“I can get you another blanket.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll warm up. You’ll need the blanket for sleeping on the couch anyway.”

“True.”

It catches me off guard when Eric taps his chest with his left hand, motioning me to shift so I’m lying against it. When I move, his right arm wraps around me and he begins adjusting the bedspread to cover me better. Since he’s still lying on top of the covers, there’s only so much they’ll move.

“Eric, stop being so paranoid and move so you’re under the covers. I won’t bite and I won’t panic.”

For once, Eric doesn’t say anything but just listens. He pulls me back over to him once he’s situated himself beneath the bedspread. I lay my head back on his chest and wait while he adjusts the blanket so it’s tucked over my shoulders. There’s a brief moment when I can tell that he can’t figure out what to do with his hands—whether he should wrap his arms around me on top of the covers or if it’s safe to leave them around me as they are right now. After a few moments of fidgeting and starts and stops, he must decide it’s fine to stay as is and lets out a sigh.

“Are you comfortable?” He asks quietly, his right hand gently stroking the top of my arm.

 “Yes, Eric. Stop asking.”

“Sorry, I just want to make sure you’ll be able to fall asleep. That’s all.”

With my ear against his chest, I can feel the vibrations of his deep voice as he talks. The sound of his breathing is steady but his heart beat sounds quick; like he just got done running a long distance. 

“Eric, why is your heart beating so fast?”  
  
“I was just moving around. Your heart rate increases with physical activity."

“Thank you, Dr. Eric.” I roll over so my chin rests on his chest and I’m looking directly into his eyes. “But your heart rate is still too fast to be explained by that. No lying, remember?”

“I don’t think it’s your turn to ask a question, Tris.”

“Fine, you ask one.”

“No.”

“You’re avoiding having to eventually answer my question.”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to. It’s obvious. I’m making you uncomfortable, aren’t I?” I pull away from him slightly at my realization. Guilt burns on my face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—“

“Tris, stop. You’re not making me uncomfortable. A little nervous, maybe.” He pulls me back toward him so my chin is back to resting on his chest. His right hand starts rubbing soft circles on my back again.

“Eric, are you really scared of a little girl from Abnegation?”

He smirks at me for a moment. “No, I’m slightly _terrified_ of the new Dauntless leader-in-training who just ranked first in initiation and has half as many fears as I do. She’s pretty scary.” He stops to brush a strand of hair from my face. “I don’t know any little girls from Abnegation.”

“Why are you scared of me?”

“You _were_ telling me earlier how you thought I was cruel and basically evil during initiation. Now I’m lying in bed with you while you’re drunk and not wearing pants.”

My laughter erupts immediately at his last words.

“I didn’t know not wearing pants was such a problem for you, Eric. You know, I haven’t been wearing pants at any point tonight. I’ll have to remember that you like people to wear pants at all times. Maybe I should write this down so I don’t forget and accidentally wear a dress or skirt again.”

Eric lets out an exasperated groan. “That’s not what I meant, Tris.”

“So what is it?”

“You’re essentially half-naked in my bed. This seems like a recipe for disaster.”

“Well, you know what my seventh fear is so I doubt it will.”

“Your fear is part of why this seems ill-fated, Tris.”

I can’t help but roll my eyes at him. “Oh, please.” I roll back so I’m on my side again with my ear against his chest. “I hardly believe I’m so irresistible that you can’t keep your hands off me. I’m sure we’ll be just fine.”

“Weirder things have happened, Tris.”

“Yeah, like you taking care of me?”

“Alright, alright, point taken. Go to sleep.” He sounds annoyed.

“Good night, Eric,” I eek out around a yawn. Before I can register anything else, sleep overtakes me.


	2. Two

** Two **

There’s light filtering into the room from somewhere, which confuses me. I have heavy drapes on my bedroom window that block light out and I keep them tightly shut at night. Tentatively, I open my eyes and see an unfamiliar set of half-open curtains across the room from me. The light hurts my eyes and my head is pounding, which adds to my confusion. It takes an additional moment for the sound of someone breathing to register and I realize I’m lying with my head on someone’s chest. Their arms are wrapped around me tightly. Carefully I look up to see who it is.

I stifle the surprised gasp that forms on my lips. I remember drinking by the Chasm with him but the rest of the night is muddled and confused. I don’t know quite what happened but I’m in Eric’s apartment, presumably in his bed. And he’s here with me right now.

I’d get up but my head hurts too much and I’m still too tired to deal with the conversation that would result. The idea of facing Eric and asking what _exactly_ happened is not something I want to do right now so I push it away. I let my eyes slip closed again and allow myself to drift back into unconsciousness.

The next time I open my eyes, I’m alone in the bed. My head still hurts but the pounding isn’t as strong as it was earlier. Slowly, I pull myself into a sitting position. I look around the room and fragments of the conversation from the previous night trickle back to me. They’re like puzzle pieces that I can’t quite fit together. I shake my head, clearing them from my mind and slip out of the bed.

_Why am I not wearing pants?  
_

The question makes me panic slightly. My breathing becomes quicker and I search my mind for an explanation. _Think, Tris._

We drank by the Chasm and played ‘Truth’. The questions and answers come back to me with a bit of effort. I remember walking to Eric’s apartment with him holding on to my waist. Our conversation on the couch comes back in fragments, then sitting in the bathroom, feeling sick, while Eric held me on his lap. Finally, my mind dredges up the memory of Eric handing me clothes to sleep in, putting them on and realizing the shorts wouldn’t fit. OK, so one mystery was solved and seemed innocent enough. Hopefully the rest of this was similarly innocent.

My dress doesn’t appear to be anywhere in sight, which confuses me. I tiptoe toward the door of the room, wondering if there’s a way I can slip to the bathroom undetected. As I reach it, I notice a pile of black clothing on top of the dresser with a note attached. I step closer and pick up the note to read it.

_Tris:_

_I took the liberty of putting your dress in the laundry this morning since it got dirty last night. I can bring it to you later today once it’s dry._

_I stopped by your apartment early this morning to get you a set of clothes to wear. Your friends were asleep so no one saw me. Your keys are one the counter in the kitchen for you._

_I had to go to a meeting but I left breakfast on the counter along with some ibuprofen for the headache you probably have. Feel free to make yourself at home, shower, eat and anything else you like before you go. There are towels on a shelf in the bathroom if you need them and I left a spare key for you in case you need to come back for anything. Return it whenever you want._

_I’ll see you later this morning at the leaders’ meeting. Lock up on your way out._

_-Eric_

_P.S._

_Nothing happened and I slept on the couch. Stop worrying._

 

I read the note a couple times before setting it down and picking up the clothes. It looks like he picked out a pair of black jeans and a simple tank top. I glance at the clock to see if I have time to go home and shower before I go to work. I don’t so I pick up the clothes and walk to the bathroom. Since it’s right by the kitchen I stop to take the ibuprofen laid on the counter and munch on the muffin next to it.

I glance at the couch and notice a blanket and pillow thrown across it, looking like someone slept there but I know he didn’t. Why would Eric go to such lengths to make it seem like he did? A fragmented conversation comes back to me: me asking Eric to stay with me, him saying it was a bad idea.

_“In the morning you’ll feel embarrassed if you wake up to me next to you in bed.”_

I hate to admit it but he was right. I’ll have to talk to him sometime today about all of this. For now I just go to shower and get ready for the day.

………

 

The deadbolt sticks a little and it takes a couple of tries before I manage to get it to lock using the key. Luckily, no one is in the hallway to see me with damp hair hanging over my shoulders, locking Eric’s door.

If someone did see it, the rumors would start immediately. I can only hope that either the Control Room is too busy for anyone to notice this or it’s someone working who wouldn’t recognize me. The latter is a pipe dream so I hope for the former.

I manage to reach the conference room by Harrison’s office without running into anyone, which is good since I only arrive two minutes before the meeting is supposed to start. Eric is already waiting, seated at the table, reading a file of some sort. He looks up when I sit down across from him.

“I see you made it here alright.” He gives me a small smile. “You even managed a shower.”

“Yes, thanks for everything, especially for getting my clothes this morning. I’d be in a much worse state if you hadn’t." 

“Not a problem. I just grabbed the first things from your dresser. And don’t worry; I didn’t riffle through your underwear drawer or anything.”

I chuckle a bit at that. “I trust you." 

He raises his eyebrows at me. “That’s the first time you’ve ever said that to me.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything.”

“Including you looking hung over,” Harrison adds from the doorway. “Tris, I didn’t know you drank.” He crosses the room and takes a seat at the table where he can see both Eric and I.

“I don’t usually drink. Last night was a special circumstance.”

“Oh?” Harrison seems intrigued. This is the first time he’s ever seemed interested in my life.

“One of my friends dragged me to a party.” It’s not a lie. I just leave out the rest of the night.

“Tris suffers from having a friend who is terribly concerned with her lack of social life.” Eric fills in and Harrison nods.

“I’m not surprised. The leader-in-training program is demanding and it doesn’t get any better. I remember my friends reacted the same way when I was in your shoes.”

“So did mine,” Eric says.

“Yeah, but none of your friends were trying to set you up with any guy she sees,” I grumble. Harrison and Eric both burst with laughter. 

“That’s true.” Harrison looks at me again before continuing. “I don’t envy you that. Friends always mean well but can be misguided.”

“Are you going to be back out again tonight?” Eric asks.

“Unfortunately, but I’m not drinking this time.”

“Probably a good idea since we have a meeting in Abnegation tomorrow at six thirty in the morning. I’d prefer neither of you be hung over for it.” Harrison meets my eyes and then turns to make eye contact with Eric as well.

“Understood.” Eric’s response is automatic.

“So, now that Eric is back from his extended stint with Erudite, and Max officially was sentenced, we have a few changes to talk about. With only two leaders and a third one in training, the workload for all of us is going to be heavier. I’ll absorb a portion of Max’s work but Eric, you’re going to have to take part of it, too. You will also be the point person for Tris’ training from now on. Tris, you’ll be taking more responsibility than you normally would at this point but it will be Eric’s responsibility to help you with it."

“OK,” is all I can muster as a response. All of this sounds overwhelming.

“So you want me to train Tris?” Eric glances at me before he looks back at Harrison.

“Yes. You two better get used to each other because you’re going to spend a majority of your waking hours together, possibly even all of them at times. I know you two had your issues with each other during initiation but you’ll need to get over those.”

“Understood.” We both answer in unison.

“Good. Now, Eric, take Tris and walk her through the protocols for the Abnegation meeting tomorrow and catch her up on everything that’s been happening."

Eric nods before collecting his files in a pile to leave.

“The Ambassadors want to have lunch with us today so we can get to know the newest ones. You’ll both be expected to sit with us. Tris, you and I will meet after lunch for an hour to talk. Eric, I’ll meet with you afterwards. You can leave.”

Eric and I leave the conference room, me trailing after him. He leads the way to his office where I assume we’ll go over the information Harrison mentioned. He closes the door after us and I take a seat.

“So it looks like you and I are going to be spending a lot of time together,” I hedge.

“It would appear that way.” Eric studies his hands as he speaks.

“I want to talk to you about last night.”

“Nothing happened, Tris.” The words tumble out quickly. He must have practiced.

“I know you didn’t sleep on the couch, Eric.” He looks surprised when I say it. I hold a hand up to silence him so I can continue. “I’m not here to accuse you of anything. I know nothing, uh, what was you word? Oh yes, ‘untoward’. I know nothing untoward happened. I remember most of last night, though some things are fuzzy still. I also woke up early this morning and saw you asleep in the bed with me. You know, you didn’t have to try so hard to hide it from me.”

“I didn’t want you to feel embarrassed.”

“I know you didn’t.”

“It was my fault it happened, anyway. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I was going to go to the couch as soon as I was sure you were asleep. Staying in the room with you was an accident. I had hoped you didn’t notice.”

“Well, I did.”

“I’m sorry that you probably were confused and worried when you woke up.”

Eric’s apology catches me off guard. Prior to right now I didn’t think I’d ever hear Eric apologize for anything. I don’t doubt its sincerity because the way he’s shifting in his chair suggests he’s very uncomfortable. It strikes me that he’s actually nervous that I won’t accept it.

My chair scrapes against the floor as I push myself out of it. I walk around the edge of Eric’s desk and come over so I’m standing to the side of him, facing him. He looks up at me in confusion.

“You don’t need to apologize. You warned me last night that would happen.”

“The point of the warning, Tris, was to avoid it, though. Clearly it failed.”

He looks back down at his hands again. That simple, self-conscious gesture strikes a chord with me and I find myself reaching out to pull his gaze back to mine.

“Eric, are you really scared of a little girl from Abnegation?” I don’t hide the smirk that I feel creep on to my face.

Eric responds with his own small grin. “I told you last night: I don’t know any little girls from Abnegation.”

“Oh, I forgot.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“You still don’t need to be. You took care of me last night. If anything, I should be apologizing for inconveniencing you and ruining your night.”

“You didn’t ruin my night. I wouldn’t have been there if I didn’t want to be.”

“So I have a question for you."

“What is it?”

“Why did you ask so many questions about Four and I and about why I’m not dating anyone?”

“We probably shouldn’t talk about that here.” Before I can ask why, Eric gestures toward the corner of the room.

 _Cameras_. Of course the leaders’ offices are monitored.

“So, later?” I ask.

“Sure. Tonight, if you’re not too tired after whatever party Christina drags you to.” Eric smiles, clearly enjoying my growing irritation and discomfort with her efforts.

I groan at the reminder. Eric only chuckles at me. “She’s going to keep me there forever since I snuck out of last night’s party.” An idea strikes me then. “Why don’t you come with me?”

“What? Why?”

“Christina is terrified of you. If you come along, you can confirm the fact that we have to be at Abnegation tomorrow at six thirty. If you insist I have to leave then she won’t question it.”

“So you want me to be the bad guy.”

“Well, you _are_ good at it.”

“I don’t think this is a good idea since most—if not all—of your friends already hate me.”

“OK, you don’t have to be the bad guy. Just confirm that I need to leave early because of the meeting. I’m a terrible liar and Christina always calls me on it.”

“Fine. I’ll go with you. Where’s this party, anyway?”

“Lauren’s apartment.”

“I don’t know where that is.”

“How about I stop by your apartment on my way and we walk together?” My offer even surprises me and it clearly surprises Eric as well. That fact gives me a strange satisfaction.

“OK.”

We spend the rest of the morning with Eric reviewing my role at the next day’s meeting as well as the status of relations with Abnegation since Max’s arrest. To say that the relationship is icy would be an understatement.   From what Eric describes, Marcus still refuses to cooperate with Dauntless and Erudite in any way. He and Harrison, however, hope that Marcus will relent if they can persuade some of the other top ranking Abnegation members.

“So you don’t agree with what Jeanine was having Erudite publish about Abnegation?”

“No, of course not. Abnegation’s core values are as morally based as any other faction and it’s logical to give power to those who don’t want it and are dedicated to acting in others’ interests over their own.” Eric pauses for a moment before continuing venomously. “That being said, Marcus Eaton is a prick and should be removed from power." 

“Why do you say that?”

“Anyone who beats his child shouldn’t hold a position of power and respect.”

“So you _do_ believe the Erudite writings?”

“Only the one about Marcus beating his son but that’s only because I know it’s true.” He points at me suddenly. “And you do, too.”

My blush is unbidden. “What do you mean?” _How do you know?_

He rolls his eyes at me. “Tris, I know you’ve seen Four’s fear landscape. You know who he is and you know what Marcus did.”

I can’t lie believably so I just remain silent, knowing that’s enough of an answer for him.

“I’m surprised you care, considering who it is.”

“I don’t care if I hate Four; no one deserves to be abused.” Eric’s face is dark as he speaks, as if he’d attack Marcus right now if he walked in the room.

“That’s true.”

After a moment, Eric shakes himself from his daze, reaches out for his jacket, and suggests we go to lunch. I agree, shutting the file I had been perusing and following Eric out the door. In the hallway I find myself wishing Eric had grabbed a sweatshirt or something from my apartment this morning due to it being significantly colder out here than it was in Eric’s office.

“Hold on.” Eric walks back to his office quickly. When he re-emerges from it, he holds a zip up sweatshirt in his hand that he hands to me. “Here, you get cold more easily than anyone I’ve ever met.”

“Thanks,” I mumble as I take the sweatshirt and push my arms through the sleeves. It’s as long as a dress on me and I have to roll up the sleeves but I don’t care. It’s better than shivering at lunch.

I hear Eric chuckle softly at my defeat but I ignore it as I ignored his comment earlier. We walk the rest of the way to the cafeteria in comfortable silence. We part ways momentarily to get food and meet again to walk over to the table where Harrison is sitting. Jake—the Head Ambassador—is already seated next to him and Eric and I seat ourselves directly across the table. The faction Ambassadors gradually populate the table over the next several minutes. Uriah is among them as one of the Ambassador trainees. He eyes Eric’s sweatshirt suspiciously but doesn’t remark on it.

“Tris, where were you last night?” Uriah asks as soon as he’s seated beside me.

I can always count on my friends to out me in my lies to my boss, I guess. Harrison raises his eyebrows at me curiously.

“I was at Zeke’s party, Uriah. You were already pretty gone when I got there.”

“But you left so quickly. I didn’t even get to talk to you; it was like you were barely there.”

I hope beyond all hope that Uriah is miraculously struck mute at this moment. 

“That’s what happens when someone drinks too quickly.” Eric quips, clearly implying I got drunk quickly at the party.

“You left, too, though.” Uriah is on a roll with his observations.

“I did, because I noticed that she could barely walk. I went to make sure she got home safely.” That’s only mostly a lie.

“But Tris, you weren’t home when Marlene and I came back.”

_Seriously, Uriah, feel free to stop talking._

Eric lets out a full laugh that startles me. “Uriah, I swear you’re secretly from Candor.” Eric glances over at me and winks when our eyes meet. “You’re trying really hard to embarrass Tris here by making her divulge the extent of her drunkenness in front of Harrison.”

Uriah looks embarrassed and a bit guilty by Eric’s words. While I feel guilty about it, I still feel relieved that Eric’s intervention has at least meant that Uriah’s stopped talking and asking questions. Maybe I’ll explain to Uriah later.

“Was last night your first time drinking, Tris?” Harrison asks, brows furrowed.

“Yes.” I can feel my skin reddening. 

“No wonder you were done early.” Harrison’s face splits into a large grin. “So where’d you go, then?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I mumble the words at my lunch tray as I focus on eating.

“I’ll tell you later,” Eric offers Harrison, causing Harrison to drop the topic and switch to our agenda for the lunch.

I throw the remainder of my meal in the trash once lunch is over. Eric and I say goodbye to the Ambassadors before walking back to the leaders’ offices.

“You can’t tell Harrison I stayed with you last night,” I blurt as soon as I feel confident no one is nearby.

“I’m not going to but if you want it to remain a secret, you have to learn not to talk about it in places like this.” Eric waves his hand in front of him and my eye catches a glimpse of something in the corner. _Cameras._

“Fine. But what _are_ you going to tell him?” I try to ask it quietly.

Eric pulls me into a dark side hall. “I’m going to tell him that when I found you after you left, you were drunk enough that I took you to the infirmary so you could be checked out. They had you stay until you sobered up early this morning.”

“And if he checks?”

“He won’t but if he does, I’m friends with one of the nurses and she’ll back up my story. I’ll tell Harrison you are embarrassed about it and don’t want people to know, which should make him less likely to check into it.”

I nod at him. It’s a logical plan.

My meeting with Harrison goes quickly and I’m happy when he doesn’t inquire further about the previous night. Instead, he spends most of the meeting asking about whether I’m comfortable working with Eric and telling me I should come talk to him if Eric does something that concerns and bothers me. I’d find it a kind or thoughtful gesture except for the fact that he sounds like it’s more about his personal issues with Eric and not about any real concern for me.

Once the meeting is over I leave, only to encounter Will in the hall.

“We need to talk.” Will pulls me aside as he says it.

“What is it?”

“Tris, you need to be more careful about what you say in your offices. Someone might find out about where you slept last night.”

Oh no. I know what he’s talking about.

“But no one saw you leave this morning.” Will adds, helpfully.

“Did anyone see the office conversation?”

“Only me. I isolated and deleted that as well as the footage from this morning. I won’t tell anyone.”

Before I can stop myself, I pull Will down for a hug. The contact startles both of us, I think.

“Thank you, Will.”

“No problem. I have to say, though, that it won’t matter that I deleted the footage if you keep wearing his clothes.” Will fingers the collar of Eric’s sweatshirt.

“It was innocent, I assure you. I just didn’t have a jacket this morning.”

“It’s fine, Tris. Just be careful-- if you don’t want anyone to know you’re dating Eric, you need to be more discrete.”

“I’m not dat—" 

“Or whatever it is that is going on with you two. It’s none of my business. Just be more discrete unless you want people to know.”

“OK.”

Will walks away without another word. I continue on to Eric’s office. We spend the rest of the afternoon finishing forms and reports. Before dinner I hand Eric his sweatshirt and then leave to find Christina without comment. To his credit, Eric doesn’t ask any questions of me—he simply watches me exit.

As soon as I find Christina,, the questions start. Most of them I avoid through the intervention of our friends changing the subject. I don’t dodge all of them, however, and it takes a lot of effort to not say something damning without lying. While a lot of people still look at me suspiciously, they don’t continue questioning me.

“So you’re going to at least meet us at Lauren’s party, right?” Christina asks from across the table.

“Yes. I just need to go change and stop by Eric’s apartment.”

“Why?”  
  
“Because I don’t want to wear this to Lauren’s party.” I know what she really was asking but avoid answering by getting up to leave before she can say anything.

It doesn’t take long to change at my apartment so I’m able to slip out before Marlene gets home. Quickly, I make my way to Eric’s, hoping I don’t encounter any of my friends in the hallway. They know I’m stopping by his apartment but I know they wanted to ask why. I may have avoided the question at dinner but I won’t be able to avoid it tonight. I push those concerns from my mind, however, when I reach Eric’s door.

I’m not sure why, but Eric looks slightly different when he opens the door. He’s dressed in the same clothing as he was earlier, including his jacket and shoes, so I can’t figure out what it is. He motions for me to come in so I follow him into the living room.

“You look different tonight,” Eric casually mentions as he sits on the couch.

“I could say the same about you. I just changed clothes, though.” I finger the collar of my jacket to prove my point.

“No, it’s something else. You’re wearing makeup, aren’t you?” Eric raises an eyebrow at me with his question.

“Why do you seem so surprised by that?”

“I don’t’ think I’ve ever seen you wear it. You don’t need it but it looks nice.” He pauses to look around the room before back at me. “It brings out your eyes.”

“Christina and I have a deal.” I’m speaking quickly and trying to focus on changing the subject in order to ignore the blush I feel threatening at my cheeks. “When she makes me go to these parties I either have to wear makeup or a dress.”

“Neither of which you like.”

“No."

“So why do you agree to it?”

I shrug, trying to give myself a moment to find words to explain that don’t sound as Abnegation as the real explanation. “She’s my friend. She has good intentions and thinks this will help me find someone to date. She thinks she’s helping.”

Eric laughs quietly. “Your Abnegation roots are still there, clearly. You can’t stand to tell her no because it would be selfish to value your feelings over her happiness.”

“Well, I figure she can only drag me to these parties for so long. With what Harrison said this morning, it sounds like soon we’ll be too busy for me to do stuff like this so it will stop. For now, though, it’s fine.”

Eric seems to take all of this in and examine it in his head. “Thinking of dresses, by the way, yours is dry now.”

“Can I get it from you on the way home tonight? Marlene might be at the apartment right now and I don’t want to have to answer where my dress was.”

“That’s fine.”

“Did you ever tell Harrison your story of where I was last night?”

“Yes, when I met with him this afternoon. It was the first thing he asked me about.”

“What did he say?” I feel nervous that Harrison will think less of me.

“It was surprising, actually.” I make what must appear to be a confused look at Eric. “I think he actually liked me more after I told him the story. He was concerned that you were alright and asked me if I thought you were under too much pressure—if he was putting too much on you.”

“What?”

“He thought you got so drunk because you were feeling too stressed or pressured from the program. He doesn’t want you to form doubts about being a leader and quit.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I just told him that you got that drunk because you’ve never drank before and don’t know your limits yet—which is true.” _He has a point there._ “But that the reason you were drinking—I thought—didn’t have to do with your training but instead was related to feeling uncomfortable with your friends’ well-intentioned but also painfully embarrassing attempts to set you up.”

“Did he say anything?”

“Just that your friends should lay off of you.” He shifts uncomfortably and I know there’s something else he’s not telling me.

“What else did Harrison say?”

“He told me that as part of being responsible for your training, I should watch out for you.”

“So now he thinks I need a babysitter. Great."

“No, he wants you to succeed and he’s new to all of this so he wants me to mentor you and help you adjust. That’s all.”

“Why does he care so much? Dauntless isn’t really the faction that coddles people and this feels a lot like coddling to me.”

“It’s strategic. People in Dauntless see you as a hero for your part of stopping the simulation so they’re willing to follow you in a way that they probably won’t follow Harrison. Also, you’re originally from Abnegation and your father is second in command there. Harrison’s hoping that you can help repair our relationship with the faction after all that’s happened. It’s going to be especially important since we’re going to be proposing a lot of changes that may not be things the Abnegation immediately like when they hear them.”

I’d be surprised or insulted on some level that he only cares because of my relationship to Abnegation leadership but I’m not. Harrison is a soldier—he’s practical. He’s doing what he thinks will be best to help his faction. It’s actually a good idea.

“So what does ‘watching out’ for me or ‘mentoring’ me involve for you?”

“Helping you if you’re struggling with the responsibility or the hours, maybe giving you advice on how to deal with the transition. He was glad when I told him you’d asked me to come with you tonight to help you make sure you could leave the party early."

“We’re going to be spending so much time together that it barely matters, I guess.” I check my watch quickly. “We should head over to Lauren’s. If we’re too late, Christina will ask me a million questions about where I was, especially since I left dinner early tonight.”

Once we’re at Lauren’s party, Christina launches into a string of questions about why I left dinner. Eric isn’t present for the first couple of them, having gone to get drinks, but he returns just as Christina starts into another round.

“And why did you need to stop by his apartment?” Christina points at Eric as she says it. She must be too drunk to register what she’s doing because I can’t imagine Christina doing this sober.

“He didn’t know where Lauren’s apartment was.” I answer simply. Eric hands me a cup that I take.

“But why did you bring him at all?”

Eric jumps in before I can figure out a way to answer without lying.

“Because Harrison made me come with her. We have a six thirty meeting in Abnegation tomorrow and Harrison was worried after Tris showed up to work this morning hung over.” Eric’s face wears a scowl like the one that was constant during initiation.

“So you’re here to babysit her,” Christina responds angrily. She steps closer to Eric.

“Careful, Chris,” Will whispers at her but she ignores him. Will and I exchange a concerned look.

Eric’s eyes light with anger. This won’t be pretty. He sets his drink down to cross his arms. He steps closer and suddenly in this moment he seems impossibly tall.

“I’m here,” his voice booms, “to make sure that she’s OK. Since I was the _only_ person last night who bothered to check on her when she stumbled out of Zeke’s party, it seems like I’m the only one who will watch out for her. You certainly won’t. You just drag her to these parties and leave her after trying to push her toward whatever guy you want to pair her with that night.”

“Excuse me if I’m trying to make sure my best friend has fun.”

“And excuse me if I don’t trust your judgment since you never actually asked her if she had fun.”

“ _You_ don’t trust _me_?” Christina laughs. “And I’m supposed to trust you after you made me hang over the Chasm? I’m supposed to believe you’ll take care of my best friend when you almost killed me?”

“No, you’re supposed to trust me because I’m your leader and because I _did_ take care of your best friend last night while you were busy making out with your boyfriend.”

“Is that why Marlene said you didn’t come home last night, Tris?” Christina turns to face me. Will tries to pull her to him, to distract her from continuing but she ignores him. “Because you were with _him_ all last night?”

It dawns on me suddenly that about ten people around us have stopped their conversations and are instead watching us. It’s dimly lit in Lauren’s apartment but I’m sure it’s not dark enough to hide the fact that my face is dark red.

“It’s not what you’re thinking, Christina,” is all I can manage to mumble through my embarrassment.

“Then explain it to me.” Christina is resolute and angry. I have no idea how I’m going to get through this.

“She was with me last night.” A young woman with dark hair says from beside Eric. I don’t know her but she looks familiar.

“Who are you?” Christina asks.

“My name is Janelle. I’m a nurse in the infirmary.” My eyes dart to Eric’s and I realize that he must have asked her to come tonight just in case this happened.

Christina looks confused for a moment.

“Why were you in the infirmary?” Christina asks me quietly.

“You’re as bad as Pedrad,” Eric says through an incredulous laugh. “Tris, I swear your friends are on a mission to embarrass you in front of the entire faction.” Christina turns her attention to Eric and he stares at her, a dark glare on his face. “I brought her there. I was worried about her when I caught up with her last night.”

“And it was good he did,” Janelle adds. “You can never be too careful.”

Christina looks at me apologetically and turns to leave. I can’t bring myself to look at Will. I feel guilt crushing me that I just allowed my best friend to believe a tremendous partial lie. The crowd around us thins and I go to stand by Eric.

“That could have gone better.” I can’t control the cold tone of my voice. I’m too angry and guilt-ridden.

“I didn’t mean to announce that to so many people. I got angry when she insulted me and then got a little carried away.” Eric sounds and looks sheepish as he says it.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s better than the alternative—Christina outing the truth to all of those people.” Eric sighs loudly and nods at me.

Janelle walks over so she’s standing in front of me. “Hi, Tris.” She holds her hand out to shake mine. I extend my hand, certain my handshake is terrible. She chuckles, confirming for me that it is. “I heard you were from Abnegation originally. Your handshake confirms it. It’s nice to see you conscious for a change.”

It takes a second form me to realize that she took care of me during initiation. “Thank you for your help, both during initiation and now.”

Janelle smiles pleasantly at me. “You’re a friend of Eric’s so it’s not a problem.” Eric rolls his eyes and mumbles something about another drink before walking away. Janelle continues once he’s gone. “I’m not sure what happened but I’ve never seen Eric act this way about anyone. It’s nice to see him care about something other than the faction.”

I don’t know what to make of her comment so I try to ignore it. “How do you know Eric? Did you go through initiation together?”

“No, I transferred from Erudite a year before him. We were friends growing up, though. He’s actually a good guy; just quiet and distant from virtually anyone. Most people just don’t ever get to know him.”

“It seems I’m learning a lot of things about him that I would have never guessed.”

Janelle pats my arm.   “Just give him a chance.” She winks at me before walking away.

Eric reappears after a moment. “Sorry about Janelle—we’re old friends.   She sometimes likes to extol my virtues to a point where it becomes embarrassing.”

“She is quite the Eric fan.” I smile at him as I say it. He smiles back and shrugs. That’s when I notice the small spots on his face I’ve never noticed before.

_Holes. From piercings._

Finally it clicks in my mind. “You took out some of your piercings. _That’s_ why you look different.”

“I was waiting to see how long it took you to figure it out.”

“Why did you take them out?’

“After you mentioned I’d look better with less, I thought possibly other people thought that, too. I figured I’d give it a try.”

“Well, you do look better but you should take out a few more.” I can’t believe I just said that out loud. “Sorry, that was rude.”

Eric chuckles. “It’s OK. Your honesty is helpful.”

“So why do you suddenly care about how you look?”

“I don’t want to be alone forever, Tris.” He sounds almost sad when he says it. Part of what Janelle said comes back to me.

“What about Janelle? She definitely is your fan. You could date her.”

“No, Janelle is like a sister.” He points at her in the distance. “And if you didn’t notice, she’s engaged.”

“Maybe Christina can help set you up, then.” We both laugh at that.

“Speaking of which,” he begins once he’s regained his composure.   “Shouldn’t you be out there trying to pick up men? I don’t think you’re going to have much luck if you stand here and talk to me all night.”

I roll my eyes at him. “I don’t want to go pick up anyone.”

“So no interest in dating?”  
  
I shrug. “It’s not that. I just don’t want to force it. I’d rather meet someone and have it happen naturally. I’m not in a hurry or anything. I’m only sixteen.”

“I think that’s smart.”

Before I can ask Eric why we keep coming back to this topic, Will appears.

“Can I talk to you, Tris?” I know what this is about already.

“Will, you can talk to me in front of Eric. It’s not like he doesn’t already know, anyway.”

“Fine.” Will huffs a big angrily. He continues in a quiet tone. “I can’t believe you let Christina believe all of that. She feels terrible. She thinks you were really sick in the infirmary instead of doing whatever you were doing with Eric last night.” His accusation is a punch to the gut.

“Will, it wasn’t what you’re thinking. I really was drunk last night and I really was sick and then hung over this morning. The only difference is that I slept at Eric’s apartment because I was too sick to go anywhere else.”

Will looks alarmed at my statement. “Are you OK?”

“I’m fine now.”

Will turns to Eric, “if you did anything to her…”

“Relax. I just brought her water and made sure she had a place to sleep,” Eric says in an authoritative voice.

“So it’s fine, Will. Nothing happened. I just don’t want everyone knowing that I slept at Eric’s because you know they’d never believe nothing happened.”

“You never know. You were from Abnegation after all.” Will grins as he jokes.

“She’s from Dauntless now.” Eric responds insistently.

Will nods. “I’m glad you’re OK.” He looks over to Eric. “I’m glad you were there for her. Thank you.” Eric shakes Will’s hand before Will walks back to Christina.

“I guess I should hang out with you more. People seem to think better of me when they see you talking to me.” Eric smiles a little sadly as he says it.

“What do you mean?”

“Harrison has hated and been wary of me since I was an initiate. Suddenly I spend one night taking care of you and now he trusts me. He even likes me, it seems. It’s the same thing with your friends. Will has hated me since that day at the Chasm with Christina. After your story he’s _thanking_ me.”

“I think it has more to do with them hearing that you took care of someone. Caregiver is a role they wouldn’t normally associate with you. It forces them to see you in a different light.”

Eric shakes his head. “It’s also _who_ I took care of. If I had taken care of Peter, people might be surprised but overall it wouldn’t change their opinion of me. Because they trust you and think you have good judgment, the fact that you trust me enough to take care of you and to associate with me has an impact on them.”

That thought makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to have that amount of power over people.

“Why are you telling me this, Eric?”

“It just makes me think that Harrison was right—you are the right person to be the new Dauntless leader. Your Abnegation tendencies serve you well in this capacity.”

“But I’m loyal to Dauntless. You said it yourself—I’m from Dauntless now.”

Eric looks at his drink, frowning down at it. “I meant what I said but we both know you’re more than Dauntless, Tris.”

My eyes widen. I can’t believe he’s saying this here. I grab his drink from him and set it on the table. Seizing his hand, I start walking toward the door.

“We need to go.”

Once we’re in the hallway, I start heading in the direction of his apartment. I drop his hand and he walks silently by my side. When we reach his door, I pull out my keys, using the spare he left for me to open it. He follows me into his apartment and closes the door behind us.

“What did you mean by your comment?"

Eric rolls his eyes at me again. “I’ve known you were Divergent since capture the flag, Tris. Anyone who thinks of climbing the ferris wheel to find the flag isn’t just Dauntless; she’s Erudite as well. The knife incident only confirmed for me that you’re also Abnegation and Dauntless. An aptitude for three factions is very rare. I don’t know why you’re so secretive about it now though—with Jeanine gone, no one hunts Divergents anymore.”

“You _knew_?”

“Yes.   I didn’t tell Jeanine. With an aptitude for three factions, you would have become her favorite test subject in a heartbeat if she knew. She suspected you were Divergent but I dissuaded her from that idea by telling her I thought Peter was.”

“Why?”

“I was her Divergent hunter in order to make her trust me and so I could protect Divergents. I never turned anyone in to her. I simply led her to dead ends over and over again every year.”

“Why did you want to protect Divergents?”

“Why do you think, Tris?” Eric looks at me with raised eyebrows and a face that tells me I’ve been missing something important and obvious all this time.

“Because…you’re Divergent, too.”

“Yes. That’s why I became her hunter and through that protected any Divergents I could in Dauntless.”

It’s actually not as surprising as it should be. He has so many Erudite tendencies that it would make sense for him to have aptitudes for both factions.

“You won’t tell anyone I’m Divergent, will you, Eric?”

“I didn’t then. I won’t now.”

The relief I feel is immediate and before I realize what I’m doing, I’m standing on my tiptoes to hug him. The gesture must surprise him because he stiffens for a moment before wrapping his arms around my waist. The embrace is comforting and I bury my face in his shirt, taking in his scent. Vaguely I can feel his cheek against the top of my head.

“Thank you.” The words are muffled against the cloth of his shirt.

“I told Harrison I’d watch out for you. It’s part of my job.” The softness of his voice is new to me. I wonder how often he speaks to people this way.

“Well, you hadn’t made Harrison any promises back when I was an initiate.”

“No, I had made a lot of other people promises then but that’s a story for another day.” He pauses for a moment. “By the way, I was right, I think: you smell like lilacs and soap.” 

I can’t help but laugh. “And you still smell like trees.”

“Look at us, smelling like trees and flowers.” His voice is barely a whisper and I can hear the smile in it. I smile into his chest as we both laugh softly.

After a few moments his grip loosens and I begin to pull back. On impulse, I lean up and brush a quick kiss across his cheek. I have no idea why I did that. The embarrassment is immediate and incredible. Quickly I glance up at Eric and am met by a surprised expression.

I step back, averting my gaze. 

“I should go. Early morning." 

“Tris, wait.” Eric begins to protest but I hastily make my way to the door and exit before I can hear any more.

I practically run to my apartment, unlocking the door with shaky hands and closing it behind me once I’m inside. I lean against the door and close my eyes.

_What in the world did I just do?_


	3. Three

** Three **

My eyes are bleary and a yawn threatens at my lips. The door creaks and groans on unoiled hinges as I push it open. The world beyond is still dark, probably because it’s five forty in the morning. I pull my collar up, trying to bring it closer around my neck; I want to block the morning chill I feel creeping through every seam.

In front of me, standing idly by the tracks, I see Harrison, Eric, Jake, Uriah and Ariana. Ariana is the Ambassador to Abnegation. Jake must be here because restoring the relationship with my former faction is enough of a priority to call for the Head Ambassador to come along. Uriah must be the trainee who is rotating into this meeting for learning purposes.

My feet take me to stand next to Uriah so I’m placed between him and Jake. Eric stands on the other side of Uriah and I can feel the weight of his stare as I stand.

“Good to see you, Tris,” Jake remarks. “You look better than you did yesterday.” He smiles and elbows me, clearly indicating that he’s joking.

“Given how early it is and how much trouble I had sleeping, I don’t _feel_ much better than I did yesterday.”

Jake chuckles. “Not a morning person?”

“No. It’s dark, early and cold.” I duck my chin down into the raised collar of my jacket to make my point clearer.

“You think it’s cold?” Jake asks and I notice he’s standing with his jacket open and just a t-shirt beneath it.

“Tris gets cold easier than any person I’ve ever met. If you don’t watch out, she’ll steal your jacket.” Eric calls it out from where he’s standing.

“So that must be how she ended up wearing your sweatshirt yesterday,” Jake calls back.

“Watching her freeze was just sad so I didn’t fight her when she took it.”

I roll my eyes at Eric’s revisionist recount of yesterday’s events. “Yeah, that’s _exactly_ how it happened.” My voice drips with sarcasm.

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a woman who takes what she wants,” Jake winks at me as he says it.

“I never said there was, nor was I apologizing.”

“Good, I think we’ll get along just fine, Tris Prior.”

“Praise the universe, my dreams have come true. I now have your approval.”

Jake laughs heartily.

“You are the best transfer I’ve ever met.”

“She’s not a transfer anymore. Soon she’ll be your leader. You’d do well to remember that, Jake.” Harrison interjects when he appears at my side. He holds Jake’s gaze for a few seconds before looking at me. “Tris, I need you and Eric to come talk to me for a moment.”

I fall into step behind Harrison as we walk away from the tracks. When we pass by Eric, he joins us, following at my heels. Harrison abruptly stops and turns to face us when we’re about fifty feet away from the others. Harrison looks around. I suspect he’s checking for cameras and whether we’re far enough away from the others for this conversation.

At that moment the wind picks up and the chill makes me involuntarily shiver. Out of the corner of my eye I see Eric look at me and immediately take off his jacket. Then he takes off the long sleeved shirt beneath it, revealing a t-shirt that clings to his torso.

“Take it.” He holds the shirt out to me. “Don’t be stubborn just because of my joke earlier. I don’t think anyone wants to explain to Andrew Prior why you froze to death this morning.”

Harrison laughs at us despite the fact that he still isn’t looking at us.

The wind picks up again even stronger this time, which is enough to make me relent. “Fine.”

I unzip my jacket and pull it off quickly. Begrudgingly, I take the shirt from him and slip it over my head. It’s as gigantic as I expected it to be.

“If you tuck it in and zip up your jacket, it won’t show,” Eric offers. He seems to have thought this out. I do as he suggests and hastily zip up my jacket.

“Alright, let’s talk about this meeting.” Harrison looks at us each in turn. “Today’s meeting will be difficult but it’s vital for moving forward. Now that Jeanine and Max have been removed it’s up to us to help the city move on. To do that, though, we have to rid the government of the last toxic piece.”

“What do you mean?” I feel naïve for asking.

“We’re proposing to remove Marcus Eaton from power. A majority of the factions believe he is unfit to run the government now. Even if the Erudite reports about him weren’t true—which everyone believes they were—other faction leaders have stopped trusting his judgment and ability to lead the city. In order to keep from devolving into war, Marcus must go.

“ _All_ of the factions feel this way?”

“All but Amity,” Eric answers before Harrison can.

“And it’s not that Amity wants to keep Marcus in power. They are just staying neutral, which is what they almost always do,” Harrison adds.

“Who would replace Marcus as leader then?”

“It would be up to Abnegation, ultimately, who their leader is. Part of our proposal, however, is also that we change the way the leader of the city council is selected so that every other faction has a say in it. Abnegation appointed Marcus but now the other factions believe it should be Andrew Prior.” Harrison’s tone is deadly serious as he says it.

“But Erudite put out reports about him abusing Caleb and I, too. Don’t they see him like Marcus?’

“No.” Eric’s tone has a sense of finality to it. “Andrew was originally from Erudite and they trust him. Also, since Natalie was Dauntless, there’s no doubt from us that Natalie wouldn’t stand for abuse. Not to mention that you and Caleb show none of the signs of having been abused. People from all factions trust Andrew and we think Abnegation does, too.”

“He won’t do it. Betraying Marcus will be like betraying the faction to him.”

Harrison stares at me for a long moment. “He’ll need to be persuaded by someone he trusts that leaving Marcus in power will be a betrayal of his faction at that point and may lead to war.” I know what he’s implying.

“Me?” I swear my voice squeaks as I ask.

Harrison only nods.

“Isn’t this what the Ambassadors are for?”

“Tris,” Eric begins quietly. “Andrew and the rest of Abnegation ultimately see the Ambassadors as Dauntless lackeys. He needs to hear this from someone he trusts and sees as a part of Abnegation.”

“But I’m not a part of Abnegation anymore. You weren’t at my Choosing Ceremony; you didn’t see the look of betrayal my father gave me when I chose Dauntless. He doesn’t trust me anymore.”

“But you were a part of Abnegation not that long ago,” Harrison interjects. “And his daughter.”

“Faction before blood.” I look at both of them before I say it.

“He trusted you when you warned him about the attack. He knows you haven’t really betrayed Abnegation since you saved them.” Eric’s words strike me harder than Harrison’s did. I try not to think about the planned attack and everything that went into stopping it.

“Still, faction before blood.”

“If you really think that will stand in the way, then talk to someone who is both to him.” Eric offers it like it’s nothing.

“Isn’t that considered treachery? I can’t just go talk to my mother.”

“You can if you’re a faction leader on faction-sanctioned business, which you are,” Harrison points out. They’ve really thought this through.

“But she’s not a leader on faction-sanctioned business.”

“Come on, Tris,” Eric pleads. “You know that Abnegation won’t actually punish her. Even if they wanted to, Dauntless would protect her.”

I can’t hide the frown on my face. While I know that Harrison and Eric are serious about their commitment to protect my mother, I can’t shake the feeling that it would be selfish to put her in jeopardy. I want Marcus removed from power, too, but I don’t want it at the expense of others. Talking to my father is probably the best course of action if he’ll listen.

The train light appears and we begin walking toward the tracks in order to jump on it. Harrison walks slightly in front of me. I feel a hand on my arm pull me back slightly so I stop. I turn to look up at Eric.

“Think about it, Tris. I promise that we wouldn’t be doing any of this if we didn’t think it was best. Marcus knew Jeanine and others were hunting Divergents, Tris. He knew and he didn’t stop them. He could have but he didn’t. He was willing to let you, me, his son and countless others be experimented on or killed.” He releases my arm slowly.

“Ready?” Jake asks me when I step up next to him.

“Of course. It ‘s not the first time I’ve jumped on a train.” Jake just smiles wider and throws an arm around my shoulder.

“I think we can be friends.”

“That’s great. I’ll think about that proposition.”

I take off running before he replies since the train is upon us. I fall into sync with it and soon enough I am pulling myself into the second car. I turn and offer a hand to the next person, who happens to be Ariana.

“Thanks.” She dusts herself off as she walks over to lean against the back wall. “So you’re Tris, eh?”

I lean out the door to check on the others. They’re pulling themselves up into the car behind ours. I watch as Harrison pulls himself up last. He must have been waiting to ensure the others made it first.

I turn back to Ariana and extend my hand, ready to fumble my way through a Dauntless handshake.

“Yes, I am Tris. How long have you been the Ambassador to Abnegation?”

“Four years.”

“How have you liked it?”

“It’s hard. They don’t see Dauntless as an ally, generally.”

“Well, Dauntless used to patrol the factionless sector. Abnegation voted to remove them.” I know this is one of the sources of tension.

“It didn’t sit well with Dauntless. There was a lot of argument and the two factions strongly opposed each other.”

“I know. My father spoke about it until the day I left Abnegation.”

“I’m not sure that rift ever healed. The Erudite plot against Abnegation certainly didn’t help.”

“No, it didn’t.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re coming today. Abnegation sees you as a hero for stopping the attack.”

“I’m not a hero.”

“It doesn’t matter either way. It’s what they believe.”

I don’t know how I should feel about that. Perhaps that fact is part of why Harrison thinks I should be able to talk to my father about Marcus—Eric had basically said as much earlier. The idea of him taking me seriously, however, still feels remote: far-fetched, even. I also thought that regarding him believing Tobias and I about the attack, though. Eric was right—he did believe me then.

“Were you a transfer?”

“Yes.”

“From where?”

“Candor.”

“Does that help or hinder your ability to be an Ambassador?”

Ariana chuckles for a moment. “Both. I can tell when people are lying to me, which can be helpful. Unfortunately, old habits die hard and it’s challenging to suppress the urge to say something about those lies, though. There are moments when I wish I had been Amity because I think this job would be easier then.”

“Has Abnegation always been your assignment?”

Ariana hums in affirmation. I don’t ask any more questions and instead let the silence linger. It’s comfortable but I can tell by Ariana’s shifting gaze that it will be short-lived.

“Can I ask you something?” Ariana’s voice is tentative.

“Sure.”

“Are you and Eric friends?”

“I don’t know about ‘friends’. He’s my mentor and in charge of my leader training.” Ariana nods. “Why do you ask?”

“He seems to act nicer toward you than he does most people.”

“I think Harrison told him he has to be nice, especially because of this meeting today.”

“He’s cute, you know.”

My brows furrow in confusion on their own. “Harrison?”

Ariana laughs loudly. “No, Eric. Don’t you think so?”

I turn so I’m looking out the open door of the car. That way she can’t see the blush spreading over my cheeks.

“Sure, I guess.”

“There are several women in Dauntless who think so. You wouldn’t be the first to find him attractive.”

“Clearly, since you do.”

In the distance I see the grey houses of Abnegation drawing closer. We’ll need to jump soon, I’m sure. Being so close to my old faction makes me nervous. It isn’t lost on me that this will be the first time I’ve seen my father since warning him about the attack. I have no idea what to expect.

“Time to jump.” Ariana says from beside me.

“Let’s get this over with.”

The asphalt’s unevenness doesn’t make the landing easy but I manage to avoid falling. Ariana and I wait a few paces from the tracks for the rest of our party to jump. We watch as they do, Eric and Harrison the last to leave the train.

“Ambassadors, with me.” Jake motions for them to follow as he walks past Harrison, Eric and I. He winks at me as he passes.

“Uh oh, Jake has a new favorite.” I roll my eyes at Harrison’s words. “Careful, Tris, you wouldn’t be the first new member to fall for his charm.” Harrison smirks and walks toward the main meeting building.

“See? Christina doesn’t need to set you up. Jake already has eyes for you.” Eric’s voice remains even, his face unreadable.

“I think he’s a little old for me.”

“Age doesn’t matter here, remember?”

I shrug. “Maybe it matters to me just a little.”

“Well, I’d be careful then. Jake can be pretty determined with his attention and sometimes he doesn’t understand when it’s unwanted.”

“It must be a requirement for the Ambassadors to like a leader, then.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Ariana likes you. She told me on the train.”

Eric shakes his head at me and looks annoyed. “She likes _everyone_. She’s just desperate to be with someone.”

“I think she especially likes you, though.”

Eric shakes his head again and begins to walk after Harrison. I scurry to catch up to him and fall in step at his side.

“Are we only allowed to talk about my dating life? Not yours?” I keep the words quiet as we walk just in case someone is nearby.

“No, it’s just not remarkable if Ariana likes me.”

“Well, according to Harrison it’s not remarkable if Jake likes me either.”

“Jake is more judicious with his attentions than Ariana is. He may seduce a number of new members but he’s selective about who they are.”

I stop a little way out from the entrance of the building. Eric stops as well and turns to face me, an eyebrow quirked in question. I don’t answer. I wordlessly unzip my jacket, remove the shirt he had pressed on me earlier and put my jacket back on.

“I don’t want to explain to my father why I’m wearing a men’s large shirt while I’m trying to convince him to remove Marcus from the council.” I keep my words quiet as I hand his shirt to him.

Eric takes his jacket off and swiftly puts his shirt back on. He looks over at me as he begins to put on his jacket.

“So you are going to talk to him?”

I nod. “After the meeting.”

“Harrison was going to make it the last item on the agenda. I’ll make sure he still plans for that.”

Eric and I walk into the building. It seems strange to be in here wearing black. The last time I had walked through these doors I had worn gray and my hair was in a tight bun.

When we enter the meeting room, Eric points to two seats next to each other and tells me that is where we’ll be sitting. I notice that Harrison’s jacket is slung across the back of the other chair next to where Eric’s spot will be.

I take my seat while Eric walks over to where Harrison is talking to one of the Abnegation council members.   I watch as Eric pulls Harrison aside and begins what looks like a whispered conversation between the two of them. Harrison nods as Eric talks, a smile forming on his lips. I assume Eric just told him I agreed to talk to my father.

I’m watching them so intently that at first I don’t notice that someone has sat down next to me until I hear his voice.

“Looks like you get the lucky assignment of sitting next to me, Tris.” Jake smiles broadly when I turn to look at him.

“Yes, lucky me.” I can’t keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

“It’s a good thing you and I are going to be friends since we’ll probably meet more like this.”

“I don’t recall making a decision on that proposition, Jake.”

Jake chuckles momentarily. “Oh, but you will and you’ll decide to be my friend.”

“I think you over estimate my kindness, Jake. I was never Amity, you know.”

Before Jake can respond, Harrison places a hand on the backs of each of our chairs.

“Jake, new plan. You’re sitting down with me. This is going to be a difficult meeting and you and I will need to be able to talk.” Jake nods and rises. “The rest of the Ambassadors will be sitting by you as well so they should come with you.” Uriah and Arian both stand and all three of them follow Harrison. Jake winks at me as he passes again.

A moment later Eric takes his seat next to me.

“You did that, didn’t you?” I mumble to him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You had Harrison make Jake move.”

Eric shrugs. “I merely suggested that given your background, you might still be uncomfortable with attention, especially from men and especially _that_ kind of attention. Since your relationships here are critical in this situation, I advised Harrison that he should ensure that you feel comfortable.”

“I can take care of myself, Eric.”

“I know. I just don’t want him to cause any problems. This isn’t about you or him. This is about what’s best for the faction.” His voice is sharp and resolute as he speaks.

“But it’s a little about him, admit it.”

“We’ll talk about that later, after we talk about why you practically sprinted out of my apartment last night.” Eric gives me a side-glance and my mouth goes dry. I don’t have a response for that.

“Beatrice?” The familiar voice of my father startles me from my thoughts.

I rise to my feet and turn. He stands behind the chair next to mine, placing a couple items on the table.   It occurs to me that he plans to sit next to me. We’re standing, looking at each other for a moment. I’m not sure if I should bow my head in the Abnegation greeting or not.

“I go by Tris now, actually.”

He frowns a little, nodding his head.

“Well, it’s good to see you. I take it you are through initiation and part of Dauntless Leadership now?”

Eric stands next to me and turns to face my father as well.

“Mr. Prior, it’s good to see you again.”

“Hello, Eric.”

“Tris here is our newest addition to the leadership team—she’s been selected as our leader-in-training and is working with Harrison and I. We’re very glad she accepted our invitation to join us.”

“It’s good to see Dauntless making wise decisions.”

I know that Eric must be grappling with deciding whether my father is making a dig at Dauntless’ previous track record of disagreeing with Abnegation and generally taking actions that Abnegation not only disapproves of but also deems reckless or brutish. Abnegation teaching, however, would see such comments as selfish. My father’s comment, therefore, is sincerely meant as a compliment.

“With new leadership, Dauntless is heading into a bright future. One that we hope includes a better relationship with Abnegation. Hopefully if the rest of the city takes a similar approach we all can find a path to peace and a stronger faction system.” Eric’s words clearly have an effect on my father before he takes his seat. I wonder if he noticed Eric’s hint within them.

Marcus calls the group to order soon thereafter and for the first three hours the agenda runs relatively smoothly. It isn’t until Harrison raises the issue of the other factions having a part in the city council and a say in the selection of the city’s leader that things devolve.

“What? You want to tell Abnegation how to function?” Mr. Black asks angrily.

“Of course not. What we’re talking about wouldn’t change Abnegation’s autonomy. Abnegation would still have its own leadership team that runs its faction just like every other faction does. The only difference would be that when changes or issues come up that affect the other factions, there would be a council with a leader from each faction that would make the decision. The head of that council would still come from the Abnegation leadership but would be an Abnegation leader that the other factions elect. Whether the head of the council also keeps a seat in Abnegation leadership would be up to the faction to decide.”

“This is just a move for Dauntless to put its hooligans with guns back in the factionless sector.” Marcus’ face practically glows with anger. I can see the small resemblance to Tobias right now. “I don’t care if you talk about Dauntless wanting a relationship or if you trot out your Ambassadors and that little girl who used to be a member of Abnegation. It won’t change anything. I—“

“That little girl from Abnegation is the reason your faction still exists and why you’re even still alive to sit at this table, Marcus Eaton,” Eric’s angry voice booms out, interrupting him. “Without her, Erudite could have and most likely would have overthrown the government and we could be involved in a civil war right now. And if you’d kindly remember, she is also soon to be a Dauntless leader as well as the person who saved your faction when you wouldn’t, so you should show her the level of respect befitting that role.”

“Yes, she stopped a plan that Dauntless willfully participated in.”

“ _One_ member of Dauntless willfully participated in it, “ Harrison corrects. “That member is no longer a part of Dauntless and all other members were exonerated. We were victims of Erudite as well. But now we’re trying to move forward and avoid a war.”

“Of course, you’re going to move forward with brutal policies and violence.” Marcus spits the words as if they leave a bad taste in his mouth.

“Marcus, that’s uncalled for,” my father chastises.

“We need to remember that we all ultimately have the same goal,” Ariana offers from the other side of the table, uselessly.   Harrison shoots her a look that says she’s not helping.

“No, that’s not what we need to remember.” My words startle everyone enough that they turn to look at me. Truthfully, they startle me a little as well. “We need to remember that we’re not that different. Being raised in Abnegation I learned the value of selflessness. During Dauntless initiation I learned about valuing bravery. The two, however, aren’t that different from each other, even if Abnegation does view Dauntless as brutal or reckless. The ideals that we embrace aren’t so different from your own.

“Abnegation practice their selflessness by caring for the factionless, volunteering in the community, running the government and generally trying to care for the city. The Dauntless manifesto calls us to embrace ordinary acts of bravery. It teaches the members of Dauntless that true bravery makes the strong person stand up for those who are weaker—to root out bullies, abuse and those who would use their strength to harm others. It’s what makes us guard the fence, patrol the city and provide security to help maintain the peace. It’s, frankly, what calls us to defend you.

“True bravery really is selflessness by another name. Even the faction founders knew it.

“Now, Dauntless, under bad influences that have since been eradicated, strayed from those core principles for a while, but everyone in this room knows every faction has strayed from their core principles as well. With new leadership, a renewed consciousness of what we should and could be, and a keen eye on the future, we can move forward. We need each other in order to do that, though, and we need to ensure that our leadership moves us forward; not backward.” I let my gaze hang on Marcus for a moment before dropping it back to the table.

“Tris makes an excellent point that all of us would be wise to keep in mind,” my father says and looks over at me for a moment. I swear I see a hint of a smile. “Even I need to remember this point. If we’re going to move forward we need to embrace this opportunity together and let it help us, not hinder us.”

“Which brings me to my next and last item,” Harrison begins. “As part of our proposal for a new structure to the city council, we also ask for the immediate removal of Marcus Eaton from his role on it.” Gasps and murmurs sound throughout the room. “To be frank, the other factions have lost confidence in your ability to lead our city due to your corruption and lack of vision. As we have removed the toxic leadership of other factions, we seek to do the same in this case.”

“Who,” Marcus begins as he leans forward in his chair, “do you think is going to replace me, then?”

“The other factions as well as Dauntless have decided that we wish to replace you with Andrew Prior as the new Council Leader. Of course, this would be with the intent that he serve as the head of the City Council as our proposal outlines the job. Abnegation would still be able to decide what role he would have within your faction.”

Marcus stands, his chair scraping against the floor as he does so. “This is outrageous. This meeting is over.”

The rest of the Abnegation council files out after Marcus. My father remains sitting as they walk, allowing others to exit before him. It also allows me a moment to talk to him.

“Dad, please give me ten minutes to explain this to you.”

“Not right now. Meet me at the supply warehouse in thirty minutes.” He hastily stands and adjusts his coat. “Only one of your Dauntless companions can come with you.”

With my father’s departure, it’s only my fellow Dauntless members and I left in the room. All six of us sit in silence for a moment, taking in what just happened. I wonder if this is the most quiet this collection of people has ever been.

“That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” Jake remarks with a grin.

“Yes, that’s because Tris bailed all of us out.” Eric shoots Jake an annoyed glance as he says it.

“She did,” Harrison agrees. “Excellent work, Tris, getting us back on track with a message of reform. Jake, you and the Ambassadors should have a training on contentious meetings and how to work through them. Clearly you need some brushing up on it.” Jake nods while Ariana looks slightly offended. “Tris, did Andrew agree to talk to you?”

“Yes, in a half hour at the supply warehouse.”

“Excellent. We can still be back to the compound by this afternoon.”

“He said only one of you could come with me. He’s always been wary of Dauntless so he wouldn’t trust meeting with six of us even if I’m there.”

“OK. Well, then the Ambassadors can go back to the compound. Tris, Eric, we need to talk for a minute before we proceed.”

The Ambassadors get up to file out of the room. Jake stays for a moment to talk to Harrison. They stand in the corner talking quietly to each other.

“How did you come up with that on the spot?” Eric asks me, his eyes holding mine.

“I thought about what Abnegation cares about and what I want Dauntless to prioritize. When Peter attacked me the only thing that made me feel better was realizing that he didn’t represent what Dauntless was supposed to be but instead just a gross misinterpretation of it. I accepted the offer to be a leader-in-training because Dauntless had become something removed from what it was supposed to be and I want to get it back to its core values. But, all of the factions have become removed from their original principles. We have gone too far away from what we were founded on.”

He just stares at me for a moment. I can practically see him turning the words over in his mind.

“There’s much more to you, Tris Prior, than I think anyone ever expected.” Eric smiles at me. It still surprises me every time I see him genuinely smile at anyone, let alone me.

“Well, Jake, you need to teach your Ambassadors how to better handle situations like these. They’re going to continue to happen and even get worse. If we’re going to avoid a war, we have to be able to navigate them. We’re trying to repair a lot of damage and I need to know that I can trust you and the Ambassadors to do your job so I don’t have to make Tris, Eric and I come to every meeting to babysit you!” Harrison’s shouting rings out and bounces off the walls of the small room.

Judging from Jake and Eric’s surprised expressions, this level of anger is not usual for Harrison.

“We all knew this meeting was going to be difficult, Harrison. We didn’t even think the conversation about re-structuring the government would last half as long as it did. We’re suggesting changing a fundamental piece of our city; that was never going to be an easy conversation to have. It wouldn’t matter if we had the best Ambassadors in the city—we were never going to survive this meeting without Tris. We both know that. I didn’t see you doing anything better than the rest of us in there.”

Jake pushes past Harrison and storms out of the room. The door slamming causes everything to shake slightly from the vibration. Anger radiates in the room still. Harrison turns to Eric and I, his eyes still bright with his anger.

“So, who is going with Tris to meet Andrew?” Harrison looks at me as though I should have an answer.

“Whoever we think he’ll be most likely to trust or at least feel at ease with. My father doesn’t generally trust many Dauntless so one he knows the most about would be best.”

“Eric, that means it’s you. Andrew was at your trial. He heard your confession under the truth serum. He knows more about you than he knows about me.”

“OK, then.”

“I want a full report from you, Eric, when you get back to the compound.” Harrison exits quickly, leaving Eric and I alone in silence.

“How do you want to handle this?” Eric’s voice cuts through the silence.

“I don’t know. I just planned to go talk to him, see if I can get through to him.”

“OK, so I’m just going to let you handle this and jump in when you want me to do so.”

There really isn’t anything else to say so I nod. Eric stands and starts to leave and I follow him.

“I can’t believe you weren’t warm in there with your jacket on.”

“It was cold.”

I ignore his chuckle. Once we’re out of the building, he stops and looks around. He’s lost.

“The warehouse is this way.” I tug on his elbow for him to follow me toward our left. I’m careful to guide us through back ways in order to avoid being seen. Since Dauntless members are not seen in Abnegation often, our presence would rouse suspicion.

Once we reach the warehouse, I take us through the back door. No one would be here this time of day or even nearby but I’d rather not take the chance, given how contentious the meeting was. There are tables and chairs lined against the walls of the warehouse, neatly stacked from the last time volunteers had sorted through supplies for the factionless. The Abnegation in me surfaces and I begin to pull a table toward the center of the room. Before I get too far, Eric picks up the other end of it and together we arrange what will be our meeting area.

“So this is where they keep the supplies for the factionless.”

“Where they sort them, yes. They aren’t stored long because the supplies are taken to the factionless sector almost immediately.”

“No wonder it looks so empty."

“In a few hours trucks with supplies will be here and there will be tens of volunteers that will sort through the supplies and bundle them to be given out.”

“Is everyone in Abnegation required to volunteer here?”

“Kind of. My mother oversees the volunteers here. There’s never a shortage of them since everyone in Abnegation is encouraged to help and each member devotes their extra time to volunteering around the city in some way.”

Eric crinkles his nose in a distasted face. “I don’t know how you did that for sixteen years.”

“If you don’t have an aptitude for it, it proves difficult, though Caleb was better at it than I was.”

“He didn’t have an Abnegation aptitude at all?”

“Not that I know of. My understanding is that he only has an Erudite aptitude. Somehow, though, he was always better at being selfless than I was.”

“I find that hard to believe given what I’ve seen from you. The fact that you felt competitive about who was more selfless makes it obvious why you tested with a Dauntless aptitude, though.”

“Funny, I thought that was more of an Erudite trait.”

His quiet chuckle causes me to smirk. Moments like these are making me more at ease with the idea of working with Eric so much, despite how I embarrassed myself last night.

The door’s groan is what alerts me that my father has arrived. A moment later I see his form making its way to us. Once he’s a few feet away, he stops.

“Beatrice.” He bows his head to me and I return the gesture. “I’m sorry—Tris. I still need to get used to it.”

“It’s OK. And you know Eric, of course.” He bows his head to Eric before we all take our seats at the table.

“The proposal Dauntless put forward today is challenging . Abnegation will not allow other factions to tell it how to run.”

“That’s not what we’re asking.” I realize as I begin talking that my hands are shaking slightly so I put them in my lap. “We simply are proposing that the head of the city council be an Abnegation member that the other factions agree upon. The city council would include representatives from all of the factions who would have a seat and a vote on the council and the person who is the head of the city council would work with the representatives on issues that affect the city. Abnegation would still run itself as it always has. The city council would only consider issues or proposals that affect the city; not ones that only affect Abnegation.”

“And what about removing Marcus?”

“The other factions don’t trust his leadership anymore.”

“Because of those Erudite reports.”

“Partially.”

“Beatrice, you know those were false. They wrote the same things about your mother and I and you and I know that those weren’t true.”

“I know what they said about you and Mom abusing Caleb and I was false.” I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the next part. “But I know Tobias Eaton, Dad. The report about Marcus was true.”

“Tobias is lying to you, then.”

“No, Dad, he didn’t tell me. Dauntless initiation includes going through your own fear landscape. You know how the fear serum Erudite created works, correct?”

My father nods. Of course he knows.

“One of Tobias’s fears was of Marcus beating him. I’ve seen it.”

My father shrugs. “He manipulated the simulation.”

“That’s not how it works, Mr. Prior. Even the Divergent are only aware that it is a simulation, with the exception of one person, who can manipulate certain aspects of the simulation itself. No one can actually manipulate it to the point of changing what one of the fears is.” Eric says it with finality.

“So the other factions want Marcus removed because of his treatment of his son.”

“It’s not just that. He’s ineffective.” I know I’m pressing my father’s boundaries with such a bold statement.

“Oh?” My father raises his eyebrows in surprise.

“He knew Jeanine and others were hunting Divergents but he didn’t stop them. How many people died because Marcus wouldn’t take a firm stance on it?”

“You should ask your friend here how many people he helped Jeanine kill then, too.” My father points at Eric. “He was one of her Divergent Hunters. Marcus didn’t allow us to take a stand but that’s still different than helping them be hunted down and killed.”

“I don’t need to ask Eric because I know how many Divergents he’s helped kill—it’s zero.” My father stares at me in disbelief. “Eric, do you care to explain?"

“Yes. I became Jeanine’s Divergent hunter as a way of placating her and gaining her trust so I would know what she was planning in the future. She was going to have someone be her Divergent Hunter in Dauntless; whether it was me or someone else didn’t matter to her. I agreed because as long as it was me it meant that I could protect the Divergent. For the past two years I’ve led Jeanine to a series of dead ends. The only times that she discovered someone before I could dissuade her from pursuing them, I was able to smuggle them out with the help of some allies. We then faked their deaths.”

My father scoffs at Eric’s story. “Of course; the people you killed mysteriously vanished. Who, exactly, were your allies in this?" 

“I’m surprised you don’t already know.”

“Why is that?”

“Because one of them is your wife—Natalie Prior.”

My face must mirror my father’s—shocked. The idea that Eric knows my mother surprises me more than anything yet. I can say with certainty that my father didn’t know either. 

“Why should I believe any of what you’re saying?” My father’s voice is unnaturally cold. The question itself goes against Abnegation teaching. If my mother was here I’m sure she would scold him for being rude and selfish right now.

“You could just go ask your wife. She can tell you that, frankly, you should trust me because Natalie trusted me with Tris’ life when she was an initiate.”

“What?” The words come out as a whisper. My father looks bewildered and surprised.

“When Tris transferred to Dauntless, Natalie suspected she was Divergent. She asked me to ensure Jeanine didn’t figure it out. When Jeanine began to suspect her Divergence due to Tris’ aptitude test results being manually entered, I convinced her to look into another initiate who I knew wasn’t Divergent. It was just another dead end for Jeanine but it kept her away from Tris.”

Despite my surprise at what Eric just revealed, I pull myself together enough to speak.

“Dad, you don’t have to believe us. All I’m asking is that you talk to Mom—ask her about what Eric’s told you. Then ask yourself if you’re all right with supporting someone whose conduct calls all of your faction into question and who has let people be killed. Are you going to let someone who would have let me die run our government? Are you willing to risk a war in order to leave him in his position? Because that’s where we’re headed if something doesn’t change. The other factions support you taking his place and I suspect that Abnegation would too. Just think about it.”

“When do you need to know?" 

I look at Eric, unsure what my answer should be.

“Our next meeting with Abnegation is in two weeks. Could we meet again in a week?” Eric asks gently.

“Yes.”

“Ask Mom about what Eric told you, OK?” I add as I stand to leave with Eric.

My father rises from his seat. He hesitates for a moment but then steps forward and hugs me. This is perhaps the third time in my life my father has shown me this level of affection.

“It’s selfish but I’m proud of you. You protected all of us and I know you’re trying to do what’s best,” he whispers against my hair.

When he releases me from the embrace, my father turns and bows his head to Eric.

“You two can go. I will put away the table and chairs.” I can always count on my father to do what is ingrained in the Abnegation faction in the end.

Walking back to the train tracks, Eric and I are both silent. I’m not sure if Eric’s silence is just out of respect for me and his assumption that I don’t want to talk or because he’s also dumbstruck by the exchange with my father. Either way, neither of us tries to break the silence as we walk, which also means that there are no awkward questions about last night, either. When we reach the train tracks, the train is just about to us, thankfully.

After jumping on, Eric and I stand on opposite sides of the open door. The breeze from it makes me shiver but I continue to watch the cityscape as it passes. I turn the meeting over in my head—what my father said and Eric’s confession about working with my mother.

My mother. Just the thought of her fills me with sadness. A few tears spill over the brims of my eyelids as I remember the few moments I had with her over the years, just the two of us. The presence of the tears feels strangely cleansing so I don’t brush them away—instead I hope the wind will dry them before Eric notices. I keep my eyes fixed on different points we pass.

“Are you OK, Tris?”

When I look over, I’m caught off guard by how truly worried Eric appears. Before I can answer his question, he’s crossed over to stand next to me. He shows no concern that he’s standing in front of the door and is inches from falling to his death at any moment. Instead, he seems more intent on studying my face.

“I’m fine.” I try to lie. I keep my eyes fixed on the passing land, hoping that will help.

“No, you’re not. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about your mother before we met with your father. I didn’t think it would come up.” He reaches a hand out, hooking his finger under my chin and pulling it so I am looking at him. “I won’t tell anyone about your father hugging you, if you’re worried about being accused of treachery.”

“I’m not worried about that, Eric.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“I’m not. I got something in my eye.”

Eric snorts with laughter. “You’re a terrible liar, Tris. I know you think I’ll consider you less Dauntless for crying but I won’t.” He places his hand on my shoulder and uses it to turn me so we’re facing each other. “You can trust me. Just tell me why you’re crying.”

“It’s a silly reason.”

“I’m sure I’ve heard worse reasons.”

“I was just thinking about my mother, about the few memories I have of her and I together.” I shrug, feeling helpless to explain why that would make me cry. “ I guess it just brought up a lot of…emotions.” I try to shrug again but it’s interrupted by a sob that I wasn’t expecting.

My eyes are closed so I only feel the warmth of Eric’s chest against me, the firm, steady weight of his arms around my shoulders. Even though I know I shouldn’t, I let myself cry against his chest. I feel him gently stroking my hair and hear faint sounds of him shushing me soothingly.

“I know you feel like you almost lost her, but you saved her, Tris. You saved your parents and their entire faction. You knew that hundreds—thousands—of people could die and that you could die warning them and you faced that pressure and that fear and saved them. Then you walked on like nothing ever happened. I don’t think anyone would find fault with you feeling emotional or even sad or upset when you think of her. Just because you transferred factions doesn’t mean you don’t still care about her.”

“Faction before blood,” I mumble against his shirt.

“Well, just because you still care about her and miss her doesn’t mean you don’t put your faction first. You proved that before and you did again today with what you said at the meeting and to your father. I would never question your loyalty to your faction and no one else would, either.”

On impulse I look up at him.

“Do you mean that?”

“Of course I do.”

His thumb swipes across my cheek, taking stray tears with it.

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

He smiles down at me warmly. “I think I’ve already answered that question.”

“I guess I still don’t understand.”

“I’m supposed to help you, watch out for you. It’s part of my job.”

“This seems a bit beyond that.”

He shrugs and casts he eyes over to focus on something outside the train car. “Maybe I just think that you should give yourself a break. You’ve done a lot to help Dauntless as well as the rest of the city—things I knew I couldn’t do. I don’t want you to have to deal with everything associated with that by yourself. You saved so many people, it seems like someone should be there for you for once.”

“You’re very surprising, Eric.” He frowns down at me when I say it. “I don’t mean it the way you think I do. I just mean I wouldn’t think you’d have analyzed the situation in such a deep manner and come to that conclusion.”

He points to himself. “Erudite aptitude, remember?”

I can’t help but smile back at him. “How could I forget that?”

“No idea.”

The wind picks up in the car, causing me to shiver involuntarily.

“Are you cold still?” I don’t answer. “You get cold easier than anyone ever, Tris.”

Eric takes off his jacket and places it over my shoulders. “Here, hopefully that helps. We should move away from the door, too.” He leads me across the cart so we’re standing next to each other against the far side. “I don’t know how you’ve survived the winters here with how cold you get.”

“It’s never been this much of a problem.”

Eric frowns at me. “Odd. Maybe you’re just getting old.” He grins mischievously and I find myself swatting at his arm.

“Sure, that’s it.” I shiver again. I can’t figure out why I can’t get warm.

“You’re still cold? Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously.   You’re probably right—I must be getting old.”

I don’t hear a reply from Eric. Instead, he moves so he’s standing in front of me and pulls on the collar of his jacket so it’s situated tighter around me. His hands glide over my shoulders and along my arms before he wraps them around me and pulls me against his chest.

“I’m going to spend half of my time keeping your body temperature at a normal level, aren’t I?”

“Hopefully not. I think you’ve spent enough of your time worrying about me already, even when I didn’t know about it.”

“It was my choice and you didn’t hear me protesting. Don’t worry about it.”

“Still, I can take care of myself, Eric.”

“I know. You can save a faction and keep a city from plunging into war; I’m positive you can take care of yourself. You’re not a child so I’m not trying to treat you like one.” He pauses for a moment and I feel his right hand smoothing my hair. When he speaks again his voice is soft and gentle. “Just because you can care for yourself doesn’t mean I won’t care about you or for you or try to help you anyway.”

“You don’t need to feel obligated to, though.”

“I know but I want to do it.” He leans his cheek against the top of my head. Without thinking, I lean into him more, wanting to be closer to him for some reason. As if I had spoken that last wish out loud, Eric wraps his arms more tightly around me. “Tris, why did you rush out of my apartment last night?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Yes, that was obvious when you sprinted out the door.”

“Well, I still don’t want to talk about it just as much as I didn’t want to last night.”

“Just hear me out, Tris. You think I don’t know you that well but I’m not as clueless as you think I am. I know you were embarrassed by what happened last night but you don’t need to be. I’m not sure if you were embarrassed because I know you’re Divergent or because we have to work together so much or if it’s something else but you don’t need to be ashamed.”

_That’s not why I was embarrassed then or why I am now. I’m embarrassed because whenever I’m near you it seems my traitorous body does things without permission. I can’t seem to keep control of it. It’s like my seventh fear come to life._

There’s no way I can tell him what I’m thinking so I remain silent instead. Part of me hopes that by remaining silent, I can avoid this conversation for the rest of the train ride. Another part of me, oddly enough, wants to press the subject.

“I don’t want to have to avoid this topic forever. I think if we talked about it, you might be surprised.” Eric shifts, lifting his head up. A moment later I think I feel his lips press against the top of my head. We stay like that for a few moments until I pull away from him so I can look up into his face.

“We can talk about last night right after we talk about why you are so interested in the reason I’m not dating anyone and not interested in Four.”

“I did tell you yesterday I’d answer that question and I will.” Eric looks out the door quickly, obviously assessing where we are. “We have to jump in about twenty seconds, though. Can we talk about this later today?”

“We can. I don’t have to go to a party with Christina tonight." 

Eric grins. “You must be happy about that. You won’t be pushed to talk to people in whom you have no interest.”

I nod and pull out of Eric’s grasp so I can take off his jacket and hand it back to him. I try to ignore how frigid and lonely I feel suddenly. A few seconds later, I jump from the train.

The impact of landing on the roof hurts more than it usually does. Suddenly, I feel the effort of the morning and the jump hit me all at once. The exhaustion is extreme and it feels as if it weighs down my limbs with cement. It becomes difficult to imagine moving or walking to my office because all I want to do is sleep. The only movement I can muster is to shiver because I’m so cold.

Eric stands in front of me. I think he’s confused but I’m too tired to think about it much or figure out an explanation for him.

“Tris, are you OK?” I feel a tug on my shoulders as he makes eye contact with me.

“I just feel tired.” Darkness begins to grow on the edges of my vision. “I think I need a nap.” My shivering grows worse. “And to get out of the cold.”

There’s a hand on my forehead then. “Damn it, Tris, you’re burning up. You need to get to the infirmary. I’ll take you.”

“I just need to rest first and then I’ll go.”

I start to take a step but stumble, losing my balance. Somehow instead of falling I become weightless and feel myself rising. My feet aren’t connected to the ground anymore.

“Don’t worry, Tris. I’ll make sure you’re OK,” a voice says from far way.

My vision goes dark and I trust the voice to do what it said it would.


	4. Chapter 4

** Four **

****

Antiseptic. I’ve always hated the smell of it and right now it’s filling my nostrils. It’s always meant sickness and even death. My voice sounds disconnected from my body as I groan. I don’t need to open my eyes and let in the piercingly bright overhead light to know where I am: the smell has already told me.

 

I open my eyes anyway, rolling my head to the side to lessen the impact of the lighting. Next to the bed I see Eric sitting in a chair, looking over a file in his lap. At first he doesn’t notice my movement but when I move my hand up to touch my forehead he looks up and smiles.

 

“You’re awake.”

 

“I am. How did I get here?”

 

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Eric closes the file and leans forward in his chair.

 

“I remember jumping from the train, then suddenly feeling exhausted. You asked me something and all I wanted was to take a nap. I tried to walk but I stumbled and I don’t know how but it felt like I was weightless suddenly. A voice somewhere said it’d make sure I was OK.” I pause to think, realizing how ridiculous the last part sounds. “I guess you must have been the voice telling me that.” My cheeks burn, embarrassed.

 

Eric smiles more broadly at me. “I did tell you I’d make sure you were OK. The doctor should be back in a minute to talk to you now that you’re awake.”

 

“Eric, how did I get here?”

 

“When I touched your forehead I realized that you had a terrible fever. I feel ridiculous for not noticing it before given our, uh, proximity to each other today. But regardless, once I realized you had a fever, you actually passed out so I carried you here as quickly as I could.”

 

“So I had a fever?”

 

“You still do, probably. It’s just not as bad. When I brought you in, the nurse immediately took your temperature—it was well over one hundred and three degrees. That explains why you’ve felt so cold, especially on the train.”

 

“I guess so.”

 

A noise interrupts our conversation. I look over at the door to see a doctor standing, holding a clipboard that he’s examining.

 

“Miss Prior, it’s good to see you awake.” He crosses over to stand next to my bed on the opposite side from where Eric sits. “I trust Eric has already informed you that he brought you here after you passed out.”

 

“Yes.”  


“And that he yelled at practically every member of the medical staff until the nurse, Janelle, got him calmed down and had you situated in a room and examined.” The doctor glares at Eric as he says the words, his voice with a tone of irritation. Eric shoots him a cold glare back and I swear I hear a quiet growl from him.

 

Laughter bubbles up from my chest at that. “No, he left that part out.”

 

“Well, he did. If only we all had someone who cared about us so much.” His words and the implications they hold cause me to fidget uncomfortably. “You came in with a dangerously high fever. You also were very dehydrated so we gave you some IV fluids and a strong fever reducer. It’s now a bit more manageable. How are you feeling?”

 

“Tired. Cold.”  


“Yes, I would suspect as much. Eric mentioned you had felt very cold all day, which was of course because the fever was developing and worsening.”

 

“So what do I have? What’s causing all of this?”

 

“We ran some tests and it appears you have a very rare and contagious illness that causes a high fever. It crops up from time to time in children mostly but isn’t common. It tends to be more severe in adults than in children. Because of its severity and how contagious it is, you will need to be quarantined until you recover. Only people who have previously had the illness are immune to it so they’re the only people with whom you are allowed contact until we’re sure you’re no longer contagious.”

 

“I have to be quarantined? So do I have to stay in the infirmary until I’m healthy again?” I hope the answer is no.

 

“No, the worst of it seems to have passed. With medication to help manage the fever and speed your recovery as well as rest and home care-- including drinking plenty of fluids-- you should recover just fine. You’ll be released and a nurse will check on you once per day. You can go back to your apartment if you like.”

 

“I have roommates and I don’t know if hey have had this illness before.”

 

“They haven’t,” Eric interjects. “I already checked. Harrison has assigned you a vacant apartment for you to use until you’re recovered. I’ve notified your roommates of your illness and they’re going to be examined for signs that they’ve contracted it. Right now, however, they’re packing some clothes and essentials for you for while you’re recovering. I’ll be picking them up for you after I drop you off at the apartment.”

 

“But you can’t be near me.   You’ll get sick if you haven’t already contracted it from being around me.”

 

“I’ve already had it. There was a minor outbreak in Erudite when I was a child.”

 

“Yes, Eric has volunteered to help you back and check on you.” The doctor looks at Eric again. “Like I mentioned earlier, you’ll need to take a few different medications, including a fever reducer that should help you recover a bit quicker and handle some of the more serious symptoms. The directions are on the bottle of each medication. I’ve already given them to your…erm…Eric.”

 

“Is that everything, then?” I would really like this embarrassing exchange to end now.

 

“Pretty much. You should anticipate continuing to have a fever, feeling tired and possibly some nausea. Don’t be surprised if you can’t muster much energy to do tasks you’d normally be able to do. Even simple or light tasks will feel more challenging, energy-wise. You will need to come back in for a follow-up appointment in a week.”

 

After the doctor leaves the room, Eric stands and looks uncomfortable for a moment.

 

“Harrison asked me to watch over you while you’re ill since you don’t have any family here and your friends won’t be allowed near you. Apparently your stubbornness is well known even to him. He’s worried that you won’t willingly go to the doctor yourself if you get worse.”

 

“Harrison is not my father and you’re not my babysitter, Eric.”

 

“I know but he’s the Head Leader of Dauntless and when a highly contagious and dangerous illness strikes a member of our faction, he has the authority to demand things like these as safety measures for everyone.”

 

“But I’m a leader-in-training.”

 

“Tris, in this case, being a leader-in-training only makes it more important to him that he do this. Dauntless can’t afford anything to happen to you, especially right now. He sees this as being for the good of the faction.”

 

I don’t try to stop myself from rolling my eyes. “Of course he does. So what does watching over me mean for you this time?”

 

Eric sighs deeply before he begins speaking. “It means that I get out of my meetings until you’re well so I can stay with you and help you with whatever you need. I have work I can do from your apartment so I won’t fall far behind.”

 

“Of course. I’m sorry you have to do this.”

 

“Don’t worry about it. Come on, let’s get out of here. You can be annoyed at Harrison in your temporary apartment and you’ll probably be more confortable there anyway.”

 

“OK.” I start to shift so I can stand but then I notice I’m only wearing a hospital gown. “Eric, where are my clothes?”

 

“Oh, sorry.” He grabs a stack of folded clothing off a table on the other side of the room. “I forgot about that. Here,” he hands them to me. “I’ll give you some privacy to change.”  
  
Once he’s closed the door behind him I begin changing. I try to do it quickly but my limbs feel heavy. By the time I’ve returned to my normal clothing, I feel tired again. I settle back on the bed and call Eric into the room.

 

“I’m so tired.”

 

“You look tired. We can wait for a while to leave. You can take a nap.”

 

“No, I don’t want to stay here any longer. I can walk back.”

 

I shift to the side of the bed and push myself to my feet. Slowly, I make my way over to where Eric stands holding my jacket. The entire time I’m careful that my face doesn’t betray how tired the effort makes me. When I reach out my hand to take my jacket from his grasp, I have to steel myself for the motion. I try to shrug it on like usual but I know I’m moving at least half the speed I normally would.

 

“Tris, I know you’re tired. Why don’t you take a nap?”

 

“No, I don’t want to be in the infirmary anymore.”

 

“Then let me get a wheelchair for you.”

 

“No, I’m not having anyone in the compound see me in a wheelchair being pushed home. It will make me look weak and people will suspect something is wrong.”

 

“Then let me carry you.”

 

“That’s just as bad as, if not worse than, the wheelchair, Eric. Not only will I look weak but also people will think I need you to take care of me. Just because Harrison insists on treating me like a child doesn’t mean I want anyone else to get that impression.”

 

“People saw me carry you to the infirmary earlier, Tris.”

 

“Well, they don’t need to see you carry me again.”

 

“I have an idea.” Eric turns his back to me and lowers himself so his shoulders are just lower than mine. “Hop on my back.”

 

“What? I’m not doing that. I said that you can’t carry me.”

 

Eric looks over his shoulder at me. “This isn’t carrying you: it’s a piggy back ride. People won’t think anything of it other than that I lost a bet or that we’re joking around. You won’t look weak.”

 

He has a point and I’m tired. “Fine.” I muster my energy to jump on his back. He straightens up and grabs the door handle to open it.

 

“Good thing you’re strong, Eric.”

 

“Yes, this must have been why I spent all that time lifting weights. Though I have to say I think the weights weighed more than you do.”

 

We make our way out of the infirmary and down a hall. A few people pass us with a curious or confused look. When we reach the elevators, Eric asks me to hit the button to call it. It takes some effort to do it without falling but I manage it somehow.

 

The elevator doors open to reveal Ariana standing inside already. She quirks an eyebrow at us as Eric steps in. Gruffly, he asks her to hit the button for the floor to which we’re headed.

 

“Do I want to know what’s going on?” Ariana asks, looking at Eric with her arms folded.

 

“Trust me, you don’t,” Eric replies with feigned irritation. “It’s cringe-inducing for me.”  


“Then I _definitely_ want to know why you’re carrying her like that.”

 

“I made a stupid bet with her. I lost so now I have to carry her on my back for the rest of the day, amongst other things.”

 

“Tris, you seem to have all the luck—many Dauntless women would love to be straddling Eric,” Ariana purrs seductively. I can feel my cheeks reddening instantly.

 

“Ariana, do you even know what you just said?” This time the annoyance in his voice is real. “Why would women want to straddle my back? That doesn’t even make sense.”

 

“That’s not what I—“

 

“For an Ambassador, you seem to say something damning every time you speak. Maybe silence would be a better option for you right now. Harrison is already mad enough at you as is, not to mention Jake.”

 

Ariana’s face falls with disappointment at his words. A ding sounds when the elevator reaches her floor and she exits the elevator without comment.

 

“Wow, that was cold,” I say around a yawn.

 

“She was being an idiotic child. I don’t care if what I said was mean.” The venom in his voice is unmistakable. “Besides, she shouldn’t be addressing two leaders like that.”

 

“She’s probably crushed now. She likes you, you know.”

 

“I don’t care if she likes me. That’s not a reason to speak disrespectfully to faction leaders.”

 

“She was only really being disrespectful to me.”

 

“It doesn’t matter either way.”

 

Silence settles upon us once more. Feeling fatigue weighing heavily on me again, I lean my head down against the back of his left shoulder. This elevator ride seems to be taking forever and I want nothing more than to sleep.

 

“Are you doing alright back there?”

 

I pick my head up slightly. “Yes, just tired.”

 

“We’re almost there, Tris. Just stay awake for a few more moments.”

 

The elevator dings on queue and the doors slide open. As Eric steps out of it and into the hallway, I realize I recognize it.

 

“Isn’t this your floor, Eric?”

 

“Yes. The available apartment is next to mine—it’s a leader apartment. With Max gone, it’s empty now. It will be assigned to you once you’re a leader if you’d like,”

 

“So this is Max’s old apartment?”

 

“No, Harrison took Max’s old apartment. This is Harrison’s old apartment.”

 

“Does Harrison live on this floor, too?”

 

“No, the head leader’s apartment is one floor above us.”

 

I slide off of Eric’s back to stand on the floor when we reach the door. My exhaustion pulls on me, beckoning me to relax on the floor, so instead I lean again the wall by the door as he pulls out a set of keys and unlocks it. As soon as the door is open I walk in. There’s a couch to the right so I make my way over and half-sit and half-lay on it. My eyes slip shut automatically.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

“Tired. Cold.” I don’t bother opening my eyes as I speak.

 

“I’ll go get your things from your apartment. Do you want to go lay down in the bed while I’m gone?”

 

“No, I’ll just stay here for now.” Something drops on top of me and brings with it Eric’s scent and warmth.

 

“Alright, I’ll be right back.”

 

There’s the click of the door shutting followed by silence. I shift so I’m settled into the couch cushions more. Whatever Eric dropped on me shifts and I reach out to touch it. My fingers run over the fabric. The material and scent together make me realize that it’s Eric’s jacket. He must have left it because I said I was cold. I leave it draped over me, burrow under it more and let the world slip away.

 

………

 

“Tris, wake up.” Someone is shaking my shoulder semi-gently.

 

“No.”

 

I try to swat the person’s hand away from me but it doesn’t work. A second hand catches mine and pulls it down to my side.

 

“Come on, Tris. You need to wake up and take your medicine.”

 

A groan slips past my lips. “I don’t want to.”

 

“I know but you need to. Afterwards you can go back to sleep. I promise.”

 

Both hands start tugging on my shoulders, pulling me into a sitting position. I reluctantly open my eyes. I expect needing to squint in bright light but am pleasantly surprised when I realize the lights are turned low. At least that makes this part easier.

 

“How long was I asleep?”

 

“Only a couple hours. I got your things from your apartment and put them away but then Harrison wanted to talk and get a report on you. That took more time than I intended so you’re a bit overdue for your medication.”

 

He hands me three pills and a tall glass of water. I take all of them at once and drink the entire glass, suddenly realizing how thirsty I am.

 

“How was Dad, anyway?”

 

Eric frowns, clearly confused.

 

“I’m talking about Harrison.”

 

Eric smiles momentarily before responding. “He’s fine. He just wanted to know if you had been released from the infirmary and all of that. He’s notifying all of the Ambassadors of your illness so they can be screened at the infirmary. He’s also notifying Abnegation so they can do the same with anyone who came in close contact with you today.”

 

“I guess that Ariana will know that you weren’t carrying me on your back because you lost a bet now.”

 

“True. Do you really care, though?”

 

“Not at this point.” A yawn ends my sentence. “Can I go back to sleep now?”

 

“Sure, but why don’t you move to the bed? You’re going to get sore if you keep sleeping on the couch.” Eric stands and holds his hands out to me to help me up. “Come on, once we get you moved to the bedroom I’ll make some food, too.”

 

I take his hands and let him pull me to my feet in front of him. The quick motion causes me to feel lightheaded and unsteady for a moment. In reflex my hand pulls up to my forehead while my other reaches out into the empty air, attempting to steady me. Eric’s arm swiftly wraps around my waist, gripping me tightly.

 

“Is everything alright?”

 

“Yes. I just got up too fast.”

 

“I’ll show you to the bedroom.”

 

I allow Eric to lead me further into the apartment. The entire time his grip doesn’t move from my waist as we make our way down the hallway. Even though the walk isn’t long, I feel the energy draining from me with every step and halfway down the hall I pause, Eric stopping a moment after me.

 

“Tired?”

 

“Yes. The doctor wasn’t joking when he said that I would find normal things challenging. I just need to rest for a moment.”

 

Eric looks at me silently before suddenly bending down and scooping me up into his arms.

 

“I know you’re mad at me for doing this,” he begins as he walks down the hall. “You’ll just have to forgive me for it later.”

 

He sets me on the bed and then walks over to the dresser and opens a drawer.  


“You seem to be making a habit of carrying me around.”

 

“I told you there had to be a reason why I lifted all those weights for so long.”

 

“What are you looking for?”

 

“Marlene said she packed you shorts and a t-shirt to sleep in.” Eric closes the first drawer and opens another. “It seemed like you might want them since they’d be more comfortable than what you’re currently wearing.”

 

“This is a lot of inconvenience for a lot of people.”

 

“It’s not. Tell the Abnegation part of your brain to be quiet.” Eric answers gruffly before he pulls out some clothes and tosses them to me. “Marlene is terrible at packing, apparently. I told her to pack essentials for you to have while you’re recovering. She and I must have very different definitions of what the word ‘essentials’ means.” He glances over at me before moving toward the door. “I’ll give you some privacy.   Just yell when you’re done changing.”

 

The amount of time that it takes me to change into my sleeping clothes is ridiculous. By the time I’ve changed I’m also exhausted. I think about trying to place today’s clothes over by the dresser but I feel drained enough to decide not to do that; instead, I let myself fall back on the bed pillows and doze lightly.

 

A knock at the door rouses me in time to see it begin to open and Eric quietly walk in, holding a bowl.

 

“Sorry, I fell asleep before I got a chance to let you know you could come back in.”

 

“It’s OK. After about twenty minutes I decided it was most likely safe.” He sets the bowl down on the nightstand. “I made you some soup in case you’re hungry.”

 

I yawn as I try to answer. “Thank you. I feel hungry but I’m also worried I’ll fall asleep in it and drown if I try to eat.”

 

Eric laughs and sits on the edge of the bed. “How about this—you can get situated under the blanket and I’ll stay with you while you eat so I can move the bowl if you do fall asleep. That way you won’t drown.”

 

I don’t fight the smile that creeps on to my lips. I nod and allow Eric to help me reposition so the blanket is covering me. He hands me the bowl once I’m settled and sits back down on the edge of the bed.

 

“You can come sit in the bed with me if you’d like, you know.”

 

“The last time I did that, you freaked out the next morning.”

 

“So the worst has already happened; this can only be better than that. Besides, this time I’m wearing pants so I won’t freak out as much.”

 

We both share a slightly awkward chuckle. In moments like these I can feel a bond forming between us, like a band that is wrapping itself tight and holding us in place near each other. Every now and then it feels like the band is tightening, drawing us closer.

 

“You make a good point, I suppose.”

 

Before climbing into the bed, Eric picks up the clothes that I was wearing earlier and carries them over and drops them in to a bin sitting next to the dresser. He retrieves a few files from the top of the dresser that I hadn’t noticed sitting there before now. When he leans back against the head of the bed next to me, he sets the files on the bedspread next to him instead of opening any.

 

“So Harrison is really releasing you from all of your meetings this week just to stay with me?”

 

“Yes, though I didn’t have that many scheduled anyway since I just got back. Making sure you recover took priority over the ones I did have scheduled, though.”  
  
“You really don’t have to stay here with me. I’m sure I can handle this myself.”

 

“How would you have gotten to bed if I hadn’t have been here?”

 

I know what he’s trying to say and my own pride refuses to let it be heard. I’m tired of people assuming that I’m too weak to do things for myself. Often the gestures are well intentioned but they’re insulting all the same.

 

“I would have sat down in the hall and rested for a while before continuing on, or I would have just stayed on the couch and slept there.”

 

He doesn’t look at me, just laughs and stares at the wall. “You’re so stubborn. This really isn’t about whether you’re strong or weak or brave or cowardly, Tris. It’s just about the fact that you’re sick and need to get better quickly. You know how I said there was an outbreak of this illness when I was a child?”

 

I nod.

 

“My mother got it from me back then and like the doctor said, the effects are much more severe in adults. It took her three weeks to recover from it, which is pretty normal for adults who contract it. During that time she could barely get out of bed without help because of how little energy she had. When she did try to do anything, it made it worse.

 

“Now, I don’t know if you noticed, but we have a meeting with your father in a week about making one of the largest changes to our city that has ever been made. I can’t do the meeting without you so you don’t have three weeks to recover. If I need to stay here and take care of you or carry you everywhere to make sure that you don’t make yourself worse by doing things you shouldn’t and you’re well by the time we’re supposed to meet with him, that’s what I’m going to do. It’s the best thing for my faction and as a leader, that is my job.” Eric looks over at me finally, holding my gaze with his for a long moment.

 

“Did you practice that speech?”

 

“A little bit in my head while I was cooking.”

 

 

I can feel the embarrassment at his attention growing in my chest but given my fever, I doubt he can tell if I’m blushing.

 

“You must know me better than I believed to have already thought this conversation out like that.”

 

“Some things about you are pretty predictable, Tris.”

 

“Oh?” I raise my eyebrows expectantly. “Like what?”

 

Eric huffs out a sigh before answering. “Let’s see, you’ll always be needlessly stubborn about anyone taking care of you or doing anything for you. If someone you care about is in danger, you’ll protect them or take their place. Despite how you try to hide it, you still can’t shake the Abnegation aversion to being touched.”

 

“What makes you think that all of that is true?”

 

“Other than the exchanges we’ve had over the past couple of days and your obvious discomfort and avoidance to letting me help you, your rejection of Four’s attempts to help you gave it away. The knife-throwing incident confirmed for me my suspicions that you would protect the people you care about. The aversion to being touched is so obvious that it’s almost painful. I’m still unsure why I’ve seemed to get away with being so close to you lately.”

 

“Alcohol and fever.”

 

I’m not sure how I expected him to respond, but I wasn’t expecting him to burst out laughing.

 

“It must be. They’re impairing your judgment and making you act out of character.”

 

“Clearly.” A yawn stops me from saying anything else. I can feel my eyelids drooping as fatigue settles over me.

 

Eric takes the now-empty bowl out of my hands. “Why don’t you get some sleep now that you’re safe from the threat of drowning in your soup? I have some things to read so I’ll be right here if you need me.”

 

My eyes snap back to being fully open at his words. “Eric, you really don’t have to feel like you need to stay here with me every moment. I’m just going to sleep so you can go do other things; you don’t need to stay.”

 

I catch his eye roll even though he tries to turn away from me as he does it. “No one is forcing me to stay, Tris. It’s my decision.”

 

“I know but I’m just going to sleep, which will be boring for you. You can go do something else and check on me later.”

 

“Promise me you won’t do anything other than sleep if I’m not here?”

 

Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes. “I promise.”

 

“Good. If you need anything and I’m not here, just knock on the wall—my apartment is on the other side of it and I’ll hear you. It’s the only other place I would be.”

 

“OK.”   I stare at him for several seconds, waiting for him to move—to get up and walk out of the room. “Aren’t you going to leave?”

 

“Not this minute. I’ll wait until you fall asleep first, just in case.”

 

He picks up one of the files and opens it, I assume in order to read its contents. I turn my back to him so I’m lying on my side. It’s harder to do it than I’d imagined—not because of the energy it requires but because I feel a tug in the pit of my stomach to instead curl up against his side and let the scent of him and his steady breathing lull me to sleep. Knowing that can’t happen, I let my eyes slip shut and the full extent of my fatigue take over.


	5. Five

** Five **

_The cracked and crumbling pavement of the road that runs through Abnegation makes me stumble slightly as I walk. My legs hurt from my journey, though I can’t seem to recall how long I’ve been walking or even where I started. Why I’m in Abnegation remains a mystery._

_Everything is quiet; I’m the only person on the street right now. The sky above me is a dark, ominous grey but for some reason it doesn’t seem like it’s going to rain any time soon. Sweat runs down my back and for the first time I notice how warm the air is, how it burns my nose and lungs as I inhale._

_A commotion from my right draws my attention and suddenly one of the houses explodes into flames. I scream in fright and surprise. The house next to it soon catches on fire as well and I look helplessly as the fire continues to travel down the road, consuming each of the houses in turn. The air grows thick with ash and smoke, making it increasingly difficult to breath with every passing moment._

_I race down the road, flinging off my jacket in the heat. My parents’ house is just about to catch on fire. I skid to a stop in front of it just in time to see it burst into flames as well. A strangled scream comes from me. It doesn’t stop even as I run toward the house, desperate to ensure my parents aren’t inside._

_Flames surround me as soon as I’m inside and I can’t see. All I can do is feel the unbearable heat. My body struggles against it uselessly and I feel myself sink to my knees, alternating between screaming and sobbing uncontrollably._

“Is it the right temperature?” A deep voice asks.

“Yes.” The second voice is high and soft but matter-of-fact. “It’s warm enough that she won’t get too cold. Remember that we have to keep her from getting so cold that she shivers.”

“I know.”

“We don’t have much time, Eric. Just put her in fully clothed.”

I try to open my eyes but it takes too much effort so I leave them closed for now. There’s a splashing sound as I feel myself set against something hard that extends both beneath me and behind my back. I feel cool, almost cold, but not quite.

“Tris, come on, wake up.” The deep voice, which must belong to Eric, talks to me as I hear more splashing. “Please open your eyes and look at me, Tris. I need you to look at me.” His words are urgent and desperate and his voice trembles slightly as he speaks.

His tone pulls at me and I muster the energy to try again to open my eyes. I manage them open slightly and take in a very odd scene: I’m sitting, fully clothed, in a bathtub that’s filled about three-quarters of the way with tepid water. Eric kneels on the floor next to it, his shirt partially soaked through with water. A few feet behind him I see a woman in scrubs standing, watching.

“What’s happening? How did I get here?”

I struggle, trying to sit up more. Eric’s arm goes around my shoulders, helping to prop me up.

“Your fever spiked.” The woman in scrubs announces. It takes me a moment to recognize her as Janelle. “We needed to bring it down quickly.”

I’m sure I look confused. I feel confused still. Instead of explaining further, Eric presses a hand to my forehead.

“You feel cooler.” Janelle hands him a thermometer that he runs across my forehead quickly. “The fever has come down to a hundred and one.”

“Tris, we’re going to get you out, into some dry clothes and back to bed now before you get cold,” Janelle tells me as she takes the thermometer from Eric and hands him a towel instead. “Eric, can you help her out? I’ll go find a change of clothes.”

Once Eric stands, he extends his arms out to take my hands. He pulls me to my feet and wraps the towel around me before picking me up. I lean my head against his shoulder as he carries me to the bedroom and sits down in a chair by the bed with me sitting across his lap. Janelle is still searching through the dresser.

“What happened, Eric?” I ask still leaning against him.

“I went to my apartment after you fell asleep and took a nap that lasted longer than I meant it to. I woke up because I heard you screaming. When I came in the room, you were having a nightmare so I tried to wake you but couldn’t. That was when I realized that you were burning up and called the infirmary.”

Janelle walks over to us with a small stack of clothes. After she hands them to me she motions to Eric to follow her. When he stands, he sets me so I’m standing as well.

“We’ll give you some privacy to change. Just let us know when it’s OK to come back in,” Eric remarks quietly before following Janelle out of the room.

I still feel unsteady on my feet so I grip the arm of the chair with one hand as I stand. It takes a bit of negotiating to change my clothes like this but I manage. I don’t want to leave my wet clothing on the floor or chair so I slowly make my way over to the dresser to put them in the bin next to it. My steps are wobbly as I do so but I still manage to make it there. I think about returning to the bed, but I can’t muster the energy; instead, I sit on the floor. I can hear voices talking softly on the other side of the door—it must be Janelle and Eric.

“You’re really worried about her, aren’t you?”

“Janelle, she was screaming and wouldn’t wake up, of course I was worried.”

“I know, but I mean you were _really_ worried about her. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you concerned with someone like that before-- not even your mother. No one would believe me if I tried to tell them.”

“She’s strategically important to repairing relations with Abnegation, Janelle. Harrison assigned me to watch over her because of that. That’s all.”

“You can say that to me as many times as you want but I won’t believe it any more than I have any other time that you’ve said it.” I can hear Janelle chuckle lightly. “It’s OK if you like her; just admit that you do. You’ll feel better if you admit it.”

“Stop it, Janelle. We’re not children anymore and chiding me like that won’t change anything.”

“Which just means you won’t admit it out loud. It’s OK, Eric, you don’t have to.”

A moment of silence follows before there’s a knock at the door.

“Come in.”

I don’t bother to try to stand before they enter. Eric and Janelle both look over at me surprised. At least Eric looks surprised momentarily before he switches to looking annoyed. The fact that I’m gasping to catch my breath still from walking across the room probably isn’t helping.

“Why are you out of bed?” Eric sounds like he did back in the days of my initiation—authoritative with a touch of anger.

“I wasn’t in bed when you left the room, Eric.”

“You know what I mean.”

“As interesting as it would be to try to explain it and pretend that you talking to me like I’m a child isn’t insulting, I would like to go back to sleep.” I yawn at the end of the statement.

“Right. Let’s get you back to bed, then.”

Before I can react, Eric swiftly bends down and picks me up. I glare at him as he carries me across the room. He’s careful to avoid looking at me the entire time. It’s not until he’s set me on the bed and moved the blanket aside for me to slip under it that he even looks at my face.

“You can argue with me later about what just happened. Janelle has to get back to the infirmary.” Eric adjusts the blanket around me as he speaks.

“You’re a very dedicated caregiver, Eric. Consider me impressed,” Janelle remarks with amusement from a few feet away. She looks over at me, ignoring Eric’s look of irritation. “Tris, we were lucky that Eric caught your fever spike in time and we were able to bring it down. I’m recommending that you take the fever reducer every four hours, even if Eric needs to wake you up every four hours to take it. Also, you need to be careful not to make your fever worse by piling on blankets so you’re only allowed one. You might feel cold but piling on more will just make the fever higher.”

“Anything else?”

“I’m recommending that Eric stay with you in case your temperature spikes again. If it happens, he’ll need to call down to the infirmary. Get some sleep and I’ll be back tomorrow night to check in again.” Janelle nods at both Eric and I before leaving the room. After a few moments the sound of the front door of the apartment closing follows.

As soon as I hear it, my eyes snap over to Eric, who is sitting on the edge of the bed facing me.

“Carrying me back here was unnecessary.”

“I could tell you were tired from walking across the room to the door."

“It doesn’t matter.”

“There’s no point to you exerting yourself, especially after what’s happened tonight; you’ll just make yourself worse.”

“I’m fine, Eric.”

“Tris, you’re sick. Your fever spiked so high that I couldn’t get you to wake up. That is the definition of not being fine.” His voice is hard as he speaks but his eyes look more concerned, almost scared.

“Why are you so worried?” I ask it softly and extend a hand out to touch his arm.

“I think it’s completely reasonable to be worried after finding you screaming and unconscious with a fever over a hundred and three, Tris.”

“It’s not like either of us can control it, Eric.”

“Either way, I’m going to do what Janelle recommended and stay here to keep an eye out that it doesn’t happen again. You’re not walking anywhere, either.” When I begin to protest, he puts a hand up to silence me. “You’ll have plenty of time to walk when you’re well. Until you’re significantly better, you’re not walking anywhere. There’s no need to exert yourself and cause your recovery to take longer. This isn’t a negotiation, Tris. This is an order from your leader.”

My eye roll is practically an involuntary reaction at this point.

“Fine, but you know I think this is unnecessary.”

“I know but frankly, I don’t care. Having you healthy by the meeting with Andrew is more important than your pride or whether you think all of this is necessary or not.”

“Then why are we still talking?” I raise my eyebrows at him in question before I roll over on my side so my back is to him.

All I hear is a sigh. The mattress lifts as he stands but I don’t turn to look to see what is happening. After a moment I hear the creaking of the chair by the bed.

…

In the distance I hear a beeping noise. I ignore it and let myself plunge back into full sleep.

“Tris, you need to wake up.” A hand shakes my shoulder gently. Since I’m lying on my back, I try to roll away from it but the hand grips my shoulder tighter. “No, you can’t keep sleeping; it’s time for your fever reducer.”

The bed dips next to my side. I can feel warmth and can smell spice and trees envelop me as an arm slides underneath my shoulders and begins pulling me into a sitting position. I resist fully waking up by leaning my head against the broad shoulder in front of me, my eyes still tightly shut.

Warm breath tingles on my neck as Eric begins to whisper. “I’m sorry, but I promise you can go back to sleep after.”

I slowly force my eyes into a squint and pick my head up to look around. The room is dark save a light on the nightstand that is lit. Next to it sits a glass of water and a stack of file folders that I assume are filled with whatever work Eric has.

“Let’s get this over with.” My voice sounds gravelly and uncommonly low from disuse in sleep.

Eric releases me with one hand to reach for the glass of water and hands it to me along with a couple small pills. I take them as quickly as possible with the water and hand the glass back. I still feel exhausted and simply want to sleep more.

“How are you feeling?” Eric’s voice is still quiet as he asks.

“Exhausted.”

He presses his hand to my forehead, presumably to see if my fever has worsened.  He frowns down at me for a moment.  I’m not sure if I should be worried about why.

“Is my fever worse?”

“I don’t think so but it’s hard to tell.”  

I focus on his eyes as he talks to keep myself from fixating on how my entire body seems to react to his hand sliding down the side of my face, catching a stray lock of my hair and tucking it behind my ear.

He gets up and walks out of the room so I let myself lay back down.  When he returns a minute later he has the thermometer.  He sits down next to me on the bed and leans over to press it to my forehead. It beeps and when he looks at it, he frowns again.

“So?”

“A bit higher but I don’t think it’s enough to worry about. The fever reducer should take care of it.” He sets it on the nightstand and looks back to me. “The best thing for you to do is probably to sleep.”

“How long was I asleep before?”

“Four hours.”

I look over at the clock and notice that it’s midnight now.

“What have you been doing all this time?”

“Some work and a bit of a nap.”

“In that chair?” I point over to the wooden chair next to the bed, which looks uncomfortable.

“Yes.”

I pat the bed next to me. “If you’re going to babysit me like this then you might as well be comfortable.”

He looks like he’s about to protest but I hold up a hand to silence him. I don’t have the energy to have the argument but I feel guilty making him sleep in a chair all night. I know telling him to leave is out of the question but I at least want to ensure that the arrangement isn’t so uncomfortable. He seems to at least acquiesce because he picks up his folders and walks to the other side of the bed, settling back against the headboard.

“You know Tris, if you keep inviting me into your bed like this, I’m going to get the wrong idea.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Eric, I’m not worried about you feeling hopelessly attracted to me. Besides, the first time _you_ invited _me_ into _your_ bed.”

“True, I did.”

My back turns to face him as I roll on to my side and I don’t say anything as I do so. I don’t have to wait long before the rustling of papers lulls me back to sleep.


	6. Six

** Six **

 

A blaring beep infiltrates my consciousness once again. This time, I hear some grumbling and feel the bed shift beneath me for a moment before the beeping stops. There are other noises I can’t identify and it’s only about a minute more before a pair of hands clasps my shoulders and begins shaking me, urging me toward consciousness.

 

“Tris, you need to wake up.”

 

I recognize Eric’s voice, his scent, and even the calluses on his hands, but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel woefully exhausted and don’t want to open my eyes. He doesn’t wait for me to do so and instead pulls me up until I’m sitting, leaning against his shoulder. One arm wraps around my back, his hand softly rubbing circles on my spine. It’s soothing and I let my head fall on to his shoulder, my arms slipping around his torso to steady myself.

 

I hear a click and feel the unwelcome light on my eyes.

 

“Turn that off.”  
  
Eric’s chest vibrates with quiet laughter. “You are surprisingly angry when you wake up.”

 

“Be quiet.” Since he doesn’t seem to be making any effort to turn off the light, I turn my head so I can bury my eyes in the crevice of his neck.

 

His hand slides against my cheek and smooths over my hair. “I’m sorry; I know you’re tired but you have to take your medicine.” His hand slips to my shoulder, pushing it away from his chest. His other hand leaves its place on my back to push my other shoulder back, too. “Come on, Tris.”

 

“No.” I tighten my grip, wanting to return to full sleep. His hands leave my shoulders, wrapping around me again.

 

My mind drifts back to being mostly asleep, only vaguely aware of my surroundings. There only seems to be the subtle rise and fall of his chest as he breathes against me. His hands once again are tracing small circles on my spine. It’s only a second but I think I feel him press his lips against the top of my head. It’s enough to jolt me into being fully awake.

 

“Time to wake up, Tris.” His voice is quiet and deep as if he doesn’t want to startle me.

 

The full reality of the situation suddenly hits me.  If I were any closer, I’d be sitting on his lap. As it is, I’m practically wrapped around him. Immediately I pull away, hoping that my embarrassment is masked in the dim light.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t really understand what was going on; I’m just so tired.”

 

Eric’s eyes search my face and for a moment I worry that he’s going to tell me that he knows I’m lying. He lifts one of his hands up and cups my cheek. I can feel his thumb sliding over it repeatedly, almost hypnotically.

 

“I know you are and that this is a hassle but you can’t afford for your fever to spike again. Just take your medication and you can be back to sleep in less than a minute.”

 

He holds my gaze and in those few seconds I feel like his eyes will bore a hole right through me. I muster all of my energy to nod to him, hoping he understands that I’ll take my medication. Silently, he reaches for a few pills and hands them to me, followed by a glass of water. After I’ve finished both, I look back at him, my eyelids feeling heavy.

 

“See? I told you it would be less than a minute. We can both go back to sleep now.”

 

I lay back down and concentrate on finding sleep again since at the core of my being I feel so desperately exhausted. Sleep, however, seems to elude me right now. In its place is the gnawing thought in the back of my mind of the question that remains unanswered between Eric and me.

 

“Eric?” He hums in acknowledgement of my calling to him. “You promised you’d tell me why you kept asking about Four and why I wasn’t dating anyone. You still haven’t though.”

 

“Are you sure you want to stay awake just to talk about this, Tris?’

 

I turn back to face him. He’s sitting upright, his back against the headboard of the bed and a file open on his lap. He looks down at me and I hold his eyes with mine for a beat before responding.

 

“Yes.”

 

He sighs and flips the folder shut. I don’t think the sigh is out of annoyance, though. He picks the stack of folders up off of his lap and I hear them thud on the floor a moment later. Eric shifts so he’s lying on his side, facing me.

 

“OK, I’ll answer but then you have to tell me why you left my apartment so quickly the other night.”

 

“Fine but you still have to answer my question first.”

 

I don’t want to have that conversation but we agreed to it earlier. Besides, I have a feeling he won’t answer my question unless I agree to answer his. I, however, do still have hope that I can figure out a way to avoid it after he answers.

 

“That’s fine.”

 

“Remember: no lying. Now, Eric, why do you seem so interested in why I’m not dating anyone and why I’m not interested in Four?”

 

“I assumed during initiation that you and Four were dating or at least going to date because it seemed that you liked him. Usually I’m right about those things so I was surprised when I found out you weren’t.”

 

“Eric, I understand that. But why do you care at all whether I’m dating anyone or what I’m looking for in someone?”

 

“Because.” He sighs and pauses for a long time. It’s long enough that I’m debating asking him if he’s going to answer. “I’m genuinely confused why Christina feels the need to set you up when I’m confident that there are plenty of men in Dauntless who would date you. Jake is a good example of at least one that you and I both know. To me the better question to ask is what you’re looking for in someone because it doesn’t matter if someone wants to be with you if they’re not the type of person you want to date.”

 

“But why do you care?” I hold eye contact with him for a moment, focusing on it before I continue. “Stop deflecting by telling me things I already know and answer the question.”

 

Slowly he reaches a hand out and runs it over my hair. The gesture is tender and warm. My eyes slip shut for a moment as I soak in the feeling. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but I feel chills run through me at his touch. When I open my eyes again, Eric is looking at me with an expression I can’t quite read. His hand comes to rest softly on my cheek.

 

“You hated me during initiation. I know all of the initiates did. I guess part of me wonders if you’d be able to see me in a different light now. I asked all of those questions to figure out if it might be possible.”

 

I don’t think I’m imagining that my jaw has dropped open at his confession. It’s not every day that someone more or less tells me that he has feelings for me, especially not someone like Eric. But now, as I think about it, the conversations with Janelle, his insistence at taking care of me, and his bizarre behavior toward Jake, it all makes more sense.

 

“Is that why you’re here right now?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Are you here, taking care of me, just because you want me to see you differently?”

 

“No, not just because of that, though it does factor into it.” Eric shifts, inching closer to me just a bit. “I’m here because you’re sick and you need someone to take care of you right now. I do hope that you’ll consider me in a different way eventually but in order for that to happen, you need to get to know me.”

 

“You want me to see what you’re actually like.”

 

“Something like that.” We spend a few moments just looking at each other in silence, everything completely still. “Now that I’ve answered your question, you still have to answer mine, Tris.”

 

I yawn, hoping that the action will make what I’m about to say more compelling.

 

“I’m really tired, Eric. Is there any way that this can wait until the next time you wake me up?”

 

He smiles mischievously at me for a moment. “You’re such a terrible liar. You just want to avoid the question.”

 

I shrug at him. “Well, it was worth a shot.”

 

Eric adjusts again and now we’re a couple more inches closer to each other.

 

“Tris, why did you run out of my apartment the other night?”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Tris.”

 

“Don’t use your leader tone with me.”

 

I swear he growls a little under his breath. “Tris, I answered your question now answer mine.”

 

“I left because I was embarrassed.”

 

“But _why_ were you embarrassed?”

 

I look down at my hands as I begin. “I kissed your cheek on an impulse. I didn’t really know why and you’re one of the leaders and I have to work with you.”

 

“Was that really it?”

 

“Yes.” I drag my eyes back up to meet his.

 

“You’re a terrible liar, Tris.” I raise an eyebrow at him, challenging how confident he is in his assessment. His eyes remain fixed on mine, “you’re chewing on your cheek.”

 

“Were you secretly Candor?”

 

He laughs quietly at me. “No, I’m just very observant and you’re a really terrible liar. Anyone could tell you’re lying because it’s so obvious. So why don’t you tell me the truth?”

 

My eyes drop down to study my hands and consider what I should say. I can’t force them back up to look at his. To lie again would just mean that I would be caught in the midst of it. There likely is no escape from the truth at this point but I can’t figure out how to explain it out loud. Instead I feel myself start shivering—the room feels cold. My eyes slip closed while I try to sort through the right words to explain the situation to him and simultaneously ignore the chill that I feel.

 

His hand presses against my forehead; it’s a feeling that I am becoming used to now. I expect him to ask me how I’m feeling or comment on my temperature. Instead, however, the mattress shifts and dips. His arms slide around my sides, one edging its way between the mattress and myself, and his chest presses against me, my cheek coming to rest just below his collarbone.

 

“Won’t this make my fever worse?” I know that’s not what he wants me to be saying to him right now but it’s what jumps into my mind.

 

“Janelle told me that if you start shivering, it will make the fever worse because your body will increase its temperature in response.”

 

“Well, Janelle does know what’s best in this case.”

 

“She does. But that doesn’t change the fact that you still haven’t told me the truth.”

 

Even though at this proximity I physically can’t make eye contact with Eric without a good amount of effort, I still turn so I’m facing into his shoulder. This way I can hide my embarrassment from the rest of the world. The feeling of him running his fingers lightly through my hair comforts me as I settle in to breathing his scent and listening to his even breaths.

 

“You left because you were scared, didn’t you?”

 

“Maybe.” Not being able to simply answer ‘yes’ and admit my own cowardice feels like an act of cowardice in and of itself.

 

“I…Tris, I know coming from Abnegation you still get nervous or uncomfortable with some touching, even though you don’t seem to have as much of a problem with it all the time. But I didn’t do anything to scare you that night, did I?”

 

I shake my head against him. For a moment all he does in response is tighten his arms around me, pulling me just a bit closer. I can hear him breath in sharply a couple times as if he’s about to speak but then stops. Guilt at my own silence and any anxiety it’s causing him as a result gnaws at me.

 

“It wasn’t anything you did, Eric. It was me.”

 

“You said the kiss was an impulse. Did you leave because you felt like the action wasn’t under your control?” I nod, squeezing my eyes shut tighter. “Tris, I don’t want to sound pushy but could you please look at me?”

 

Reluctantly, I pull back so we are looking at each other. His eyes are pleading when I look in to them. There’s something else in there, too, though: hopefulness.

 

“I know that it’s hard but can you talk to me about this?”

 

“I think you pretty much covered it.”  


The hand that was in my hair slides along my arm until it comes to a stop on top of my hand, which now rests on his shoulder though I don’t remember putting it there. Instead of leaving his hand covering mine, his fingers curl around it until I feel them press against my palm. For a moment my eyes are transfixed on our hands, wondering at the touch and its growing familiarity. I pull my eyes up to his, hoping I’m hiding the questions that are surfacing in my mind.

 

“Can you explain it to me a bit?”

 

“I don’t know how.”

 

“Can you try?”

 

I sigh heavily as I try to collect my thoughts. I’d rather walk through my fear landscape again than have to say any of this but maybe this is one of the ordinary acts of bravery that we talk about in our manifesto. _Be brave, Tris._

 

“I was scared and embarrassed over what I did and the fact that it was something that happened almost before I realized it. I didn’t want to face you or have you ask about it so I left. It was cowardly to leave and to avoid talking about this but I didn’t want to have to explain to you that I had momentarily seemed to lose control and that it wasn’t the first time.”

 

“It wasn’t?”

 

I shake my head. I know he’s going to want me to explain that but I wait for him to ask.

 

“When were the other times?” His voice is barely even a whisper and for the first time I allow myself to consider that maybe he’s just as nervous about this conversation as I am.

 

“It seems like almost every time I’m around you I find myself doing something without really realizing that I’m doing it. It’s as if my brain doesn’t have full control over the rest of me when you’re there. It makes me nervous.”

 

“Are you nervous to be around me?”

 

“Yes but I’m not scared of you-- I’m scared of me.”

 

“You don’t need to be scared of either of us, Tris.” He shifts his weight and for a moment I think he’s going to pull me back to his chest. Instead, he moves until we’re eye-to-eye. “I’d never let you get hurt by anyone, including you or I.”

 

It’s such a strange sentiment to hear from him—the idea that he’d protect me doesn’t match with what I’ve known of Eric for the past months. Then again, much of what I’ve experienced with Eric and learned about him in the past couple of days doesn’t match that either. Increasingly, I am finding that his true nature is something very different than what I had thought during initiation. That idea makes me a bit bolder in what I’m about to do.

 

“I know. Apparently you’ve been ensuring my safety even when I didn’t know you were.” I allow myself to edge slightly closer to him, our breaths mingling together as I do so. There’s only about an inch and a half between the tips of our noses now. “I don’t want to be scared of either of us anymore.”

 

He stares at me for a moment and it’s as if I can actually see the wheels in his mind turning as he considers our proximity to each other.   I know he must be surprised. I don’t envy the position in which I’ve put him right now.

 

“Can I kiss you?” His whisper sounds like something between a question and a prayer. My voice has fled from my conscious body so instead I simply nod.

 

It’s quick and so soft that I probably would have missed it if I didn’t know that it was coming, but his lips still brush against mine.

 

It’s only a few moments that the kiss lasts but its effect on me continues even after I feel Eric’s lips pull away from mine. My sense of loss is immediate and I find myself pressing myself to him further, seeking to regain the tender moment that just occurred. In response, I can feel Eric’s arms tighten around me and he leans his forehead against mine.

 

“If I’m being completely honest, I have to tell you that I’ve wanted to do that for a while now.” He laughs nervously at the end of his statement.

 

I’m not sure exactly how it happens but a moment later my lips meet his. Deep in my stomach I feel an urgency surging up, mingled with a desire that I don’t know how to satiate. I give in to both feelings, letting them guide me. When Eric’s tongue brushes my bottom lip, I relax and allow mine to part. Even though I still feel the familiar twinge of nervousness, the feelings of longing and urgency override it.

 

I think it’s Eric who pulls away because the separation is unwanted by me. I begin to lean forward, to close the distance and rid myself of this feeling of loss, but Eric moves so he can kiss my forehead instead.

 

“Every part of me wants to continue kissing you but I don’t want a repeat of the other night.”

 

As much as I’d like to protest, I can see and understand his point. It’s the middle of the night and perhaps with some time and sleep I might see things differently.

 

“I also don’t want you to get any worse so I should let you sleep.”

 

“You don’t want to talk about what just happened?” My voice cracks embarrassingly at the end of my sentence.

 

Eric’s hand strokes my cheek soothingly. “We can talk about it as much as you want later today. We should both get some sleep right now, though.” I don’t want this to keep you from recovering.”

 

My nod is mechanical because I know his reasoning is sound but I’m still disappointed and I can’t identify why. He begins to pull away but my hand shoots out to grab his shirt front in protest. He looks at me with surprise and his mouth opens to say something. He must reconsider because he closes his mouth after a moment and settles back where he was without comment.

 

“Good night, Eric.” My eyes slip shut and I yawn deeply.

 

“Good night, Tris.”


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're also following on FF, this chapter was posted there a while ago. My apologies; I completely forgot to post the update here as well 3

Seven 

And we fall into this pattern: sleep for four hours, wake up for food and my medication, go back to sleep. We never explicitly agree on it out loud but Eric sleeps next to me each night and perches next to me on the bed reading through files taking notes during the day. When my fever spikes again, I find him with a worried look on his face, shaking me awake from the same terrible nightmare as before. He assures me that it’s not bad enough for Janelle to need to come check on me but I still end up in a tub of tepid water, fully clothed, rolling my eyes at him as he scurries about to find a towel for me. Fortunately, that’s the last time it happens.

Even though we had said we’d talk about the kiss, the next day comes and goes without its mention. I’m not sure whether Eric is waiting for me to raise the topic or not but I don’t, and the opportunity seems to pass and grow further and further away each moment. As much as I want to ask my questions and have clarity, every minute that passes makes it harder for me to imagine how I would raise the topic.

We continue like this until I find myself staying awake for longer stints of time. While I still don’t feel like I have enough energy to resume much of my daily routine, not passing out almost immediately after I wake up is still a significant improvement from what I’m used to. The new energy is enough to make me restless; I immediately begin petitioning Eric to be able to walk about the apartment, at least.

“Absolutely not. You’ll exert yourself too much.”

“Eric, I’m doing a lot better and my fever is under control now! Clearly I’m progressing better than you thought I would so it has to be OK for me to at least be able to walk around a bit.”

“No. You’re only getting better so quickly because I won’t let you exert yourself. If you start doing it now, you’ll just undo all of the progress we’ve made.”

“I’m bored, Eric. I’m tired of only seeing the bedroom every day all day. Besides, the meeting with my father is in just over three days. I’m going to have to be able to walk by then anyway.”

Our argument continues off and on through the morning hours. I switch tactics and instead of asking to walk about the apartment, I begin negotiating being able to lay on the couch in the living room. It takes quite a bit of lobbying him but he finally caves.

“But you’re not walking there. I’ll carry you out and if you need anything, I’ll get it for you. No arguments.”

“I’m sure I can walk to the couch on my own.”

“You can barely walk to the bathroom without help.”

“How would either of us know? You won’t even let me try.”

“It doesn’t matter; this isn’t a negotiation. Either I carry you there or you stay here. That’s my only offer.”

“Ugh, fine. It’s a deal. Eventually, though, I’m going to have to be able to walk without you helping me and you’re going to have to let me.”

“I know and you will as soon as you’re well enough to try. That isn’t today, however.”

Eric glares at me for a moment but then his features soften and he stands and walks over to my side of the bed, stretching his arms out in preparation of picking me up.

“Come on, let’s go before I change my mind.”   
“You won’t.” My smile feels as though it’s stretching my face to new proportions at the prospect of finally being able to be out of this room, even for a little while. I wrap my arms around Eric’s neck as his arms slip behind my back and under my knees.

“The things I do for you.” It’s a mumble interlaced with a forced huff as he lifts me.

“They’re mostly your ideas, you know. I don’t remember asking you to stay and take care of me all this time. You came up with that on your own. I would have figured it out fine without you.”

“It’s in the faction’s best interest for you to get better quickly and in time for our meeting with Andrew.”

“Then none of these things are done for me— you’re doing the for the faction.”   
“No, indulging your want to sit on the couch is for you. Besides, I told you I’d be here anyway.”

I notice a light pink hue begin to creep up his cheeks from his jaw line. now would be the best opening to bring up the other night and I know it. My mind begins screaming at me to say something— to make a comment that will keep this window open for us to broach the topic I want so desperately to have answers on. My tongue, however, sits dumb and lifeless in my mouth, refusing to produce any words that would help this along.

Gingerly, Eric sets me on the couch and arranges a pillow and blanket for me. All the while he tuts over me in a fashion reminiscent of my mother whenever Ib became ill as a child. I feel as helpless as a child right now. It irritates me beyond what I’ve experienced before and I feel myself snap.

“I don’t need you to tuck me in. I can still do some things for myself.” My voice is sharper than I mean for it to be. 

Eric freezes momentarily and looks up at me. His mouth opens and closes, looking as if words are stuck in his throat. He simply nods at me before straightening up and walking to the kitchen. I hear him shuffling around, pots and dishes clashing against each other and water running in the sink. I look over in his direction to see him filling a glass from the tap. Before I can ask what he’s doing or clarify that I didn’t mean to sound so upset before, he’s heading back in the direction of the couch on which I sit.

“If you want, I can bring you some books from my apartment for you to read. It will at least give you something to do other than just sit here.” His eyes avoid mine as he talks, instead focusing on the glass of water he sets on the table by the couch.

“That would be nice. Thank you.” My voice is purposefully soft— hopefully enough so that he can recognize the apology that lies in it.

There’s no response from him as he turns and exits the apartment in a hurry via the front door, which stands directly across from where I sit. In his haste he haphazardly pulls the door partially closed behind him so I can hear the faint sounds of music and laughter from down the hall. For the first time I wonder about the other occupants of this floor; my future neighbors. Obviously I knew Eric would be my neighbor but it occurs to me that I have no idea who else lies on this floor. Eventually, when I’m inducted as a Leader, I’ll find out.

The music seems to be something upbeat; similar to the kind I’ve heard playing at parties Lauren or Zeke host regularly and Christina forces me to attend. Given that it’s the late morning it seems odd for it to be playing now. There are still thins that surprise me about my faction— like the idea that there would be people having a party midday.

“I wasn’t sure what you’d want to read so I brought an eclectic selection for you.” The door squeaks slightly as he pushes it open wider with his shoulder, his gaze focused on the books in his hands.

“I’m sure something in there will work.”

When he looks up at me I try to smile softly but his eyes just drop back to his hands as he fumbles to give me each book in turn. I set each one on my lap thoughtfully once I read the title. I’ve never held this many books at once outside of school, nor have I known someone who could lay claim to so many. Naturally, it’s now a former Erudite who has them, in Dauntless no less. A smile spreads across my lips as I realize it’s a divergent Erudite who would have so many in Dauntless.

“What’s the smile for?”

“Oh, I just realized that I’ve never known someone before now who had so many books. It shouldn’t surprise me that you were Erudite or that you have an Erudite aptitude.”

“This isn’t all of them.” He finally sits down next to me on the couch, leaning into its cushion with his arm draped along the back of it. “My current library, however, couldn’t hold a candle to the one I had as a child growing up or the one my parents had. It’s probably grown exponentially since I left; my father never could resist another good book. Of course, i couldn’t risk having too large of a collection here without raising suspicion. I confined it to only the volumes I most enjoyed or felt I couldn’t or shouldn’t live without.”

“How did you get them without anyone— without Jeanine— finding out?”   
“It has been one of the perks of knowing and working with your mother.”

“My mother?” My eyes almost bulge out of my head as I say the words, trying desperately to understand what Eric is telling me— what? That my mother, along with somehow helping people escape, also smuggled goods into factions?

“She always to me has seemed like someone who couldn’t help but want to aid others in finding happiness or satisfaction in their lives. it must have been one of the things that led her to Abnegation and made her a good member. As someone who aided and protected Divergents, that tendency kept the rest of us sane often. The first time she met me she asked me about my favorite subjects and books. Every time I’d see her she would have one or two books for me. After initiation I would find one in my apartment or office, hidden from view of anyone who would just be passing by. I always knew they were from her, even though the ones that were left had no note. I’d return them to her once I finished reading each one, explaining to her that I couldn’t keep them despite her insistence. I couldn’t take the risk. Eventually she convinced me to keep my favorites. She was like that with all of us.”

“What do you mean, ‘all of us’?”

“All of the Divergent smugglers in the factions. There were multiple in each. All of us were committed to ensuring Jeanine didn’t capture divergents in our factions. Most of the time we were successful.”

“Most of the time?”

“We weren’t always able to stay ahead of her— her Divergent Hunters sometimes got the best of us. As often as possible we’d fake the deaths of her targets when we found out a Divergent Hunter had caught on about them, but we couldn’t make it in time always.”

“But weren’t you the Divergent Hunters, too?” You said you were one.”

“I was. Not all of the Divergent Hunters were also smugglers— many weren’t. Just happened to work my way int oJeanine’s inner circle as well as your mother’s so I was able to protect people. Many of the smugglers weren’t hunters and ran the risk of being discovered and killed.”

“You did, too.”

“Of course, but since Jeanine trusted me my risk was lower. She trusted me enough that I knew who every one of her Divergent Hunters were as well as every suspected divergent in the city. Not to mention the list of people she suspected of being sympathetic to the divergent and possibly even helping them. Having that information made what Natalie and the rest of us did more successful. Having Jeanine’s trust made my position safer than ever; she’d never suspect anything of me. I was a divergent hiding in her plain sight.”

“Did she suspect my mother?”

“Of what?”

“Anytthing.”

“Of course— she suspected Natalie of everything. She always suspected that Natalie was divergent— apparently had her entire life— but then quickly included that she thought Natalie was helping divergents. She just could never quite figure out how, so it left Jeanine in a bit of a tailspin for a long time. Then she decided she must be hiding them in Abnegation— finding them during the aptitude tests and convincing them to transfer there. I could never shake the feeling that Jeanine just didn’t like your mother.”

“What makes you say that?”

“The fact that Jeanine said she suspected Natalie’s divergence since school was itself odd. Your mother had come from Dauntless. Why would Jeanine know her unless they had run into each other in school and something happened? Erudite and Dauntless don’t really have reason to interact at that age.”

“My father came from Erudite.”

“That’s right; I forgot.” Eric suddenly waggles his eyebrows at me, “maybe they both liked the same boy.” I make a disturbed face in response to his comment. “And clearly one of them won over the other.”

“Ugh, I don’t want to think about that. Those are my parents you’re talking about.” I push my thoughts in a different direction, trying to focus on choosing a book again.

“She was really proud of you when I told her you were going to rank first, you know.” My eyes tick up to meet his. “And when you went to warn them about the attack and were part of stopping it, they were both proud of you. She told me.”

“No one ever told me that.”

“I know. She made me promise to tell you if the attack went through and she didn’t make it. I know she’ll tell you herself eventually, when she gets to see you again.”

Dampness threatens at the corners of my eyes. The image of my mother speaking those words— giving voice to such dark thoughts— is one of the saddest things I could have ever imagined. The idea that I could very well have lost her at Jeanine’s hands, really at the hands of my faction and friends, sickens me as much as it saddens me. More than either of those, however, it angers me again just as it did the day I found out about the plan; the day Tobias revealed it to me.

“Janelle said she’d stop by at lunch to check on you. She’s hopeful that you might not be contagious anymore.” I’m thankful for his abrupt change in subject.

“Great. Then I can actually leave this apartment finally.”

“Even if you’re no longer contagious, that won’t necessarily mean you’re well enough to wander around the faction. You can’t even wander around this room.”

“Because you won’t let me.”   
“Because you need to rest more and not exert yourself unnecessarily. It won’t be long before you’re better and back to normal.” He lifts his hand and uses it to brush a strand of hair out of my face. The action is so tender that it practically makes my heart ache.

Now. Now must be the time for me to bring it up but I still don’t know how.

“It will be strange to no longer be trapped in here. I won’t know what to do with myself.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out.” He continues to carefully brush locks of my hair behind my ear as he talks. “And the leader-in-training program will give you plenty to keep busy.”

“I guess then I’ll still see you as much as I do now, at least.”

“Of course— Harrison wasn’t joking when he said that we’d spend practically every waking moment together while you’re in training.”

His response isn’t exactly the enthusiastic confirmation of his feelings for me that I was hoping for. Maybe I was mistaken in thinking that our kiss and our conversation that night meant as much to him as they both did to me. Even if that is the case, however, I must remember that Eric is my mentor and my fellow leader soon. My feelings must be pushed aside if necessary. There is no sense in jeopardizing everything I’ve worked for over some silly crush that clearly only means something to me right now. In time I’m sure it will pass and I’ll be glad to have saved myself from certain mortification.

“With everything happening between Abnegation and the other factions, it will be busy. I just hope I’m well enough that we don’t have push back our meeting with my father or with the other Abnegation leaders.”

We lock eyes for a few moments that seem to drag on forever. Eric’s gaze holds questions, most likely at my change in tone. I ignore them, instead focusing anew on the books that still lie on my lap, my decision of which to read having never been made. After sifting back through them I select one and open it carefully to begin reading. All the while Eric sits in silence.

For the next half hour we continue in the deafening quiet. I try to block his presence from my mind but constantly fail at doing so, becoming so distracted that I find myself reading each page multiple times in order to actually absorb their words. Eric doesn’t waste and time selecting his own book and beginning to read. This is how Janelle finds us when she knocks on and then opens the door: silently reading and pretending to ignore each other.

“Wow, this is an odd sight.” Janelle smiles as she approaches us at our shared perch.

“Hi Janelle,” Eric quickly rises and pulls her into a hug. “How’s the infirmary today?”

“Slow, which is fine with me. It means I can spend some time here for a bit.”

Eric glances back and forth between her and I a few times before speaking.

“that actually works well. i have a few things I need to take care of for Harrison. Maybe you could stay for a bit in case Tris needs anything while I’m gone?”

“Seriously, I’m right here— you don’t need to talk about me like I’m not.” I’m trying but failing to contain my anger at Eric as I speak. “Besides, I’m not a child. Don’t speak of me as though I need a babysitter. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

Janelle glances over at Eric quickly and I think I see a hint of a smirk on her face as she does so.

“I’m not having anything to do with this conversation; this is between the two of you . I’m going to go freshen up in the bathroom while you figure this out.”

Eric’s expression softens when his eyes flick up to mine. He almost sheepishly shoves his hands into his pockets as Janelle leaves the room. Once it’s only the two of us again, Eric crosses to the couch, sitting next to me— much closer than he had been before. One arm reaches out, wrapping around the back of the couch behind me and the other reaching toward me so he can play with the ends of my hair as he speaks.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Tris,” the tenderness in his voice catches me off guard. “I just want to make sure you have everything you need. I’d rather stay with you myself but I do need to go take care of a few things. You don’t need a babysitter but you are stubborn to a fault and I can imagine you trying to do things that will just make you feel worse.”

“You make me sound like a child throwing a tantrum.”

“That’s not how I think of you. You’re brave and you can take care of yourself but right now you’re still not recovered completely so there’s nothing wrong with you accepting help. I’m sorry that I probably seem like I’m forcing it on you, I just want to be helpful and I worry about you.”

“I just don’t need someone who wants to treat me like a child.”

“I know. I”m sorry— I don’t want to treat you that way or for you to think that’s how I think of you.” He leans forward then and presses a kiss to my cheek, much to my surprise.

“You’re so confusing.” I mean to only think it but then realize I’ve whispered the words once it’s too late.

Fortunately, Eric chuckles.

“How so?”

“How you act is just very…inconsistent.”

“I’m sure it is. We can talk about that later if you want.” He stands back up, much to my dismay. “Are you OK with Janelle staying with you?”

“Sure.”

Janelle walks back in right after that and Eric makes his way to the door. I don’t know what I was expecting him to do but it wasn’t for him to practically run from me once another person entered the room. Maybe it’s just because they’ve been friends for so long so he feels awkward.

“Watching the two of you certainly is good entertainment.”

“What do you mean?”

Janelle waves me off and begins her daily check up. After about twenty minutes of poking and prodding and answering countless questions about my symptoms, she finally makes up her mind. My spirit automatically brightens when she pronounces me no longer contagious.

I begin mining her for information about when it’s safe for me to walk around without setting back my recovery. At first she dodges the question but finally she relents.

“You need to start very gradually with your physical exertion or else you’ll just undo all of your progress. So short stints across the room, etc. I would say that you should have someone with you if you walk any further than that, like out of the apartment. But the key part is that you listen to your body: stop and rest if you start to feel tired. Let someone else help you when necessary.”

“Well, I doubt that Eric is going to agree to walk outside the apartment with me since he won’t even let me walk two feet in the apartment.”

“I’ll talk to him, let him know that you’re clear for limited, light activity. Until the doctor clears you in a few days, though, you can’t do anything more than that and you certainly can’t do anything unsupervised just in case. If you can’t agree to that, then I won’t talk to Eric.”

“That’s a deal I’m fine with making— I’ll take it easy and won’t try wandering around unsupervised. Thank you for agreeing to talk to him, though. He listens to you.”

“He listens to you, too. He just worries a lot; he cares about you.”

While she means to be comforting— reassuring even— I feel annoyed and just huff in response. Between Eric’s insistence on being overly protective about my health and the lack of clarity about the other night, my mind is getting tired of trying to process my interactions with him. It feels more complicated than it should be.

I’m pulled from my troubled musings by a knock at the door. It can’t be Eric; he’d just walk in since he knows the door is unlocked. On the other hand, I can’t imagine who it would be since I’m not expecting anyone and none of my friends know that I’m now safe to be around. Besides, it would probably be best to clean the apartment for any contagions before anyone else entered it, just in case.

Janelle looks as confused as I feel. She looks at me questioningly so I motion for her to open the door. When she answers it, I catch a glimpse of a mop of shaggy hair that loosely curls and can only belong to one person: Jake.

“Hi Janelle, I was looking for Tris. Harrison said that she was staying here for the week.”

“She is. Come in.” She steps to the side so he can enter the apartment.

His grin widens when he sees me sitting on the couch, my blanket tucked around my legs that are strewn across the cushions, a book in my lap.

“There’s my favorite new member!”

“I think you say that to everyone.”

“Nope, just you because you’re my favorite.”

He slides his jacket off and slings it over the back of one of the chairs that sits by the dining table. He and Janelle exchange a glance before she starts looking uncomfortable. She locks eyes with me for a moment before she picks up her bag of medical supplies from the table.

“Tris, it seems like you’ll be OK here with Jake until Eric gets back so I’m going to get going. Give me a call if you need anything but you should be fine from here on out since the fever has broken and you’re not contagious. Remember what I said about physical exertion. I’ll be sure to talk to Eric like I said I would.”

She gives me a small wave and a smirk before she exits the apartment. Suddenly I can’t help but feel a bit betrayed by her. With her gone, however, I turn my attention back to Jake, who has pulled a chair up by the couch and sits, relaxed and watching me intently.

“I’m in quarantine, you know.”

“I know but I had the fever when I was child, like Eric did, so I’m fine. Besides, Janelle just said that you’re not contagious anymore so I’d be fine regardless.”

“But you didn’t know I wasn’t contagious when you walked in.”

Jake gives a careless shrug. “But I’m immune so it doesn’t matter. And I would gladly risk it to come see you.” He grins at me again but this time it seems less like a forced attempt at impressing me.

“Do your lines ever work on anyone?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about; I don’t have ‘lines’.”

“So this is just how you always act.”

“Around people I want to get to know more, yes.”

“So like I asked, do your lines ever work on anyone?”

“Tris, I’m wounded. Here I am, trying to spread some neighborly cheer, and you’re rebuffing me without even giving me a chance. That’s certainly not friendly.” He feigns a sad expression until I roll my eyes at him.

“Since when were we neighbors?”

“Since you started sleeping in an apartment down the hall from me.”

Recognition strikes me just then. “You were the one playing music earlier.”

“Guilty as charged.” To his credit he actually looks slightly sheepish about it, even though I can’t imagine why.

“Do you always throw parties in the middle of the day?”

“No, but it’s Saturday so generally people are more lax.”

I feel a little silly since I hadn’t even really registered what day of the week it was.

“Yeah, I guess the rules are a bit different then. So why did you decide to drop by?”

“Like I said, I wanted to spread some neighborly cheer.”

“Why did you really stop by?”

Jake huffs at my question, glancing about the mostly-empty room and running a hand through his shaggy locks. 

“I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. I haven’t seen you since the meeting and I heard from Harrison that you were sick when he came to make sure the Ambassadors knew to be screened for symptoms in case we contracted it. He also told me that you were staying with Eric and I figured that maybe you could use someone else to talk to for a change.”

“That’s oddly…” my brows furrow, trying to think of what to say, “thoughtful of you.”

“I don’t think you know me well enough, Tris, to be able to say that it’s abnormal for me to be thoughtful.”

My embarrassment probably shows on my face since he’s right: my comment was unwarranted and judgmental. 

“I’m sorry; you’re right. But it is thoughtful of you to come by. I’m doing just fine, though, as you can tell. I am on track to be well for the upcoming meetings and Eric has been good company.”

“Mmmm,” Jake just hums as he squints at me, seeming to evaluate my reaction, “you’re one of the few people who has ever described Eric as good company. That’s interesting.”

“Why is that interesting?”

“No reason. I did have another purpose for coming by, though.”

“What’s that?”

“I want to spend more time with you; have us get to know each other. I know this isn’t ideal but you must be bored out of your mind and I’m just down the hall so maybe you could come over or I’m happy to come here. I don’t really have a preference about where or when; I’d just like to see you.”

“Ah, yes, I’m your new friend. I forgot.”

His eyes drop to the floor while he scratches at the back of his neck with one hand. The action is endearing and manages to accentuate the muscles in his arms and shoulders as they flex under his shirt that clings to his form.

“Yes, you are my new friend, but I was thinking about it a bit differently than that.”

It takes me a few moments before I put together what he’s hinting. When I do finally, I feel naive that I didn’t figure it out a bit earlier. Harrison and Eric’s comments about how Jake has a track record of seducing new members plays through my mind but even more than that, so does Eric’s face.

“Jake, I’m kind of seeing someone or starting to see someone or…”

Before I can stumble my way through whatever explanation I was going to figure out about what exactly is going on with Eric, the very person walks through the door.

“Tris, I don’t know how you convinced Janelle to leave but—“ his voice trails off as his eyes pass over me and then Jake. His shoulders immediately tense at the sight. “Sorry, I didn’t realize that you and I were supposed to meet today, Jake.” 

“Uh, we weren’t.” Jake holds Eric’s gaze for a few beats before looking back at me. Something that seems like understanding flashes across his eyes. “Right, I was just stopping in to see how Tris was doing since Harrison told all of us that she’s been sick. I wanted to see if she thought we’d have to push back any of the meetings coming up since she’s crucial to the work we’re doing with Abnegation. Seems like since you’re taking good care of her, I didn’t have a reason to worry.” He rises from his chair. “Since I found out what I was looking for, I’m going to get going.” He turns and locks eyes with me again, “Tris, if anything changes, you can always give me a call.”

“Will do.” My voice comes out barely above a whisper laced with guilt and some embarrassment. I know what he’s really telling me and that he’s pieced together what I was so poorly explaining without really explaining.

Once Jake retrieves his jacket and leaves, Eric just stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, avoiding eye contact. He alternates between being really interested in his shoes and being fascinated by the blank walls. My mind is equally as blank as the walls so we sit in silence for a while. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind if someone doesn’t say something so I blurt the first thing that comes into my mind.

“How was Harrison?”

“Fine. He just had a couple things that he needed to know. How was Janelle?”

“Good. She told me that I’m not contagious anymore. I can start resuming some activity as long as I take it easy. She even said that I can go outside of the apartment with supervision in case I get too tired.”

Eric nods but I can tell by his expression that he’s not fully listening; his mind is far away and thinking about something entirely different.

“Good thing she came by then. How was Jake?” His jaw clenches at the end of his question. I recognize his look as the one of annoyance he would have during initiation when one of us did something that he thought was idiotic. It’s not exactly a secret that he doesn’t like Jake so Eric finding him in the middle of the apartment must have irritated him.

“He was fine.” I shrug at him, “he was barely here for more than a few minutes after Janelle left. He just wanted to see how I was doing and ask about the Abnegation meeting.”

“Yeah, I heard.”

The uncomfortable silence settles over the room again. I want it to go away so we can continue our conversation from earlier. It’s clear, however, that Eric isn’t going to be the one to end this silent stalemate.

“So, uh, you know how I said earlier that you act inconsistently?” Eric glances up at me at that. “This awkward silence stuff isn’t helping.”   
There’s only a knowing nod and a deep exhale from him before he crosses the room and sits down on the other end of the couch. He runs his hands through his hair as though he’s frustrated with something. For the first time I think that maybe I’m the frustrating thing.

“While I was gone I thought about that.” My stomach drops at his serious tone. “Harrison and I were talking about all of the work that we have with trying to restructure the government and continuing to avert a civil war. We’re all going to be fully occupied with that and I usually barely have any time with my regular duties for anything, much less with this going on and training you. On top of that, there’s what the faction will say and dealing with that.”

“Eric, what are you saying?”

“I know it hasn’t been really clear about what’s going on with you and I; that’s entirely my fault. I don’t want you to think there’s something possible that isn’t. You’re a leader-in-training and I’m your mentor, and we both have to lead this faction— that has to be our top priority. It’d be best if we keep this simple, uncomplicated, casual, and that we keep it to ourselves.”

“What does that mean?”

“It’s better that people don’t know about it. So that would mean that we wouldn’t just be limited to each other.”

My heart drops at that. Not only does he not want an actual relationship but he wants to hide any feelings we have or anything that happens between us so he can see other people. It’s not a secret that Eric has had several casual relationships with women— often several at once— so why would it be any different this time? What, because he told me once at a party that he doesn’t want to be alone forever? Because he told me one night while I had a fever that he had wanted to kiss me for a while?

“Oh, I hadn’t really thought about all of that,” I respond lamely.

“This is all that can happen, Tris, unless that’s not what you want.”

“Right. No, that makes sense. I’ll have to think about it.”

Eric nods at me, his eyes trained on the floor as he does.

“Since Janelle gave you the go ahead for moving around on your own in the apartment, I’m going to go take care of a few things I’ve been putting off. I’ll be back later.”

“OK.”   
He doesn’t look back at me as he brusquely exits, the door closing loudly as he does. Stunned is the only reaction I can begin to process and acknowledge as I sit and stare blankly at the wall. 

A frown pulls at the corners of my mouth, tears beginning to build along the brim of my eyes. I refuse to cry about this: I refuse to cry over someone who clearly is just incapable of caring about someone the way I deserve to be. It’s not worth it. It takes a few minutes for me to calm myself down sufficiently enough that I feel confident I won’t start crying and can instead resume reading my book.

There’s a knock at the door and for a moment I wonder if Eric accidentally locked himself out and forgot something. I don’t move at all to answer it, though. The knob shakes from someone obviously trying to open it. I don’t want to deal with Eric right now, so I hope he gives up and goes away.

“Tris?” It’s Jake’s voice I hear on the other side of the door. “I, uh, quite literally ran into Eric downstairs and thought that you might need some company right now because maybe you wouldn’t want to be alone. I promise that’s all I’m here to do; nothing else. Will you please open the door, even if it’s just so I know that you’re OK?”

I almost trip trying to extricate myself from my blanket and the couch, but nonetheless I slowly make my way to the door. I’d worry that he walked away but the silence makes me believe that he’s still standing, waiting. Despite that, I’m still relieved when my eyes meet his once the door is open.

He holds my gaze for a few seconds. I’m not sure if he’s waiting for me to speak first or not.

“Hey,” his voice is soft and deep, calming my nerves instantly, “sorry you had to get up; I didn’t want to pick your lock when you just moved in. That seemed like a bad way to introduce you to the floor.” Both of us chuckle at the joke.

“Thanks. I didn’t mind.”

“Either way, let’s get you back to the couch at least; there’s no need for you to have to stand here just to talk to me.”

He walks with me, hovering close to my side but still allowing me to walk on my own. It’s refreshing to do even a simple thing like this independently. I’m surprised how easily I’ve missed something that I’ve done every day for essentially my entire life. He still picks the blanket up off the couch for me before I sit and turn so my legs are laying across the couch. He makes a bit of a show of shaking the blanket out to cover me.

“Is it OK if I join you?”

“Of course.” I can’t help but blush slightly at the fact that he asked and how endearing I find it.

He seats himself at the far end of the couch, carefully avoiding upsetting my feet.

“You know, you don’t have to sit that far away— I can move.”

“No need.” He scoots toward me until he has moved my feet to rest on his lap, his fingers beginning to idly rub circles on the skin. Surprisingly, the contact doesn’t bother me despite how subtly intimate it is. “We don’t have to talk about anything that happened or really anything at all. We can just sit here and read or whatever you want. I just didn’t want you to be alone and upset.”

“Thank you. You’re very nice for doing that.”

“I don’t know how nice I really am so much as a person who recognizes that it’s shit to leave another person in a lurch.”

“I’m not in a lurch.”

“Fine, whatever you want to call it, then.”

“How old are you?’

“That’s a pretty big change in topic. At this moment I am twenty-two.”

“At this moment?”

“Yes. At another moment in the future I will be twenty-three. How old are you?”

“Sixteen.”

“And at what moment will you be seventeen?”

“Sometime next month.”

“Ah, I won’t be twenty-three until a moment at least six months from now. So, see? I’m not as old as you probably thought I was.” He leans toward me a bit as he says the words, a grin dancing along the edges of his cheeks as he does. I am envious of how carefree he is.

“What would make you suspect I thought you were older?”

“You seem like you think I’m too old to be talking to you.”

“Based on what?”

“The looks you give me.”

He isn’t incorrect about my assumption of him being too old. Even at twenty-two he still is much older than I am. I’m uncomfortable, however, talking about this.

“So you’ve been in Dauntless—“  
 “Six years now.”

“When did you become head ambassador?’

“Almost three years ago.”

“Is the head ambassador usually so young?”

“Can be but not often. I just happened to come at a time when the head ambassador was retiring and I was chosen to replace her.”

“Do the other ambassadors live on this floor?”

“No, thank God. They live on the floor below us.”

“So who lives on this floor?”

“The head ambassador, the head of security, and all of the leaders except for the head leader.”

Silence falls over us as I turn over the idea of living on the same floor as Eric and Jake once I’m officially a leader. Not only will I have to see Eric every day for my job but I’ll have to live next to him, hear what he does every night. At least once I’m well I won’t be living here for a while so I can wallow in my embarrassment further away from him. That should, at least, make it more bearable that I foolishly thought that he would want a real relationship with me— a plain girl from Abnegation.

“I know I said we didn’t have to talk about it but I can’t help myself,” Jake’s words pull me back to the present. “I’m guessing that the relationship that you thought you might be starting isn’t going as planned.” He pauses, holding my gaze for several seconds. I don’t respond but my silence is probably response enough for him. “So look, it’s not like you have to fall in love with me; I just want to spend time with you, date you. I know Abnegation regards dating— or courtship— very differently than Dauntless but I think we could have a lot of fun together without it having to be anything that will make you uncomfortable.”

“Do you say this to every new member you pursue?”

“You’ve been talking to Harrison and Eric too much. Yes, I’ve dated some new members over the past six years and yes, sometimes multiple at the same time. That doesn’t mean that’s the reason I’m interested in you. You’re the bravest person in this compound, you’re smart, and you’re sassier than I anticipated. Pretty much any guy in this compound is an idiot if he doesn’t jump at the opportunity to date you— even Eric.”

“Well, tell that to him. Apparently dating me in public would be too mortifying for him to fathom, and he can’t even begin to consider dating only me.” The words taste bitter as I spit them out. I probably shouldn’t be telling Jake any of this but I just don’t care; I need to say it to someone.

“Wow, he’s an idiot. Way to make a woman feel special, Eric.” He shakes his head i disbelieve before he scoots a little closer to me, sliding his arm across the back of the couch and taking my chin in his other hand so I’m looking directly at him. “Look, this can be whatever you want it to be. We can go out on a date and you can ditch me after if that’s what you want. But maybe, if you actually give me a chance, you’ll find I’m not intolerable and that I’m even a pretty good person to hang around. You don’t have to be restricted to just me—“

“I don’t—“ I begin to interrupt but he waves me off before I can complete my thought.

“Let me finish. You don’t have to date just me but I promise you that as long as I’m dating you, I won’t see anyone else. And hey, you can use me this way— have some fun with someone, make Eric insanely jealous, and distract yourself from the fact that he’s an idiot. In the end it might even bring him to his senses, who knows.”

I can feel my face scrunching up as I think about his proposal. “I don’t think that making Eric jealous is possible.”

Jake practically guffaws at that, “you don’t know Eric as well as I do. So what do you say?”

“OK, I’ll go on one date with you. If I don’t hate it, then maybe we can continue, but we go at my pace.”

“I wouldn’t have ever suggested otherwise.” Jake smiles broadly at me, his hand raising so he can stroke my cheek with the back of hand. “And Tris?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t be worried if you find that you actually like me.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, I know it's been a looooooong time since I last updated. I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Eight

 

“Are you ready to be dazzled by my charm?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose.”

When Jake had proposed that he make me dinner for our first date, I didn’t think he’d set it for the next night, but here I am, preparing to push myself off the couch so I can walk down to his apartment with him. Earlier in the day I let Eric know about my plans for the evening and he nodded silently, then later announced to me that he had plans with friends and reminded me that I would need to take my medication before bed that night. He left shortly before Jake’s scheduled arrival, most likely on purpose, and before leaving had stopped in front of me to give me a peck on the cheek before wishing me a good night.

It’s all enough to make me want to scream with frustration and confusion. I push it from my mind now, resolving to think about it later in the privacy and solitude of my bed, so I can focus my full attention on the man standing expectantly before me. Even if this is odd, I don’t want to be rude.

Jake must notice my slightly labored breathing because he steps forward and offers me his hand. When I take it he pulls me up so I’m standing, about a foot between us. He immediately drops my hand and walks to my side until we’re standing next to each other facing the door, at which point he crooks his arm, offering it to me.

“This way no one has to know if you need support while you’re walking but you have it if you do.”

“Thank you.”

I appreciate the gesture for what it is and can’t help but smile as I slip my hand onto his arm. As we leave the apartment and continue down the hall to his apartment, I notice he’s deliberately slowed his steps to match mine, all the while carrying on conversation with me. It strikes me that this is on purpose so he’s not calling to attention the fact that we’re moving at a fraction of any person’s usual pace because of my ongoing recovery. I’m grateful for his thoughtfulness and wonder why so many people think so negatively of him and act as though he’s insensitive.

Once we’ve entered his apartment he guides me to a small dining table to sit before walking into the kitchen himself. I let myself take in my surroundings. The apartment isn’t unlike the one in which I am staying, in fact it appears to be almost identical in its open layout, but has a homier quality due to the personal belongings and decorations. On the far wall I notice three vibrant paintings mounted, each of different parts of the city but instead of in the actual grey scale in which they exist, a spectrum of colors explode across the canvass. They’re absolutely beautiful and unlike anything I’ve ever seen in my life.

“How did you come by those?” I ask, pointing in their direction.

He looks up from the stove to where I am pointing and considers for a moment before directing his attention back to the task at hand.

“An artist in Amity painted them along with many other pieces that I suspect are scattered throughout homes in the city. Over time I’ve collected those pieces.”

“They’re beautiful.”

“I’ll tell her you think so next time I see her.”

I frown at the idea, not entirely sure what his relationship to the artist is considering his reputation. Why an artist I’ve never met would care about my opinion is equally confusing.

“I can’t imagine that my opinion would hold much weight with her. I’m a complete stranger.”

He smiles, still focused on cooking. “She’d care; Alice has always been like that.”

I know my brow is furrowed and I look utterly confused because that’s exactly how I feel. I can’t even explain why. He looks up at me just then and I think he stifles a laugh when he takes in my expression.

“Alice is my sister. She’d care what a date of mine thought of her work.”

“Your sister is in Amity?” I know I’m not successfully keeping the surprise out of my voice by the way he quirks an eyebrow at me.“Yes, she is. I take it you wouldn’t expect that?”

“I just can’t imagine you with a sister.”“Ah, well, for eighteen years I’ve had one.”

“Would she think it’s odd that I’m younger than her?”

“No, Alice isn’t judgmental like that. She would just ask if we are happy; it’s all she cares about.” He begins dishing something from the skillet on to two plates. “I think she would like you, though.”

He smiles at me as he crosses over to the table where I am seated.

“I tried to make something that wouldn’t be too jarring for you after growing up in Abnegation. We’ll see how successful I was.” He sets a plate in front of me before setting his directly across the table and sitting down to face me.

“Thank you, but you didn’t have to. It’s pretty much, ah, ingrained in me to eat anything that someone else makes and not make them go to any additional effort for me.” I look down at my plate to see what looks like chicken, though it’s prepared differently than what I’m used to, and rice.

“I know. I’m an Ambassador, remember? Just because that’s ingrained in you doesn’t mean that I have to follow it. Besides, how would I impress you on our date if I didn’t go to at least some effort?” He smiles triumphantly at me while cutting his chicken. I can only blush.

“Didn’t we establish that I know nothing about dating?”

“We did, so I’m going to teach you. Tris, the first rule is that it’s OK for someone to go out of their way for you just like it is OK for you to go out of your way for them.” I try to interject but he waves me off. “I know you think it’s selfish and sure, it is, but it’s also allowing the other person to be selfless by putting you first in order to satisfy their own happiness.”

I look at him skeptically for a moment. “You’re very good at being creative with your interpretations of Abnegation values. What faction were you the Ambassador to before you were promoted to Head Ambassador?”

He smiles down at his plate as he continues to eat. He’s silent for a while and I think of repeating my question to see if I can actually get an answer from him but he finally speaks before I can.

“I was wondering when you’d finally think to ask me that. I worked with all factions at least somewhat before I became Head Ambassador— it’s part of what qualified me to take over the position— but my first assignment was Abnegation.” He must notice the questioning face I’m making because he adds, “it’s been four years since it was my primary assignment. Even if Andrew talked about work at home, you probably wouldn’t have heard my name very recently and most of my communication would have gone through the Abnegation Ambassador to Dauntless anyway.”

“But when I was a child my brother and I would go to inter-faction meetings with my mother sometimes.”

“And there are a lot of people at those meetings, even more from Dauntless back then than we bring now, so I wouldn’t expect you to remember me. There weren’t as many blonde girls being chastised for running, though.”

“Oh god, you remember me?” My jaw almost drops open, surprised and wondering what impact that has had on our interactions. “That’s not why—“

His eyes widen with alarm as words begin to tumble from his mouth. “Oh no, no matter what Eric’s told you about my habits with new members, I’m not a complete creep.” He stares at me for a few seconds as if to ensure I understand how serious he is about that. “I have not been pining for you since you were twelve, Tris. There are lines of acceptability and I don’t cross them. That’s one of those lines.”

“But it’s OK now that I’m sixteen and you’re twenty-two?”

“You’re old enough to choose what faction you’re going to spend the rest of your life in and what job; you’re able to be considered an adult so age doesn’t really matter anymore in my opinion.”

“You’re very surprising, you know. You’re a bit confusing, too.”

“Surprising I can live with but I don’t really want to be confusing so why don’t I clarify the confusing parts. What’s confusing about me, Tris?”

“We can start with whether you were Dauntless born or an Amity transfer.”

“What makes you assume either?”

“Just a guess since your sister is in Amity and you’re here.”

“Well, you were born in Abnegation yet you’re here and your brother is in Erudite, correct?”

Well, he has a point. “True. So what was your faction of origin?”

“I’ll answer any question but that one. You’ll have to guess that to figure it out.” I begin to open my mouth to guess one but he raises his hand to silence me. “No, don’t just start guessing. You only get one chance so take your time and wait until you’re sure.”

My eyes narrow at him, evaluating his words.

“Is this just to get me to spend more time with you?”

“No.” He chuckles softly at his plate as he continues to eat. “With our respective positions we’ll spend plenty of time together regardless so no, this isn’t a ploy for you to continue to date me.” He looks up at me suddenly, staring into my eyes. “Really, Tris, I only want you to see me again if you want to; not because it would make you feel selfish to tell me no.”

“I know.” I know I’m truly being honest about that as I let the words slip from my lips at a whisper. “It’s clear that you’re very different from what people make you seem to be.”

“Is that why I’m confusing to you?”

“Mostly, yes.”  
“Why else?”

I push myself back from the table slightly and consider his question carefully. I cast my eyes about the room, focusing them on anything possible while I try to formulate an answer that will make any sense to anyone other than myself.

“Because you’re so focused on dating me when you barely know me. It doesn’t make much sense.”

His eyebrows raise at my statement, an amused smile crossing his face. Instead of answering immediately, he continues to eat. It occurs to me that this could be for the sake of suspense but part of me knows that he just doesn’t know how to respond. I can’t blame him.

“Well, you were pretty hard to ignore during your initiation, especially your final fear landscape. Not to mention that whole saving a faction and stopping an impending civil war— if that isn’t a good way to attract admirers, I don’t know what is. But without those things, what if I’m just attracted to you and want to get to know you better?”

“You barely know me,” I state the obvious as I bring my glass of water to my lips.

“Hence why I’ve asked you on a date and not to marry me.”

I nearly spit water everywhere at his words.

“What?!” His resulting laughter invites my scowl.

“Don’t worry, Tris— I’m not going to propose to you suddenly. My point is that this is what people do when they’re interested in someone and want to get to know them more romantically and see if they’re compatible: they date. That’s the point of dating. It’s really not that far off from Abnegation’s courtship process in that respect, though we’re much more informal here.”

“Oh.” Heat creeps up my cheeks, undoubtedly coloring them. “I didn’t really think about it.”

“Look, I find you magnetic and I know I sound like a twelve-year-old boy saying this but I have a bit of a crush on you. OK, more than a bit. That’s why I asked you out.”

“Oh.” I quickly fixate on my plate, hoping that the growing heat in my cheeks isn’t too obvious to him. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I didn’t think that telling you that would bother you.”

“You don’t need to apologize; it doesn’t bother me. I guess I’m still just not used to hearing that.”

“I would think that Eric would have…you know, never mind. Let’s just leave it at I’m sorry.” He flashes a small grin at me before looking back down at his plate. “What do you think of the leader-in-training program so far?”

“It’s time-consuming. From what I understand, it’s different for me than it has been for others and it will be even more different and time-consuming since the leadership pool is smaller and because of everything going on.”

“I can only imagine. You really showed how good of a leader you can be at the meeting with Abnegation, though. Harrison probably is nervous you’ll be vying for his position.”

My brows furrow in confusion. “Why would he worry about that?”

“Harrison is new to his position and relatively untested so he’s unsure of how secure he really is in it— whether people will follow and trust him both in the faction and in the city. He does know, however, that people follow you. It was undoubtedly part of why he welcomed you to the leadership group but also why he’s probably wary of your success. Your attendance at the Abnegation meeting, while truly of a strategic value considering the circumstances, also was a test to see how much pull you’d have in the broader system and in his mind you’ve solidified that you have a lot of influence.” He ends his statement by picking up his glass to take a long sip.

“Do you really think that Harrison is that paranoid and petty?”

His glass stops, mid-air, on its journey to his mouth and his gaze grows even more intense as he looks at me. “Yes. I do. I know he is.” He quiets himself by bringing the glass to meet his lips.

“How…how would you know something like that?”

There’s a long pause while Jake slowly sets down his glass, slowly turning it around between his fingers with his eyes glued to its motion. “Because I went through that with him.”

“What?” I can’t help the incredulity that’s in my voice as I speak.

Jake continues to turn his glass around, seeming to be thinking while he does so. After the silence has stretched for an awkwardly long amount of time, his eyes reach mine again and he abandons his glass to instead lean back in his chair and cross his arms on his chest. A long sigh seems to deflate him before he begins.

“Harrison is a couple years older than I am but he became a leader a small amount of time before I became an Ambassador. At first he befriended me, which made me ecstatic for a lot of reasons, and we were nearly inseparable. Pretty quickly after I took over the Abnegation assignment the Head Ambassador took an interest in me and began pretty publicly grooming me to take his place. This also meant that Max took an interest in me as well, inviting me to join meetings that usually only the Head Ambassador would attend with the Head Leader. You can imagine how much that bothered the other Ambassadors and leaders, including and maybe especially Harrison

“Shortly after that, Harrison became distant— sure, we were still collegial with each other but we certainly weren’t friends anymore and we haven’t been since then. It got worse after you exposed the plot from Erudite because Harrison was upset that he wasn’t in anyone’s confidence: Max didn’t tell him about his plans, Eric didn’t tell him about the plot and his plan to stop it, and you and Four didn’t tell him about it either. It was a pretty big blow to his ego, like the Abnegation meeting was, too.”

My mind churns for a few moments as I consider this new information and ultimately can’t reconcile it. “But Eric told me that Harrison wanted me to be a leader because of my involvement in stopping the attack and because he knows people follow me.”

“Oh, I know he did because even if he’s insecure and slightly petty, he is still a pretty savvy guy. I don’t think that he’ll become distant from you like he has me because you’re too important to his success and survival as the Head Leader. Just…be careful with him that you’re not accidentally being manipulated by him and his ambition.”

Silently, I nod and wordlessly shovel another spoonful of food in my mouth. To Jake’s credit, he lets the silence sit while I very obviously ponder all of this. I do, however, sense his eyes on me and I’m sure he’s watching and trying to decipher my reaction. Somehow it’s not unnerving like it usually would be. It feels like forever has passed before I finally make eye contact with him; when I do, I appreciate the soft and understanding look in his eye. I feel slightly odd about what I’m about to ask.

“Is that why you date new members?”

“Excuse me?” His mouth turns down at the corners as he talks, clearly confused and possibly offended by my question. “What do you mean by that?”

Suddenly I feel fidgety and can’t control it. Being this forward and prying into someone’s life still goes against my first instincts, especially now that he does seem at least somewhat uncomfortable with my question. But he said that dating is supposed to be so two people can get to know each other and I’m Dauntless now.

“I’m only asking if the cold shoulder by other Ambassadors and Harrison is why you date new members often. It would make sense to me: you want to find someone who hasn’t already heard Harrison’s negative opinion of you and you don’t want to date one of your existing friends.”

He smiles at me much more warmly than I could anticipate considering what I just said. “You’re really sharp, you know. I’ll admit that is part of it, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t also like them.”

“So this is like all of those times?”

“No. I’ve never committed to only seeing one person before.”

“So why is this different?”

“I told you, Tris: I’m drawn to you in a way I haven’t been drawn to someone before. I wouldn’t care what you asked so long as it means that you’ll be with me.”

I shift a bit uncomfortably. I don’t want to voice it as it will make him feel guilty again and truly, there’s nothing to be guilty over. Eventually I will have to become comfortable with this type of attention; I might as well start trying now.

I’m not sure if my discomfort is obvious or if the silence has just become awkward, but Jake suddenly changes the subject, at least somewhat.

“Is it awkward for me to ask what happened with Four?”

“No more than everything else is.”

He huffs a laugh with a smile quickly. “That, right there, is one of the things I like most about you— that fire that never seems to fizzle.” I’m not sure how to respond so I stay silent, painfully aware of the increasing heat in my cheeks. “So what happened with him?”

“He wanted someone— a version of me, I suppose— who doesn’t exist. He saw me still as a reckless girl who needed his guidance. He only trusted me when I agreed with him.”

I look up at Jake, finally meeting his eyes, and find him staring back with one eyebrow raised. “I know that’s probably what you tell people— maybe even your friends— but that’s not what happened; it’s a polished synthesis. So, for a moment, just let yourself relax and say what actually happened.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I try not to let my eyes flick away from his as I say it— hoping that will be enough. It’s not.

“You do. There’s always something that happens to make someone change their mind like that, even if it makes them realize there are lots of little things that happened to cause it. So what is it?”

I exhale heavily, training my eyes on one of this sister’s paintings.” You have to promise never to repeat any of it.” 

The sound of an incredulous huff is the first response. 

“What am I, in lower levels?” Out of the corner of my eye I see his arm reach out to pull my face back toward him. “Look at me, Tris, please.” I comply. “I like you. I want to get to know you. I asked because I want to understand you and, frankly, because I don’t want to repeat his mistakes if I can help it. Anything you say to me stays between us— I couldn’t betray your trust.”

I nod slightly before beginning. “One night, after I had realized something was happening in Dauntless that was being hidden from us and then pieced together the planned attack, Four and I took a train out by Erudite. We both had, between the two of us, pieced together enough information to know they were making a serum in mass quantities and the resulting plot to overthrow Abnegation that everyone now knows about.

“I wanted to notify Abnegation. Four was convinced we’d get caught and thus was too risky to do just to potentially save a few people; we needed to find a way to stop the attack before doing anything else. He didn’t understand that I wanted to tell my parents so they could save the others, too, in case we couldn’t stop it. All he could see is that we’d get caught or that Marcus would somehow betray us. We fought about it for quite a while until I decided we should stop and come to the conversation later. After we returned to Dauntless, I waited a while and then went back out to Abnegation.

“That was when I knew it would always be that way: every time we disagree he would dismiss it as me being a reckless child and that isn’t what I want. We would never be happy together; not really.”  
The following silence falls over us and lays thickly for quite a while. At first it seems awkward but quickly there’s something calm and helpful about it; a certain thoughtfulness in its erasure of sound, as if it had been planned. My eyes stay glued to Jake and I wonder to myself if he’s moved at all— even to blink. The subtle rise and fall of his chest tells me he’s fine so I let it be, waiting for whatever his response is when it comes.

He reanimates all at once, quite suddenly. “Wow. You have a much more discerning eye than even people my age. not many people have the judgment to know that and end the relationship. In fact, many people would think that kind of dynamic to be love.”

“Love and controlling another person are two different things that I believe are mutually exclusive.”

“I agree with you entirely; unfortunately, many people get confused, mistake the controlling tendencies with signs of love, and only really understand the mistake when it’s too late.” He frowns at his water glass as he turns it about on the table before him.

“Are you saying this from personal experience?”

“Yes.” He looks up at me then, confusion painting his features until he seems to realize something. “Not my family, no. But people I’ve cared about— friends and such— have made the mistake of wanting to be with someone who tended toward controlling them and dismissing their views when in conflict with their own. The problem got worse and you can imagine what happened from there, I’m sure.”

Yes, I can. I saw a fear landscape all about it. My mind gets lost down this path momentarily before Jake perks up again, catching my attention.

“Well, that answered a lot. So, on a different topic, what would you like to do tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” What in the world is he talking about?

“Yes, for our next date. Whatever you want.”

“You’re assuming there will be a next date.”

He folds his hands under his chin, leaning his weight on his elbows that rest on top of the table. His smile is broad and almost blinding, but not in a calculating or pretend way. It’s genuine and playful. 

“Oh, Tris, I’m not assuming. I know there will be one.”

“Based on what?”

“The fact that you’re enjoying spending time with me.”

He’s right; I am. I just hadn’t thought beyond tonight.

“Even if that’s true, that doesn’t mean there will be a second date.”

“Is there a reason for there not to be?”

“No.”“Then tomorrow it is.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

I turn more red at the question. I don’t know why this embarrasses me so much; it’s perfectly expected.

“I have to go to the doctor to see if I can be cleared for the meeting Eric and I have with Andrew.”

The smile doesn’t disappear but it changes, becomes softer in a way.

“that is important. Well, I can certainly escort you to the infirmary if you wouldn’t mind my company.”

For some reason I find myself accepting his offer, even though usually this idea would be far too uncomfortable for me to bear.

When he walks me back to my temporary apartment later that night, he’s again careful to walk slowly and allow me my space to walk independently with him there to help if needed. Our arrival at the couch in the living room is unremarkable other than the brief moment in which he bids me good night and gently kisses my cheek before then quickly leaving.

For the next hour I sit, alternating between just sitting in silence and trying to read. Neither, however, keeps my mind from wandering back to the kiss and also my terrible confusion over Eric and his behavior. The door knob turning is what finally stirs me to rapt attention.

Eric almost looks stunned to see me on the couch, as though he can’t imagine how I’d be here without him specifically placing me such. I almost laugh at this reaction but stop myself just in time. Instead I let my eyes inspect him, wondering about his own evening’s activities. Unfortunately, his dress, which is quite usual, tells me nothing helpful.

“You’re back,” my lame words come out as a jumble on my lips.

“I just came to check on you.” He glances toward the kitchen then toward the hallway that leads to the bedroom before clearing his throat. “How was your evening out?” Tentatively his eyes flick to mine from under his dark lashes. I’ve never seen him look unsure like this before.

“I should ask you that.” He remains silent. “It was good. Fun, even. And yours?”

“The same.” He nods a little too much to be anything less than painfully awkward. “Your doctor checkup is tomorrow. We should probably leave around—“  
“Jake said he’d go with me, so you don’t have to worry about it.” Eric recoils as if I’ve slapped him, so I try again with a forced smile as I speak. “I know you’ve had to put off a lot of things to take care of me this week. I figure that this way you can use the time to catch up or relax; you don’t have to spend all of your waking hours on your babysitting assignment.”

I was aiming for a sense of levity but Eric’s cold expression makes me feel as though I’ve missed the mark. Without responding he simply turns and exits, the door slamming bit louder than necessary. Long after the echoes have silenced, I still stare at the closed door wondering what in the world just transpired.

Shaking myself back into reality, I slowly rise, find my medication, and prepare for sleep.

-*-*-*

“You can return to normal activity with supervision and assistance when necessary.” The doctor doesn’t look up from his clipboard as he talks, making me wonder if it’s the patient instead of me.

“What does that mean?”  
“Don’t wander around through the compound by yourself in case you become too tired to continue; don’t train without someone to monitor you and help if necessary. You’re fine for doing most normal day-to-day activities but walking long distances or doing something strenuous will be taxing and you won’t be as quick or strong as you are used to for at least another week.”

“What about jumping on and off a train?”

“Oh yes, of course. It will be challenging for you and you shouldn’t do it without someone with you or else you could seriously and irreparably hurt yourself.”

It isn’t a firm no but it also doesn’t sound like an endorsement, either. Unfortunately, that leaves the very murky business of making that decisions to me when I was hoping the doctor would make it for me. The chances of Eric finding that sufficient for green lighting our trip to Abnegation are low.

How fortunate, then, that he isn’t here.

“Thank you, is there anything else I should know?”

He glances down at his clipboard again, as though it holds the secrets to the Universe. His frown gives me momentary pause but it disappears quickly as he clears his throat.

“No, just listen to your body and don’t push yourself too hard. You should come back for a check up in a week so we can ensure you’ve made a complete recovery.” I’m glad he’s looking at his clipboard so he misses my eye roll at his last instruction. As is, he almost catches it as his eyes flicker up to mine and he clears his throat again, seeming self-conscious. “Harrison has asked for an update on your condition since you’re a leader-in-training. I am obligated to provide one but it’s still your health so it’s up to you how much detail I supply to him and the other leader.”

The doctor’s gaze is more intense than I remember it being a moment ago. I remember suddenly that he’s the same doctor that treated me when Eric brought me to the infirmary after I collapsed. It probably didn’t escape the man’s attention as he stepped into the exam room that it’s not Eric that is sitting patiently in the hall for the appointment. Clearly he assumes that I won’t want him knowing all of the details of my condition, though the doctor most likely doesn’t have a grasp on why— either way, he’s giving me an out. I’ll take it.

“Thank you.” My eyes flit across the room, unsure what to tell him for a short while. “I suppose tell him that I can return to all leader activities but with supervision when doing things like physical training.”

The truth isn’t too far away but this allows me to escape from Eric’s well-intended hovering. I’ll have to remember for future reference that the Head Leader can request information about my health— a fact that doesn’t sit very well with me.

After a few short moments of awkward silence, I slip off of the exam table and open the door to the hallway. I find Jake chatting with Janelle when I do so, both of them stopping to look at me with mirror smiles.

“Tris, it’s good to see you up and walking. I was just asking Jake how you’re doing.” There’s a quick pause before she seems to decide she should continue. “He told me I could wait a couple minutes and ask you when you were done. It looks as though you’re doing fabulously— barely like you had a terrible fever a few short days ago.” She motions toward me as she says so, her words kind and soft.

“Yes, thank you. I’m certain much of it can be attributed to your help.”

She waves me off. “Nonsense. I’m glad to see you feeling better.” She turns toward Jake then. “I shouldn’t keep you two from your day. It was good catching up with you, Jake.” She gives us a small wave before turning to walk away.

His gaze shifts to me, a smile coming along with his full attention.

“So how’d it go?” When I don’t immediately respond, he falters and begins to speak more quickly. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I was just asking out of…hoping that everything is OK.”

He switches from engaged enthusiasm to obvious vulnerability so quickly that the change almost gives me whiplash. It’s not the first time that I’ve seen him make such a change, a reminder that there is much more to this person than I currently know or understand. The realization doesn’t make me feel guilty, however— just curious about what else there is that I don’t know. 

“It’s OK. I’m doing better, he says. I am cleared to resume moving around the compound and doing my work— I just am supposed to only do physical activity, including walking around, with supervision.”

A corner of this mouth quirks up at that as he moves to stand next to me and offer his arm. “That doesn’t sound bad at all, then. Eric might still insist on cancelling the meeting with Andrew, though, since you still need so much supervision for any physical activity.”

I sigh as we walk, keeping my gaze fixed toward the wall and away from Jake.

“Eric isn’t going to know.”

“How do you plan to hide that? Harrison will undoubtedly ask for a report from the infirmary about your health and he won’t hide it from Eric, either.”

I almost actually give myself whiplash as I turn my eyes to meet Jake’s. “Wait, so you know about that?”

“Yes. Didn’t you?”

“No; no one told me until the doctor just did today. Exactly how many people’s information can the Head Leader get?”

“He’s entitled to ask for all leaders’ and ambassadors’ health information. If there’s a member diagnosed with a particularly contagious and dangerous condition, he’s entitled for that information as well.”

“That seems intrusive for a leader to have.” The sinking feeling in my stomach continues to worsen as the words continue to turn over in my mind.

“Tris, these are the people who also see your fear landscape as an initiate and surveil the compound and city regularly. Intrusive is part of their job description. Are you really that surprised?”

He has a point. “I guess not.”“So how are you going to get around Eric’s disapproval?”

“The doctor offered that he would tell Eric only what I wanted him to know about my health, so I’m having him tell Eric that I’m cleared for my duties but require supervision for physical training.” I sneak a look at Jake again and catch his smirk.

“So he won’t have a reason to hover so much or to cancel the meeting.”

“Yep.” We’re nearing the dining hall now, making me realize how hungry I am and that Jake is undoubtedly steering us over to it for lunch. “I just have to figure out how to hide from Eric that I need someone else with me to go about my usual tasks throughout the compound. It will be pretty conspicuous if I ask him to come with me everywhere.”

“Well, you spend most of your day together anyway, right?” I nod, still unsure how I navigate the time when we don’t need to be together. “And luckily, you have a dashing young man attempting to court you and I’m sure that he’ll show up to accompany you to lunch and anything else you want.”

I catch his bright and genuine smile. He’s clearly proud of himself.

“I guess that is lucky.”

We reach the table I usually sit at more quickly than I expected. Jake gracefully maneuvers my chair so I can sit and not appear like I needed his help to do so. I’d voice my surprise but Christina, Zeke, Uriah, and a host of others are already seated at the table so I don’t. Jake quickly takes the seat next to me that Christina is not inhabiting.

“I hope you don’t mind if I join you today.” Jake addresses the words to the group around us, which responds with universal nods.

“Tris, you’ve out. We were beginning to think that you’d been arrested instead of just sick.” Of course it’s Zeke’s teasing words that break the awkward silence that had overtaken the group.

“No need to fear; I am still alive.”

“I was beginning to think that Eric had kidnapped you.” Marlene offers while dishing food on to her plate.

“Just a fever. The doctor cleared me though; I’m not contagious and I can go back to life as usual with a few minor adjustments. Nothing major.” I try to offer a confident smile with that but am sure that I’m failing at least somewhat.

Christina studies me for several moments and I’m certain that she’s going to contradict me but just as it seems the words and accusations are forming on her lips, she sits back in her seat and relaxes instead. Will and I share a skeptical glance and I’m certain that he somehow has guessed the lie in my words and is, like Christina, remaining silent. He may not have grown up in Candor but right now it seems like he might as well have.

“What brings you to our table, Jake?” Uriah asks, not unkindly, with a not-at-all-subtle glance at me.

“I was just accompanying Tris.”

“So are you two—“ Zeke starts to ask.

“Of course not.” Four interrupts, much to my own irritation.

“I didn’t even ask my question, Four.” That makes him pause and redden at his hasty reaction. “I was just going to ask if Tris and Jake are doing anything tomorrow because I’m having a party. That’s all.”

Zeke flashes a mischievous smile at Jake and I, confirming what everyone already assumed about what Zeke had been planning to ask if Four had not interrupted.

“I’m just getting back to work. The leader-in-training program is demanding already; I can only imagine that with all I’ll need to catch up on, it will be much worse.”

“C’mon, Tris, I’m sure that Eric and Harrison can spare you from the torture for one night.”

“It’s a week night, though.”

“Oh no! Not a week night!” Zeke’s hands fly to his face in mock surprise and horror. “Whatever will we do?”

“Alright, I get the point, Zeke. I’ll think about it.”

He nods in response, mollified for the moment. Or so I thought.

“So you two are together now?” He blurts the words around the pasta he’s shoveled into his mouth, a grin somehow also plastered on his face amongst all of it.

Jake stays completely silent next to me, thankfully.

“No, we’re not.” The words are more forceful than I intended and I can almost feel the wince that probably came from Jake— I can certainly see the rest of the table mirror it. Zeke begins to hold up his hands in a placating manner but I charge on, determined to fix my blunder. “I didn’t mean to sound like…”

Jake leans forward in his chair next to me, stretching an arm out along the back of my chair and chuckling. “Tris is being very understanding and indulgent of me— much more than she should be, really.” Now that he’s captivated them, he leans back in his chair and glances at me before continuing. “I should confess that I am smitten with our new leader-in-training. She’s just being kind by letting me follow her around.”

“Maybe too kind.” The mutter is low coming from Four. Jake and I exchange a glance at that, sharing a bit of a smirk.

Fortunately, the topic changes quickly and while Christina does continue to eye me for the rest of lunch, I escape any further public inquiries or commentary on my companion and I. Even that night at dinner Christina is suspiciously quiet. I know it can’t last and it doesn’t— a while after Jake drops me at my door, there’s a firm knock on it. Christina walks in a moment later after I’ve called out that it’s open.

She doesn’t waste time— she is talking before she even reaches where I sit on the couch.

“So what is going on with you and that guy?”

“What guy?”

“Jake.”

“Nothing.”

“Tris, I have eyes; I can tell it’s not nothing by the way you two were acting. You’re also an absolutely terrible liar. What’s going on?”

Christina’s my closest friend but it still feels strange to divulge such things to her.

“He just asked me to go on a couple dates together; that’s all. We’re getting to know each other. There isn’t more than that happening.”

Christina’s eyes narrow at me as she crosses her arms on her chest. “So he’s seeing other people, too?”

“No, it’s not like that.”

“So you two are together.”

“No— ugh, I don’t know how to explain this. We’re going on a few dates. He doesn’t want me to feel like I have to limit myself but he’s not seeing anyone else right now.”

Christina’s eyes go wide with disbelief. “There’s no way he agreed to that.”

“It was his idea.”

She’s practically slack jawed from my declaration. I don’t blame her— I would be, too, if I hadn’t been there when he made the suggestion. To anyone else it must sound completely impossible and truly, I still can’t quite understand why he made such an offer. I’m young and rather plain while it’s well known that many women in Dauntless would gladly accept the reality of his habits; he could easily find someone else.

“Hey, stop that.” Christina’s words snap me back into the present moment and my eyes focus back on her, one of my eyebrows raising in question. “You were getting lost in that head of yours and I know where your thinking goes— he’s right when he says he’s lucky you let him hang around you.”

“So you don’t have a problem with it?”  
“Are you kidding me? He’s hot and funny and he looks at you like you’re the only person in the room. I say go for it.” Her eyebrows waggle and she offers a wink before she suddenly heads to the door. “I’d be happier if you two were really dating but hey, this is a step in the right direction.” Her hand rests on the handle of my door now and she looks at me. “I better let you get to sleep— I know you’re not totally recovered yet. Do you think you’ll be able to come to breakfast with us tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I should be. I have to meet Eric just after breakfast and then Harrison wants me to spend time in the Control Room, learning more about our security systems.”

“OK, see you in the morning, then.”

“Yeah, see you then.”

She’s mostly out the door when she stops and looks back at me. “I really am happy for you if this is what you want. I only want you to be happy.”

“Thanks, Christina.”

-*-*-*-*

The next morning comes too quickly— even though I’m doing much better, the exhaustion still hangs heavy over me in the morning. It’s like having a blanket of cement over me.

I’m barely ready to go when Jake knocks on the door and enters once I’ve called that it’s open.

“You’re much too trusting, Tris— you really need to start locking your door.”  
“I do lock it at night and when I’m not here. It’s easier, though, to leave it unlocked when I know someone is coming over. That way I don’t have to walk across the apartment and answer it. And you leave your door locked when you’re home, I’m sure.”

“Fair point.” His eyes focus on me for several more seconds, a small amount of concern mixing in with his usual look of amusement. “How are you feeling?”

“Better— still tired but less so than yesterday.”

He nods wordlessly and reaches over to retrieve my jacket from the hook on the wall where he had hung it the night before.

“Do you want me to walk you to the Control Room after your meeting with Eric?”

“No; Will is going to come by to walk with me. I should be there all morning until lunch.”

“Then I’ll come by and walk you to lunch if that’s alright.”

“It is.” 

My cheeks heat up at his soft tone. I’ve noticed that it seems to only be used around me— other times he’s solely full of laughter and smart comments. The contrast of the two reminds me that for him this is something a bit different than anything else. I try not to allow the pangs of guilt take over as he offers his arm for our walk.

Breakfast proves less awkward than lunch the previous day as Jake makes conversation with my friends and Four simply glares across the table at him. Partway through the meal, Four rises and mumbles something about getting to work early before he leaves. Zeke gives no comments or excuses for the man he calls his best friend and instead continues to happily chatter with Jake and Uriah.

I grip Jake’s arm more tightly than what is strictly necessary as he walks me to the hallway that contains my office as well as Harrison’s and Eric’s. Instead of immediately acknowledging this verbally, Jake pats my hand soothingly and offers a warm half-smile. When I come to a complete halt steps away from the doors, however, he moves so he’s facing me, gently pulling my chin up so I’m looking at him.

“Hey, it’s going to be fine. It’s not like Eric will do anything to you. He’ll just be awkward. Believe it or not, that’s his strongest skill.” 

“I know, I just…” my thoughts die in my throat, unable to become a coherent string of words.

“You’re hurt from what he said.” He sadly smiles down at me for a moment and then leans in to kiss my forehead, his breath dancing over the skin there as he continues to talk. “You’re the strongest and bravest person I can think of. You can get through this— it will be over sooner than you think and then you can spend a lot of boring time in the Control Room until I meet you for lunch.” He draws back again to look at me with a happier smile this time. “OK?”

“OK.”

He nods his head in the direction of the offices behind him. “Go get ‘em.”

Eric’s office feels thick with suffocating tension as I enter, knocking on the doorframe as I do so. He looks up from behind his desk to where I’m standing just inside, staring back at him with my chin tilted up and my shoulders squared in an effort to look more confident than I feel.

He merely waves to the chair opposite his desk as he returns to what he was reading. I’ve been sitting in complete silence for at least a full thirty seconds before he finally closes the file and sets it aside to look at me.

“You’re back.” He leans back in his chair, his eyes low so they don’t meet mine and his hands fiddling in his lap.  
“I am.”

“I was glad to hear that you’re recovered enough to return to work.”

“Me too. It will be nice to be useful again.”

He nods once, jerkily. “Andrew knows we’re still set for our meeting.”

“Good. We shouldn’t delay it.”

“Now that you’re back, I agree.”

Deafening silence settles upon us once again and lingers as I desperately try to think of something to say but my mind can’t decide how to proceed, exactly. Should I acknowledge what has happened between us and declare that we shouldn’t let it interfere with our work? Should I tell him how upset I am with him? Do I act like it’s nothing and move on? Should I take this awkwardness as an indication of our lack of compatibility on a fundamental level?

“Harrison wants me to spend the morning in the Control Room.”

“Yes, he told me.”

“Will is going to come take me down there.”

“Right.”

“Should we talk after lunch about the meeting with Andrew?”

“I have another meeting.”

“OK. So should I work on other things?”

He offers only a shrug. “You can do whatever you want.”

My temper begins to boil in earnest under the surface and I’m about to launch into a line of questions about his attitude when Will knocks on the doorframe.

“Thank goodness,” is all I mutter under my breath as I pull myself to stand and walk out the door with my friend.

I don’t say goodbye to Eric and he doesn’t attempt to say goodbye to me either. I doubt he cares.

“Wow, that room was cold.” I look at him confused— I hadn’t noticed anything wrong with the heating. “I mean that you two were acting cold toward each other. I thought you two were close.”

“You thought wrong.” The words bite as I say them.

“I’m sorry.” Will throws an arm around my shoulders, only flinching slightly as I do. “But Jake seems nice.”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with it.”

“I think it has everything to do with it.”

Will opens the door to the Control Room and we’re met with Gus who begins an explanation of the systems and sets me to observing Zeke and another guy I don’t know for a while.

Suddenly Zeke interrupts the tedious quiet.

“Tris, looks like your boyfriend is about to fight Eric.”

I turn at Zeke’s words from where I’m standing a few feet away, confused by his meaning.

“What?”  
He simply points at his monitor, his headphones around his neck. “Your boyfriend is about to fight Eric.” When he’s met with silence, he rolls his eyes. “Jake.”

I match his eye roll with my own. “He’s not my boyfriend.” Regardless, I still walk over to where he sits, the scene playing out on his monitor. Sure enough, Jake is standing in front of Eric, the two barely a breath apart, arms crossed and ready to fully face off. “Zeke, can you back this up so I can see it?” I keep my voice low, not wanting to attract any more attention.

“Sure.”

He punches a few keys and suddenly the gray scale images of the two back away from each other until they’re both out of the camera’s frame.

Without prompting, Zeke offers me his seat and, once I’m sitting, his headphones so I can listen. He hits another key to unease the video feed.“Jake.” Eric’s agitated voice calls from somewhere unseen.

“What could you possibly want with me now, Eric?” Jake sounds as exasperated as he does in any meeting Eric attends with him and really, he has the same tone whenever he talks about Eric as well.

Eric steps int the frame then, arms crossing in the way he does when he’s impatient and close to snapping.

“What do you think you’re doing?”  
Jake walks into the camera’s view then, stopping a few feet from Eric and also crossing his arms.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Tris.”

“What about her?”

“What are you doing with her?”

“What? Do you want a play-by-play? I fail to see how any of this is your business.”

“She’s a leader-in-training and I’m her mentor. Everything is my business.” Eric takes a step forward to punctuate his sentence.

“Not this, Eric.” Jake, mirroring Eric, also takes a step forward.

Eric’s voice drops, no less foreboding than before. “She’s a good girl, Jake.”

“Do you really think I don’t know that?” He scoffs.

“No, I don’t. She’s not one of these new members who you can toy with and toss away when you’re bored.”

“That’s rich coming from you.” Jake practically laughs in Eric’s face as he talks.

“I’m serious, Jake. You can’t toy with her emotions—“

“—You mean like you did?”

Oh no.

Eric sputters at that. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You really think you can come here and lecture me like this when you’re the one who practically tossed her to the curb and made her feel like an embarrassment to be hidden?”

“I never—“

“—Come on, Eric, no need to lie to me; it’s just us. I know what you told her.”

“She told you?”

“You were never going to be the only person she’d talk to. Especially not after that.”

Eric shakes his head as if clearing something from his mind. “Regardless of that, she’s not like your other pursuits; she’s loyal and deserves better than that.”

“I know and, believe it or not, I care about her. But she’s also young and needs her space to be your and herself— she doesn’t need someone monopolizing and controlling part of her time. That’s why she’s open and free to pursue other people while we date if she wishes.” Jake smirks and leans in just a hair before continuing. “She didn’t tell you that, did she? She hasn’t told you anything and I bet you,in all of your Nose intelligence, never through to ask her because you’re too busy thinking of how people see you as a leader. How interesting. You come here to berate me but you can’t even see what is right in front of you.”

Jake leans back again, givingEric some room to breathe. “Well, she can pursue whoever she wants; I have no intention of restricting her. But for my, she’s it; there’s no one else and she knows it.”

Something about how he says it— the way he phrases it with such finality— makes it different than when he’s previously said as much. Suddenly feel hypocritical about my own feelings toward him, especially the fleeting moments of jealousy aimed at other women, when he’s left it open for me to do as I please. Despite my own obvious reluctance, he’s always certain to remind me of his loyalty to me. It’s almost worse in some ways since he even offered this whole situation to help wit the current issue between Eric and I.

“Am I really supposed to believe that you— the man who has made a distinct reputation from your habit of dating multiple new members and dropping them easily, leaving them with broken hearts— would really be willing to do something like that?”

“Yes, because maybe it should occur to you that I care about her and I want to make this work if I can.” Jake tosses his head back and stares at the ceiling for a few moments before returning his gaze to Eric. “You don’t know much of anything about me, Eric, other than the rubbish you’ve heard through faction gossip over the past two years,but I’ve been a member for six years and I’ve seen guys like you over and over again.”  
“What do you mean, guys like me?”

“Guys who don’t have any idea how to treat a woman because you’re too busy thinking your ridiculous, macho crap about the Dauntless Manifesto and circling jerking about being soldiers. So you end unmaking women feel forgotten and unimportant because what— some hormonal teenagers and adults we trust with guns think you’re a leader?” Jake shakes his head, sighing with exasperation. “If there’s anyone in this conversation who doesn’t deserve Tris’s time or affection, it’s you. You’re absolutely right: she is special. She’s smart and incredibly witty but also thoughtful and brave and giving and compassionate. But you have a way of making even someone as brave and strong as her feel unwanted. Good job.”

“And you do any better?”

“Yes, because I”m not an idiot. I know that she’s worth much more than a faction and she should treated as such.”

Eric and Jake just stare at each other silently: a face off without words or even movement.

Suddenly Jake takes a couple steps away from Eric. “This is pointless; I don’t even know why I’m having this conversation with you in the first place.” His arms drop to his sides and he shakes his head. “I need to go— I still have to stop by my apartment before I meet Tris.”

He turns and swiftly exits the frame in the opposite direction where Eric still stands. Eric remains for quite a while before turning and punching a wall with a growl. Shaking out his first afterward, he stalks away.

I can only sit in stunned silence at what I just watched play out in gray scale. Never would I have ever thought something like that would happen. The idea of the two of them arguing that way— about me no less— is baffling. I wonder for a moment if I should be upset with Jake for revealing so much of what I entrusted to humbug decide that it’s not something to dwell on— he made a point to Eric and in the process also reaffirmed his own loyalty and affection for me. All I can feel when I consider this is a swell of affection for him and happiness.

My mind is made up quickly. I hand the headphones back to Zeke and hurry from the control room, headed for the place I know he’ll be. The elevator seems like it’s purposefully going slower than usual. I swear I’m about to pry the doors open with my bare hands by the time they slowly slide open enough for me to push though and into the hall. Luckily it’s not a long journey down the hall to his door. I don’t bother knocking; he won’t care. The sound of the door slamming carelessly behind me pulls him from deeper in his apartment— his face wearing a look of confusion at my presence.

‘Tris, what are you doing here? You’re not supposed to walk around—“

i cut him off, practically throwing myself into his arms.

“I was in the Control Room, Jake. I saw what happened with you and Eric.”

Before he can respond, I crash my lips to his. He doesn’t respond for a moment and my mind leaps to the worst possible conclusion. But then he’s kissing me back and his arms wrap firmly around my waist, effectively pulling my body flush against his own. I feel his hand come up to slide along my jaw before he finders wrap around the back of my neck. It only serves to spur me on and quickly I find myself sliding my tongue along his bottom lip until he softly parts them to allow it. I let my hands slide down to his chest and can’t help but notice the firmness of it beneath his thin shirt— lean and muscular and different from either Four or Eric. While both of their bodies are strong and impressive, his is different and has a toned strength and definition of someone who has maintained such for years now. I wonder, briefly, whether he has any fat on his body at all. It’s doubtful.

Clearly with reluctance he breaks the kiss and pulls back just enough to look down at me and smile gently. 

“I don’t really understand what I did to prompt that response but I’ll gladly do it again.”

“Laughter bubbles up from my chest at that. “I’m sure you would.” He continues to watch me in silence, which prompts me to realize he's curious for an explanation.

“What you said to him…I just…no one has ever spoken about me that way before. It made me think of how thoughtful you are about my feelings and about making sure I know you value and prioritize the time we’re together. I’m not so sure I’ve ever returned that, though.”

For a moment I thinkI see some unknown emotion flash across his eyes but it’s gone so quickly that I could have imagined it. The slightly sad half smile he wears, however, is not imagined. It makes my heart sink with guilt.

“Look, Tris, I never expected you to be in the same place as I am— you don’t need to feel bad. And you certainly don’t owe me anything. I am older than you and I”m bound to see things from a different perspective in some ways. More than anything, I want to make sure you don’t feel compelled to do anything you don’t want to do or say anything you don’t mean. Don’t want you to feel like you have to kiss me out of some feeling of debt every time I’m a decent person.”

“Thank you, Jake.”“You don’t need to thank me for that, Tris, nor should you. It should be something that you expect from me and anyone else. It’s just common decency.” The frown he wears as he says those words strikes me more than his usual playful smirks and smiles.

“You’re a good person, Jake, no matter what Eric says.”  
He chuckles at that, bringing his usual bright demeanor back to him. “Well, I never really cared what Eric thought about me to begin with.”

“Yes you do, or else you wouldn’t get so upset about it and you wouldn’t have argued with him in the hall the way you did.”

IF my words strike a chord with him, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he continues to hold my gaze, tucking an errant strand of hair behind my ear. “I only care, really, about what you think. It bothers me what Eric says, yes, because I know other people think that, which means your friends likely do, too. I don’t want you to feel like you’re not able to be with them because of what they think of me.”

His words are so soft that I realize I’m actually holding my breath to ensure I hear them. The admission makes my mind stop for a moment, absorbing greedily what he just confessed— how oddly Abnegation and Amity his thinking is; certainly not what I, or anyone else, would expect from a Dauntless member.

“Thank you.” My tone matches the softness of his as I eke out the words.

HIs amused chuckle catches me off-guard and I narrow my eyes at the bright sparkle I see in his. “You really can’t stop thanking me, can you? Stop being so endless grateful— it’s not very Dauntless of you.”

Lightly, I let my hand smack his chest, the impact muffled by his shirt. “Quit. How about we go to Zeke’s party tonight?”

“But Miss Prior, I thought you were still to be hidden from such things, especially on a Tuesday!”

“Oh hush.” I return his smile as I pull him towards the door and out to lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me! I promise Eris is still there...


End file.
